Awkward work colleague situation

[AlexisP90]

Male colleague - ill call him Henry for the sake of this thread.

Me and Henry have been close work colleagues for about 6 years (length of time we have both worked at our work place)

When I say close - when we are in the office we go for lunch, have teams chit chat calls when we are not. Me and Henry both have partners and children. Never has anything been more than chats and lunch.

At the Christmas party Henry got drunk and told me he liked me more than a friend. He leaned in for a kiss which I moved away from. I then told him to get a cab and I went home.

Nothing was mentioned again. Great.

Anyway. Last night there were work drinks. I didn't go. Henry got drunk and text me repeating he liked me and tried to call a few times.
I ignored all and haven't replied to anything.

I have to go in tomorrow for a meeting. He will be there.

Do I mention it? Bring it up? Ignore it? I hold a senior position in the company (as does he) and really don't want him to keep doing this and other colleagues hear and start gossiping but at the same time I don't want to make it more awkward by bringing it up...

OP is not unusual in that as several PP and now myself will state.

I had something somewhat worse than a drunken text from an occasional colleague who I saw most days but had no real relationship with. Occasional chat about work to full blown assault one evening as I was leaving. He confessed as I managed to get him off that I'd been on his mind for the 5 years I'd worked in the same place. I'd no idea.

I've had problems with several work colleagues like this. I don;t have relationships with colleagues, I don't joke about sex etc with them, I never ask for help, and I am professional when dealing with them, but sometimes it happens.

I'm maintained platonic friendships with men, we don't all instantly know or at least presume to know when a man fancies us.

I'm sorry you went through that. What an arse. Hugs

Clearly not all of us possess this skill to detect when someone fancies us. Is this taught in school? Must have missed that lesson.

Often they don’t fancy us at all - they just have us down as somebody who might not keep saying no if they keep pestering (either we’re a people pleaser, or seem friendly, or conflict averse).

I don’t think any of this is deep unrequited passion, it’s a rapey man trying to push his luck and then getting pissed off when thwarted.

Agree

It's actually nothing to do with whether he fancies you. The issue here is men (and women on this thread alone) thinking the onus is on women to be accountable for men's predatory behaviour. Posters like that are as guilty as he is, worse so because she should know better.

You're so 100% right

Jesus Christ, what an absolute fruitcake.

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this op. To get things back on rail after the ceo of victim blaming, how are things now

OP you've done nothing wrong and it shouldn't have taken blocking him to end his harrassment. No means no, and he's the one who should be feeling guilty here.

Not heard anything from Henry thankfully. I have blocked his number but he could email me - although i hope he's not that desperate. ..

Hopefully he got the message. I have kept his messages just incase I need them for any reason.

It did occur to me yesterday that maybe he just wants to talk and clear the air, but unfortunately he's blown the trust now.

I had hoped that too. I had hoped for a reply to my last message along the lines of I'm an idiot I had too much to drink and I was stupid.

That would have been great. A line in the sand almost and we could have just moved on (aside from the lunches and chats obviously)

The silence is fine aside from a bit awkward work wise.

I echo a lot of the PP. I doubt Henry is in love with me but mistook my friendship for something more or is bored/looking for a fling and saw me as an option.

No ego boost here. Even if I wasn't happy with my DP I'm far too tired with mum life to even entertain having to juggle anther aspect in my life 😅

I think you sound really lovely Op

@AlexisP90 Thanks

@UnicornWorld

I'm in total agreement., To tell the OP she was leading him on is absolutely crass and victim blaming. To not be instantly aware when a man might harbour more intentions than you know is not a personality fault, it's a societal expectation that we are all capable of self restraint.

It seems no woman is allowed to treat a man like a human being without being blamed for the handful who decide the hand of friendship means so much more than it does. It's old fashioned BS that shold have gone out with the ark.

Instantly aware, she's known him 6 years. 😂

And back you come again. Nobody cares what you think.

She's just a misogynistic bully that PP.

You haven’t been naive, you haven’t led him on.
Women shouldn’t have to go around always guarding ourselves against a friendship just in case a man decides to pester for more. It is not naive to have male friends and believe they can remain friends. This guy is just an ass, and a pushy pest as well. He was told no but kept trying it on. He is the problem, not your naivety.

Repeating an invalid point just continues to make it an invalid point.

The poster(s) blaming OP - maybe you don't believe no means no?
Or perhaps women should be covered and stay in their kitchen?

Don't be silly.

If op genuinely has not realised this man fancies her then I agree she should keep all correspondence, he should too.

You should make a complaint.

If op genuinely has not realised this man fancies her
Victim-blaming!

It's almost as if she's kept all her correspondence

Why should he keep it? Actually don't answer that, you've had your airtime

Honestly, give it a fucking rest. I sincerely hope you're not actually a manager.

Both parties should keep all documentation, for both sides to be heard.

I'm afraid that's how it works.

Let's not pretend you're interested in OPS side 🤣