Awkward work colleague situation

[AlexisP90]

Male colleague - ill call him Henry for the sake of this thread.

Me and Henry have been close work colleagues for about 6 years (length of time we have both worked at our work place)

When I say close - when we are in the office we go for lunch, have teams chit chat calls when we are not. Me and Henry both have partners and children. Never has anything been more than chats and lunch.

At the Christmas party Henry got drunk and told me he liked me more than a friend. He leaned in for a kiss which I moved away from. I then told him to get a cab and I went home.

Nothing was mentioned again. Great.

Anyway. Last night there were work drinks. I didn't go. Henry got drunk and text me repeating he liked me and tried to call a few times.
I ignored all and haven't replied to anything.

I have to go in tomorrow for a meeting. He will be there.

Do I mention it? Bring it up? Ignore it? I hold a senior position in the company (as does he) and really don't want him to keep doing this and other colleagues hear and start gossiping but at the same time I don't want to make it more awkward by bringing it up...

It's good HR are onto him. He sounds like his behaviour towards women and men is deteriorating. He's an adult and should face consequences.

Sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape and have handled the situation perfectly.
I dint want to imagine what would have happened if his assumptions re your keenness towards him had mixed up with a bullying attitude.
Even though him not letting it go might have been a first step…..

Yes, it sounds too like the wheels are falling off his bus and he's now taking it out on other people. I wonder too if the office gossips have noticed you and he are no longer as close and that's why you've been questioned? Who else have they asked about his behaviour?

Well done for maintaining your professionalism.

It does sound like he's been taking things out on people. Some others have said he's been "in a mood" the last few weeks.

It could well be I've been questioned because people have noticed we haven't been going for lunch/chatty.
HR just said they were questioning anyone who works closely with Henry.

Well handled OP.
Henry is a twat.

Thats a shame,
I honestly thought this was going somewhere. 😞

Haha 😂🤣 I know seriously this made me laugh out loud.

What’s wrong with you? The OP is very happily in a relationship and has, quite upsettingly, been harassed by her coworker who she thought was her friend to get into an affair.
Why would you tell her to go for it as she has nothing to lose and then post this tripe about being disappointed? You think she should have gone and had an affair because hey, nothing to lose despite being in a relationship and she doesn’t like the guy?

This is someone’s actual life, not a movie. What’s wrong with you?

It’s Henry.

Thank you. It's a wild comment especially as I have clarified numerous times I'm happy with my relationship and even if I wasn't I'm not interested in Henry.

It is upsetting. Its upsetting to suddenly going from talking to someone most days at work thinking we are friends to completely ignoring them aside from when I must for work - and even THEN being very careful with my words, looks, eye contact..

I'm also second guessing the way I speak to my other male colleagues. Absolutely ridiculous really.

If Henry has somehow found this post - I'm not interested and even if my lovely partner decides to leave me I'm STILL not interested.

@AlexisP90

You’re not at all wrong for being upset. You’ve lost a friendship, and even if it was a light work friendship, you’ve lost that routine and little chats that gave you a more social time at work. Any time anyone loses a friendship, they need a little while to be sad about it and adjust to how things go without that friend.

It’s probably doubly upsetting with the way it happened as, as you say, you feel like you now have to be guarded around other male colleagues in case it was somehow your fault. It wasn’t. You did nothing wrong, it was just him. So give yourself some time to feel angry about that and then go back to being your usual self with everyone else.

Just thought I would update this for anyone interested...

We have barely spoken the last few months. Only when needed.

Henry left this week.. Just wasn't in one day and the next we got an all staff email that he no longer worked for the company.

I knew a bit more as was in a board meeting where it was mentioned. Numerous people came forward accusing him of bullying/harrassment and he left before he was pushed.

He messaged me this weekend (on a different number - I blocked his) having a huge rant about women and "teasing" and how "women" had ruined his whole life.

Then another text 15 minutes later asking me if I was horny and wanted to meet....

I blocked that number and hope he gets the help he needs.

Henry sounds absolutely fucked up (and like he hasn’t learned anything from all this!).

I remember this thread! Ugh what a pest glad hes gone and sorry for all the upset it caused you!!!!

So sleazy man tries it on with a female colleague who has simply been friendly, and some people - some women - blame the woman?

Fuck. That. Shit.

@AlexisP90 - this was 100% the fault of your sleazy colleague, and I am sorry some people have suggested otherwise. I think you did nothing wrong, and handled the whole thing well.

haha.. the nerve of his second text.

with me i didnt directly tell a collegue that i liked them, my fellow collegues did it instead

i never expected anything to come of it because she was not intrested in males for a relationship

Hahaha! As if the message you were responding to wasn’t ridiculous enough 😂

it’s the OP’s fault for not being a mind reeder… obviously. 🙄 maybe she showed a bit of ankle one day! She was Practically asking for it.

Get back to the 1950 ‘s with your misogynistic bollocks.

Wow, see ya, Henry!

Clearly he has lots of issues with relating to people. What a prick.

Wow! WTAF?!

Heaven help any future employer!

He definitely needs help or he's going to end up in serious trouble at some point.

Ugh, he's vile.

Never him that's the problem eh?

You handled it with dignity and grace.