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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Leaving tonight after 8 years of DV

225 replies

BannaBanna1 · 30/01/2025 15:32

Cannot believe I am doing this. Never did I think I would get to this point, where I would be making actual moves.

Told work, manager was lovely.
Sorted out a a few nights stay at a friend's.
Hoping to pack essentials when he goes to work.

I am shivering and shaking as I write this.
Please help me get through this

OP posts:
Beaverbridge · 30/01/2025 19:59

Good for you, stay safe lovely. We, re all backing you on here. 💐💐💐

MadeForThis · 30/01/2025 20:02

Good luck and well done!

ThatDamnedDog · 30/01/2025 20:05

You are so brave, I hope everything went to plan and you are safely with your friend.
Don’t be swayed by anything he says, he will say anything to bring you back to heel. Stay safe and good luck, this is the first day of the rest of your life 🥰

Croney · 30/01/2025 20:07

Well done! If you have any wobbles, remember how much your dc will benefit and imagine we're all standing behind you!!! You can do it 💗💗just keep putting one foot in front of the other 💗💗

HumanRightsAreHumanRights · 30/01/2025 20:08

If you are leaving any devices you have used to go on the internet, don't forget to log out of any accounts and delete any saved passwords/change passwords.

Next step you take is heading towards a better, violence free life.
Taking it makes you a hero.

Every woman like you who finds the courage to leave, lights a torch on the path for other women stuck in bad situations by showing them that it can be done.

Eyerollexpert · 30/01/2025 20:09

We may all be strangers but we are all sisters and only by the grace of God we are not in your shoes. Feel the strength we are sending your way. May you and DC get the new life you deserve 🙏

StaxAttacks · 30/01/2025 20:21

Another who has walked those same steps offering a hand.
my life is so so much better. A calm and loving house for your child(ren) to grow up in. No better precious gift.

NameChanges123 · 30/01/2025 20:23

Awwww, thinking of you. Xx

SarahLdn740 · 30/01/2025 20:24

Well done for doing this for your child and yourself. Thinking of you. Hope you made it to your friend’s safely. Don’t back down. You deserve a much better life. Sending you all the best thoughts.

Tweedled · 30/01/2025 20:31

Rooting for you OP.
A huge well done for taking that brave step.
Stay strong you can do it.

feelingfree17 · 30/01/2025 20:37

Very proud of you
Thinking of you 💐

Sherrystrull · 30/01/2025 20:39

You're an inspiration!

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 30/01/2025 20:49

How are you doing?

Bouledeneige · 30/01/2025 20:56

Good luck OP! You deserve this. X

SchrodingersTwat2 · 30/01/2025 20:59

Good luck, OP!

I would either block him or turn your phone off for a day.

I think I received 50 messages and answering machine messages in the days after I left my ex, including one of him revving the engine saying he was going to kill himself, then silence. He's still alive, 20 years later... Don't worry about him too much!

BornSandyDevotional · 30/01/2025 21:01

Well bloody done! All the luck and best wishes in the world. It will get better. You're brave and you're strong. Remember that!

kellysjowls · 30/01/2025 23:00

Hope you're ok op and you are looking forward to your first night of freedom

Original poster
BannaBanna1 · 31/01/2025 03:29

I'm ok, but it's still not fully hit me yet, I think when it does, that's when I'll have a full-blown cry. I've woken up all of a sudden, with this pang of guilt. What's making me uneasy is the silence from him. There's no calls.or messages from him. He would usually pop in and kiss the DC before going back to work. Therefore he'd realise we're not at home

OP posts:
enidblythe · 31/01/2025 03:41

Well done.
It s ok it s going to take a while to adjust of course you are going to be jumpy.
P

lifesrichpageant · 31/01/2025 03:45

Congratulations OP. This is huge. A gift to yourself and your DC if you have them.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 31/01/2025 03:53

You’ve been conditioned to think about his needs and feelings for so long it’s normal you’re now feeling guilty but you must hold on to all he has done that led you to where you are now. Ask yourself did he feel guilt? Unlikely if he continued to abuse you. Also if he knew he was innocent why has he not tried to contact you to check you’re ok. The silence is a sign he knows exactly why you left.

MusicalDoc · 31/01/2025 03:55

OP you are an incredible and strong woman. You have taken this step to improve your life and the life of your children. I hope you are safe now. The next couple of weeks will be full of mixed emotions but you are strong enough to handle them.

A huge well done

FloralMoon · 31/01/2025 04:25

OP I’m now a grown woman and I still remember the night my Mum scooped us up in our dressing gowns and left. She was so brave and so are you.

Any feelings of guilt you have will soon be replaced with feelings of pride. You did it.

Hope you get some sleep and contact Women’s Aid asap.

You wonderful woman 🩷

MrsMacGyver · 31/01/2025 04:25

❤️🌹 Well done. Don’t ever forget how strong and amazing and fabulous you are x

Loafbeginsat60 · 31/01/2025 04:30

Good luck op - be strong and don't go back