Awkward work colleague situation

[AlexisP90]

Male colleague - ill call him Henry for the sake of this thread.

Me and Henry have been close work colleagues for about 6 years (length of time we have both worked at our work place)

When I say close - when we are in the office we go for lunch, have teams chit chat calls when we are not. Me and Henry both have partners and children. Never has anything been more than chats and lunch.

At the Christmas party Henry got drunk and told me he liked me more than a friend. He leaned in for a kiss which I moved away from. I then told him to get a cab and I went home.

Nothing was mentioned again. Great.

Anyway. Last night there were work drinks. I didn't go. Henry got drunk and text me repeating he liked me and tried to call a few times.
I ignored all and haven't replied to anything.

I have to go in tomorrow for a meeting. He will be there.

Do I mention it? Bring it up? Ignore it? I hold a senior position in the company (as does he) and really don't want him to keep doing this and other colleagues hear and start gossiping but at the same time I don't want to make it more awkward by bringing it up...

I wouldn't be alone with him in any context at all.

Respond once to his text messages tell him this is unprofessional, unwelcome and is making you feel uncomfortable at work. And that it must stop.

Not sure this is you being naïve so much as him being unprofessional and refusing to read your signals of non interest.

I had NO idea. I have lots of male friends. I go to lunch with them, have dinner/drinks. My best friend is a male!!

Absolutely ridiculous that a man and a female can't go for lunch or have a chat. Oh its so easy to blame the woman for leading a man on isn't it. Better stop wearing a skirt to the office incase I accidentally lead a male colleague on

In NO WAY did I lead him on. Our chats were usually about life and what me my partner and our child did at the weekend! For FUCK SAKE.

I didn't hear from Henry yesterday. We had a work teams meeting (with other people) but aside from that nothing.

I have blocked his number, made it clear I have no interest and will now distance myself. I will not stop having a quick drink after work with my other colleagues. Why should I.

DP said similar. Why should I be embarrassed and hide in a hole. If he does anything again I will be going to HR immediately.

DP also said " Rght the chancer has been told now. If he messages you again tell him I want a little chat with him" (obviously that would make it worse but I appreciate it!)

Thanks for all the advice.

This in our day would be called leading someone on.

🙄

"This.

She must have known he fancied her, all women know pretty much instantly.

This in our day would be called leading someone on."

Seriously? You think it's the op's fault? It's the woman's fault for "leading him on"? Despite the fact she has, on multiple occasions now told him explicitly that his messages are not welcome?

Poor little defenseless men, getting led on...

Give me strength!

I think you've handled this really well @AlexisP90 and your DH too!

Your day is over, thank god

🦖

Ok let's be as ego driven as the op....

I've known exactly who has fancied me throughout life, in no way has anyone ever overstepped my boundary due to the fact I respected my partner too much.
I employ many men and even now as an older woman know that my qualities of being financially secure are quite appealing to men.

Op is a drama lama, it's very easy to be profesional at work and I'm sure others have noticed her lapping up attention from her colleague, her h now knows someone fancies her, we all in MN now know someone fancies her, some women get off on this.
The faux anger of being desirable.

Grow up, this man would not have overstepped the mark if he had not been allowed to overstep certain social boundaries.

What drama do you want for advice op ? to have him sacked, for your husband to beat him up and be jealous, to be the centre of attention at work for sexual harrasment and to have MN applaud you for not putting in place boundaries when they needed to be placed earlier.

Sorry but I live in the real world, whereby I don't take others for fools.

Do you have an HR department? Speak to them.

If not, just block his number.

I had no intention of posting on this thread but I simply wish to register my opinion that this - and the others like it - are utter bullshit.
I've occasionally not known when someone has fancied me and I've also occasionally fancied someone and thought they reciprocated and found out they didn't (and backed off at that point obviously). The idea that @AlexisP90 'must have known' and therefore 'must have wanted it and led him on' is out of the fucking dark ages.
OP you handled it perfectly.

Thank you. Honestly choosing to totally ignore that post.

If I had wanted drama I would either have kissed him back at the Christmas party or gone straight to HR and made a fuss when it happend...

Infact I have gone out of my way to try and handle this without anyone else getting involved or Henry being embarrassed.

Surely if i wanted attention thats the wrong way to go about it?! Would be pretty dumb

As I have said I have lots of male friends. Not one of them has tried this.

Lunch and a chat about life (nearly EVERY conversation was about DP and DS and what we were up to at the weekend etc etc)

Anyway. Dont know why im justifying myself. Thank you all for your comments. Some great advice and hopefully no more will come of this. Hopefully Henry has got the message.

I'll make sure I wear my nun outfit to work from now on and stand 4 feet away from all men. Wouldn't want them to think om leading them on!

You're one if those people who 'says it like it is' who nobody actually likes aren't you?

I've read some horseshit in my time but that wins the award. I sincerely hope you have no women working for you, bless them.

I'm not going to give you the attention you so clearly want and I hope op doesn't either.

Jesus Christmas.

I hope you're never on a jury.

What complete and utter bollocks. Maybe you are leading men on if you act like they are just another human being but don’t reflect your behaviour onto the rest of us. It’s perfectly normal for men and women to just be friends. Men are perfectly capable of this and if you don’t think so you must have a pretty shoddy set of examples in your life.

To be honest I haven't known men take interest in and actively seek out a woman to listen to her mundane chats they didn't fancy shagging. The way you see them treat women they don't fancy as invisible or rude even is almost comic. It's only on MN and Dutch people who keep saying men and women can be platonic friends! I haven't seen it happen in my life or others.. often the woman is simply in denial about the male's interest or turns a blind eye.
So I think you were naive. His behaviour is wrong of course.

Perhaps I was nieve but my own experiences have been different.

I have a best friend who is male. We have been friends for 20 years. Both married/with partners separately with kids. We go out for drinks/dinner regularly. Usually with our partners but sometimes not.

Never have any of us tried anything with the other or have any Interest in doing so (can't speak for him obviously but if he is he is playing a rather longgg game about it!)
We just have similar interests and get on.

Op please don't take any heed of these posts. Absolute nonsense.

Charming.

I've found there is always two sides to a story.

I'm showing you the same respect you showed the OP, ie none.

The point is, OP only knows what she knows, which is Henry has repeatedly crossed a line while pissed.

I don't think this is about Henry's special feelings for OP, ones that she should have known about or ones that she has enjoyed/encouraged (which I don't for a minute believe),

I think this is about Henry sleazing on any female in his radius/on his WhatsApp once he's had a few.

And after being his colleague and knowing him for 6 years she's not fugured this out.