DH won’t stop touching me

[BakeSaleTomorrow]

It’s constant! His main thing is smoothing my arms - from my wrist to the top of my arm. He does this all the time, when I’m cooking, holding a kettle of boiling water (!) washing up or working. It’s extremely irritating, he can’t walk past me without touching a part of me but it’s the arm smoothing that’s giving me the ick! I’ve told him to get off, especially when I’m busy or holding boiling stuff but he keeps doing it and sulks saying that he can’t touch his own wife etc.

I’ve just said to my partner that he constantly has to be touching or kissing me. He says it’s impossible not to. Argh.

She’s ’told him to get off’. It says so right in the OP!

Ew
I'd talk to him when it's not in the moment, and tell him you are serious, it has to stop.
Focus on the safety side of it, if you are trying to spare he feelings, but be clear it has to stop.
He sounds worse than a dog or toddler underfoot, just not ok in the kitchen when you are working.

Even our teen son tells him to stop and that Mum doesn’t like it. He pulls his arm away.

In what world does ‘Get off’ not make it clear she’s not enjoying it?

What’s up with people’s reading comprehension these days?

he keeps doing it and sulks saying that he can’t touch his own wife

Fuck that. Tell him a) he's being a weirdo, b) someone is going to get scalded and c) when someone asks you to stop touching them, YOU STOP.

Your body is yours not his to touch if you don’t want him to.

Tell him to stop and that he doesn’t have your consent.

He would do my head in.

I also have told him I don’t like being touched unexpectedly when I’m deep in thought or busy cooking - especially holding boiling water. It startles me and he knows this. I have told him not to but he can’t help himself apparently.

Your teen understands consent better than your husband, point that out to him.

This

‘Get off’ should be enough. She shouldn’t need to give him a dissertation. ‘Stop doing it, I don’t like it’ should be enough. Honest to God, why are you defending his ignoring her boundaries?

My youngest DS is like this, it drives me crazy but I realise he's a child with ASD.

Your DH can be told to stop. Gently at first but it might be easiest to go mental on the third warning to get the message across. Tell him ignoring your feelings is disrespectful and a huge turnoff.

Yeah. He says “Stop! She doesn’t like it.” But he still carries on.

Oh the arguments I had about this!
They won’t change, sadly.
It got to the point I couldn’t bear to be touched at all.
Pretty much ruined our intimacy, and our marriage tbh.

He can help himself he just doesn’t want to.

He sounds like a gropey creep acting like a horny teenager.

Have you tried saying NO every time?
Not that you should have to.
Does he do it out in public?

DH suspects he’s autistic, he’s very black and white and says inappropriate things etc. I have ADHD with autistic traits (diagnosed) and DH knows I hate unexpected touching especially when deep in thought as I find it jarring. But there’s something about the constant arm smoothing that makes me cringe, I jump away every time he does it or bat him away.