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Original poster

Awkward work colleague situation

246 replies

AlexisP90 · 22/01/2025 19:55

Male colleague - ill call him Henry for the sake of this thread.

Me and Henry have been close work colleagues for about 6 years (length of time we have both worked at our work place)

When I say close - when we are in the office we go for lunch, have teams chit chat calls when we are not. Me and Henry both have partners and children. Never has anything been more than chats and lunch.

At the Christmas party Henry got drunk and told me he liked me more than a friend. He leaned in for a kiss which I moved away from. I then told him to get a cab and I went home.

Nothing was mentioned again. Great.

Anyway. Last night there were work drinks. I didn't go. Henry got drunk and text me repeating he liked me and tried to call a few times.
I ignored all and haven't replied to anything.

I have to go in tomorrow for a meeting. He will be there.

Do I mention it? Bring it up? Ignore it? I hold a senior position in the company (as does he) and really don't want him to keep doing this and other colleagues hear and start gossiping but at the same time I don't want to make it more awkward by bringing it up...

OP posts:
therattlebag23 · 22/01/2025 20:04

I think you need to go for lunch together and tell him kindly but firmly that you don't feel the same way. I imagine that while you see him as a work colleague, Henry sees you as a friend and has fallen for you big time.

Original poster
AlexisP90 · 22/01/2025 20:10

therattlebag23 · 22/01/2025 20:04

I think you need to go for lunch together and tell him kindly but firmly that you don't feel the same way. I imagine that while you see him as a work colleague, Henry sees you as a friend and has fallen for you big time.

I think you're right.. I just hate these kind of awkward conversations. Especially with work involved.

You're absolutely right though - I think I do need to bring this up head on to avoid this continuing to happen.

OP posts:
AlphaApple · 22/01/2025 20:16

Sounds like Henry has a problematic relationship with alcohol. Personally I would just block his number.

Machya · 22/01/2025 20:16

therattlebag23 · 22/01/2025 20:04

I think you need to go for lunch together and tell him kindly but firmly that you don't feel the same way. I imagine that while you see him as a work colleague, Henry sees you as a friend and has fallen for you big time.

This and make it cystal clear that you are happy and content with your partner and family and would NEVER do anything to jeopardise either.

Step away from him.
He is game and is sniffing around you.
He's clearly up for cheating.
NEVER mess where you eat, it rarely ends well.

grimmeeper · 22/01/2025 20:17

I don't think I'd say it to his face I think I'd put it on a text as a reply to the ones he sent you
Put it in writing

LL1991 · 22/01/2025 20:18

I’d have a coffee and shut this one down asap or it’ll just keep repeating and one day someone will overhear or his wife will see a text.

KeepinOn · 22/01/2025 20:21

No more lunches and teams chats. He's crossed a line you can't really row back from.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 22/01/2025 20:23

No i wouldn't do it in person as it could only fuel rumours of infidelity, imagine if his dp has read all those messages. Put it crystal clear as anything in a text that you are not interested.
You don't owe him fuck all.

Original poster
AlexisP90 · 22/01/2025 20:35

We haven't really spoken much since the Christmas party (I'm not in the office much and tried to limit the chit chat by having a lot of "meetings") so I thought I could just wing it and avoid it - but last nights messages show that's completely nieve thinking from me.

I'm very happy with my family and even if I wasn't or was single I don't see Henry that way at all.

Dreading seeing him tomorrow. And that's silly isn't it because I should in no way be embarrassed.

Thanks for all the advice. You're all correct. I need to bring this up and shut it down asap

OP posts:
Tumbler2121 · 22/01/2025 20:37

Ignore his proclamations of love/lust.

Just go see him, tell him in stern teacher mode he needs to leave off the alcohol because he makes a fool of himself.

Adamante · 22/01/2025 20:43

I don’t think “Henry” has “fallen for you big time” at all. I think “Henry” just loses his inhibitions when drunk and tries to cross the friendship barrier at that time with someone he already has a friend relationship with because he perceives it to be easier. I should think “Henry” firmly pushes it to the back of mind when he’s sober and pretends it never happened. I wouldn’t go out for lunch with him, I’d tell him very firmly to pack it in because he has ruined your friendship by behaving like a total creep, then keep any interactions strictly professional from now on.

TheseCalmSeas · 22/01/2025 20:48

I certainly wouldn’t do this face to face. You could just reply to the message with what you’ve already said. You’re in a happy relationship & you don’t want this raised again. See you on Monday (or whenever).’

This is not your problem to feel embarrassed or worried about

AlphaApple · 22/01/2025 20:50

Agree with @Adamante, I wonder how many other women Henry has propositioned while pissed.

DaisysChains · 22/01/2025 20:51

Some men can turn nasty if turned down or attention is drawn to them making dicks of themselves

I’d be replying in writing for him to stop all non-work communication so it is 100% clear where you stand, both to him and to your work

Calmhappyandhealthy · 22/01/2025 20:55

I think Henry is a twat

Don't meet him or have lunch with him

Text him telling him no more inappropriate comments or .... [insert as appropriate]

Personally I'd threaten to tell his line manager/director if he misses up again

The man's an idiot

Rainbowscakes · 22/01/2025 20:56

In my view, you’re half way there anyway if you and Henry go for lunch all the time and are having cosy little Teams chats everyday. All your colleagues will be talking about you. In your position I wouldn’t be surprised that Henry made a move.

Whatever others say, it always goes back to the fact that men don’t waste THAT much time on women they don’t fancy. You know that though don’t you? I feel sorry for both of your partners.

Now you’ve had your ego boost, time to let him down and learn from this.

Freeme31 · 22/01/2025 20:57

You need to stop the lunches and friendly chats. He has crossed a line and you need to tell him either in person or text and id tell your partner as it looks suspicious if you keep this from him id also tell him you have told your husband that should ensure he gets the message. How would you feel if you were his wife? Youd appreciate someone like yourself being open & honest

Original poster
AlexisP90 · 22/01/2025 21:02

Rainbowscakes · 22/01/2025 20:56

In my view, you’re half way there anyway if you and Henry go for lunch all the time and are having cosy little Teams chats everyday. All your colleagues will be talking about you. In your position I wouldn’t be surprised that Henry made a move.

Whatever others say, it always goes back to the fact that men don’t waste THAT much time on women they don’t fancy. You know that though don’t you? I feel sorry for both of your partners.

Now you’ve had your ego boost, time to let him down and learn from this.

Oh fucking hell. Sorry. I forgot this is 2025 and men and women can't be friends.

Wasn't looking for any ego boost. We just got on and it was someone to go to grab lunch with. I don't believe I have in any way led him on. I have a lot of male friends. None of them message me pissed telling me they like me.

I accept your message but I wasn't looking for any ego boost. That's annoying to hear because it's not true.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlexisP90 · 22/01/2025 21:03

Freeme31 · 22/01/2025 20:57

You need to stop the lunches and friendly chats. He has crossed a line and you need to tell him either in person or text and id tell your partner as it looks suspicious if you keep this from him id also tell him you have told your husband that should ensure he gets the message. How would you feel if you were his wife? Youd appreciate someone like yourself being open & honest

You're right. I'll tell DP and show him the message tonight. I have nothing to hide from him

Only reason I hadn't is because I was nievely waiting for it to go away!

OP posts:
MyNewLife2025 · 22/01/2025 21:08

Sounds like another case of a man who thinks that if a woman is friendly it’s because she must be into him.
I mean the incident at Christmas should have been enough to make him tone it down big way.

I agree you need a chat. But I’d also avoid lunch together and too many chitchat too.

Original poster
AlexisP90 · 22/01/2025 21:10

MyNewLife2025 · 22/01/2025 21:08

Sounds like another case of a man who thinks that if a woman is friendly it’s because she must be into him.
I mean the incident at Christmas should have been enough to make him tone it down big way.

I agree you need a chat. But I’d also avoid lunch together and too many chitchat too.

Totally. Lesson learned.

OP posts:
NeedToAskPlease · 22/01/2025 21:11

I'd also put it in writing ie text him back.... so he can't ever deny the conversation and accuse you of leading him on

MyNewLife2025 · 22/01/2025 21:12

Rainbowscakes · 22/01/2025 20:56

In my view, you’re half way there anyway if you and Henry go for lunch all the time and are having cosy little Teams chats everyday. All your colleagues will be talking about you. In your position I wouldn’t be surprised that Henry made a move.

Whatever others say, it always goes back to the fact that men don’t waste THAT much time on women they don’t fancy. You know that though don’t you? I feel sorry for both of your partners.

Now you’ve had your ego boost, time to let him down and learn from this.

You mean that men cannot conceive that women could be interested with friendship but NOT with a date.

That they can’t comprehend that a woman who has clearly said NO once (at the Christmas party) isn’t interested. Ha yes! That must be because when women say No, they mean Yes and want you to chase them! silly me…..

UnicornWorld · 22/01/2025 21:14

Rainbowscakes · 22/01/2025 20:56

In my view, you’re half way there anyway if you and Henry go for lunch all the time and are having cosy little Teams chats everyday. All your colleagues will be talking about you. In your position I wouldn’t be surprised that Henry made a move.

Whatever others say, it always goes back to the fact that men don’t waste THAT much time on women they don’t fancy. You know that though don’t you? I feel sorry for both of your partners.

Now you’ve had your ego boost, time to let him down and learn from this.

I'm sorry for whatever you've been through to feel like this but there was absolutely no need for that to @AlexisP90

Original poster
AlexisP90 · 22/01/2025 21:18

All good. Thank you all (mostly all) for the advice.

I agree a message is a good idea which is what ill do so there can be no crossed wires/denial/anything misinterpreted or twisted.

OP posts:
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