Page 7 | Earrings found and they aren’t mine! WWYD?

Strugglingmama1 · 2025-01-31T09:46:25+00:00

In brief, I found a pair of earrings behind my air fryer when I was cleaning and they aren’t mine. I’ve asked all my children and they are adamant they aren’t theirs and haven’t seen them. my husband works away. I’m a SAHM so always here. If this was you, what would you be thinking? Because my mind is in a mess Thanks!

mullers1977 · 31/01/2025 19:01

Getkettleon · 31/01/2025 16:26

Not far fetched. My first thought would be anything random on the kitchen side in my house is usually stuff I've fished out of pockets. Very plausible explanation that they've been in his pocket and he's quickly shoved them out of sight to avoid being found when putting stuff on to wash. Who does his washing? Him or you?

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This is what happened to my friend her husband emptied his shirt pocket on the kitchen side and forgot to pick it up x was his mistresses necklace

LibyanFeet · 31/01/2025 19:14

kellygoeswest · 31/01/2025 13:51

This is purely anecdotal but I had a colleague many years ago who was seeing a guy who kept promising he was "about" to end his relationship to be with her. Eventually she got fed up and decided to "speed up the process" by purposely hiding evidence that she'd been their for his partner to find (kirby grips, hairbands, a necklace etc).

I'm not saying this is happening in your situation since we don't have all the information and we don't know the nuances of your relationship but it's not a complete impossibility.

This is a plausible explanation, especially as the earrings are cheap: nobody’s going to plant anything expensive, are they? I’m speaking from experience because I suspected that someone I’d been seeing was inviting another woman to his flat when I wasn’t around, so I tried to flush the pair of them out by planting things for her to find - things which he’d find difficult to explain away. I didn’t leave any earrings, because that’s such an obvious cliche, and he’d know I’d done that on purpose. Turns out my instincts were right - he was up to no good.

fetchacloth · 31/01/2025 19:25

Strugglingmama1 · 31/01/2025 12:41

I’m going to talk to the kids again. Just in case. If we really are going down the affair route, the only opportunity is that while out in his lorry, a woman spent the night with him in there, took out earrings, left them behind. He’s picked them up when coming home in case a colleague uses the lorry and finds them; and has lobbed them somewhere when emptying pockets for the wash. Far fetched even for me!

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I'm sorry OP I'm beginning to wonder whether your husband has 'planted' those earrings there for you to find - maybe with the intention of you beginning a discussion with him?
It's a horrible thought I know, but years ago my exH left something in his car for me to 'find' - the ensuing discussion was the end of our marriage which had been coming for some time anyway from my side. My exH was shocked at the speed it all happened but he reaped what he sowed.

MarshMallowHeather · 31/01/2025 19:53

Another vote for one of the kids pinched them and then hid them as probably felt guilty

MarshMallowHeather · 31/01/2025 19:57

NoBiscuitsLeftInMyTin · 31/01/2025 17:57

No cats… nothing/nobody at all to blame… odd isn’t it?

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Do you go to a launderette or use a laundry service?

I'm intrigued now

EdithBond · 31/01/2025 20:55

AcrossthePond55 · 31/01/2025 17:01

@Strugglingmama1

Part of me wishes he had had an affair so I could get out, even though I’m scared.

Love, you don't need him to have an affair for you to leave. As far as your children, honestly, it's more important for you to be safe and happy than to be able to 'blame' him to them for separating. A happy mum means happy children. In the long run they will resent him for dragging them into it, especially when they see how much happier and peaceful you are.

I hope you read this, but if you do my advice to you is to see a solicitor. Get informed about what a divorce may mean to you as far as the house, the children, and financial settlements. It doesn't mean you're going to 'do anything' you're just educating yourself and knowledge is power.

Please contact WA and talk to them about verbal and emotional abuse, and coercive behaviour. Learn about it and decide if you're a victim. They can also offer you advice in getting out right away or 'surviving' in the same house until you can leave.

And you don't have to go thru this alone. Reach out to trusted friends and family. Lean on them.

Wise advice.

EdithBond · 31/01/2025 20:58

Wednesdayweirdosclub · 31/01/2025 17:57

Pink dangly earrings sound like something a barmaid in the 70s would wear, or a child

Or maybe a sex worker? Plausible if he’s a trucker.

YogaLite · 31/01/2025 21:02

Could your dd have bought them on a whim and forgot?

Franjipanl8r · 31/01/2025 21:10

Do you have a cleaner who took them off because they were dangly and annoying when she was cleaning your kitchen?

BlackStrayCat · 31/01/2025 21:32

JoanCollinsDiva · 31/01/2025 15:54

Do you think he could possibly have planted them there to make you jealous/play mind games?

The fact they sound tacky make me think they're something a man would choose.

Such an odd place to put them too - why would a child hide them there? Someone has wanted you to find them.

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It is this. Classic, narcissitic gaslghting act. My hideous domestically abusive (proved in court) ExH did it. But with underwear.
DDs toys went missing.
Other random things appeared.

He doesnt want a divorce but he wants to make you crazy, insecure, controlled.

Hence where you would find them. Behind the airfryer.

As soon as I read your update it clicked instantly.

Original poster

Strugglingmama1 · 31/01/2025 21:33

Franjipanl8r · 31/01/2025 21:10

Do you have a cleaner who took them off because they were dangly and annoying when she was cleaning your kitchen?

Definitely don’t have a cleaner lol that’s me. I don’t know, the children won’t admit to knowing about them, we live rural so I always tend to visit other people’s places. The only friend I’ve had over doesnt wear earrings like that.

there is only one other thing I can think of is that we have a cupboard above and quite close to where the air fryer lives, and in it are some things of his mums, and sadly she died last year. Maybe he picked them up when he went to clear the house out and they’ve been in cupboard and then fell out.
its plausible that he had forgotten about them as they aren’t expensive, but took them thinking that one of the girls might like them. Although when he saw them you’d think he’d say they were hers but I can hardly say “hey babe are these your dead mothers?”. So I guess I will never know! I’m not going to confront him that’s for sure!

thank you everyone ❤️

OP posts:

2025willbemytime · 31/01/2025 21:35

Please don't waste your life and teach your kids about bad relationships. Leave.

MarshMallowHeather · 31/01/2025 21:35

Strugglingmama1 · 31/01/2025 21:33

Definitely don’t have a cleaner lol that’s me. I don’t know, the children won’t admit to knowing about them, we live rural so I always tend to visit other people’s places. The only friend I’ve had over doesnt wear earrings like that.

there is only one other thing I can think of is that we have a cupboard above and quite close to where the air fryer lives, and in it are some things of his mums, and sadly she died last year. Maybe he picked them up when he went to clear the house out and they’ve been in cupboard and then fell out.
its plausible that he had forgotten about them as they aren’t expensive, but took them thinking that one of the girls might like them. Although when he saw them you’d think he’d say they were hers but I can hardly say “hey babe are these your dead mothers?”. So I guess I will never know! I’m not going to confront him that’s for sure!

thank you everyone ❤️

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I hadn't considered the 'cupboard above' option! This sounds like it could be it, if there's a mix of things in there then something could have fallen out.

Original poster

Strugglingmama1 · 31/01/2025 21:37

BlackStrayCat · 31/01/2025 21:32

It is this. Classic, narcissitic gaslghting act. My hideous domestically abusive (proved in court) ExH did it. But with underwear.
DDs toys went missing.
Other random things appeared.

He doesnt want a divorce but he wants to make you crazy, insecure, controlled.

Hence where you would find them. Behind the airfryer.

As soon as I read your update it clicked instantly.

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This is very interesting. A couple of years back things were pretty (very) bad. And I 100% would have been behind this theory. But since I decided to try and make things work, it all settled down. But I think I need to maybe be more vigilant, because I absolutely thought I had lost my mind back then! Thank you so much

OP posts:

ThreeLocusts · 31/01/2025 21:40

Strugglingmama1 · 31/01/2025 14:46

I didn’t want to go this deep but the last few years have been rough and I tried to leave but he became nasty refused to leave and involved the children trying to manipulate them by playing the victim. Not a reasonable way to react when your wife tells you she is unhappy. Part of me wishes he had had an affair so I could get out, even though I’m scared. Genuinely wondered what people would be thinking if they found what I found but now I feel worse, but I know people are honest and I appreciate it but I regret posting and I’ll leave it there

What an awful situation, OP. So you'd like to leave because he's nasty but you can't leave because that brings out the nasty in him. You're afraid he'll turn the children against you.

I'll go out on a limb and say take another look at leaving. Is there any way you can prepare for an argument over custody, for example start a diary to record problematic things he does around/with the kids? Leave while he's away, get a mediator, suggest a reasonable childcare arrangement to show goodwill.... ?

Call Women's Aid, CAB - someone who'll help you think this through. Yes, perhaps he'll win the children over - for now. But you have your whole life to consider. All the best.

NiftyKoala · 31/01/2025 21:41

Personally I don't think he's cheating in your house. I think finding a woman who wants you enough to spend the night in a lorry is rare. However you don't have a sex life and you are unhappy. Get your ducks in a row and go. Your children will be happier and you'll be happier. Life is short .

NoBiscuitsLeftInMyTin · 31/01/2025 21:50

MarshMallowHeather · 31/01/2025 19:57

Do you go to a launderette or use a laundry service?

I'm intrigued now

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No, nothing like that at all, I am 100% bemused by it - I have nothing to hide from anyone but I cannot explain it. 💁

YourPunnyCat · 31/01/2025 21:51

If DH works away I doubt if he was cheating he’d be doing it in your home, just a thought.

RudbekiasAreSun · 31/01/2025 22:32

You don't like him dear poster, so why do ask for advice what people would do here? The decision is only yours

SpringBunnyHopHop · 31/01/2025 22:43

They sounds like something maybe a teacher would wear. Maybe one of the kids picked them off their desk or they ended up in a book bag.

Id be tempted to ask the teacher if they belong to her.

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 01/02/2025 10:36

I can hardly say “hey babe are these your dead mothers?”

Why can’t you?

Ceecee2422 · 01/02/2025 12:22

Strugglingmama1 · 31/01/2025 21:33

Definitely don’t have a cleaner lol that’s me. I don’t know, the children won’t admit to knowing about them, we live rural so I always tend to visit other people’s places. The only friend I’ve had over doesnt wear earrings like that.

there is only one other thing I can think of is that we have a cupboard above and quite close to where the air fryer lives, and in it are some things of his mums, and sadly she died last year. Maybe he picked them up when he went to clear the house out and they’ve been in cupboard and then fell out.
its plausible that he had forgotten about them as they aren’t expensive, but took them thinking that one of the girls might like them. Although when he saw them you’d think he’d say they were hers but I can hardly say “hey babe are these your dead mothers?”. So I guess I will never know! I’m not going to confront him that’s for sure!

thank you everyone ❤️

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I don’t think they’re another woman’s……..they’d have just been thrown out, I’d stop torturing yourself over it, from his reaction about them he clearly isn’t worried that he’s done something so I wouldn’t panic, I think the mother explanation makes more sense, I doubt he’d take them out of a truck and bring them home either, he’d just leave them because they could be anybody’s, and what woman would want to get in a truck for some sort of affair…….I’d honestly stop panicking

Pippyls67 · 02/02/2025 10:52

It’s the wrong place for it to be anything sinister I think. If it was down the sofa or in the bedroom that would equal ‘massive problem’. Behind the air fryer tho? Dh wouldn’t hide a gift for another woman in a place you might easily find them when cleaning so I don’t think it was that either. Could they have been maybe hidden taped to the underside of the cabinet above? By the previous homeowner? Just a thought.

rwalker · 02/02/2025 11:02

Sounds like your marriage is done and your grasping at straws to pin something on him so he can be painted as the villain

anon666 · 02/02/2025 13:08

Do the kids ever have friends over?

Seems unlikely to be him given the context and the item.