DH won’t stop touching me

[BakeSaleTomorrow]

It’s constant! His main thing is smoothing my arms - from my wrist to the top of my arm. He does this all the time, when I’m cooking, holding a kettle of boiling water (!) washing up or working. It’s extremely irritating, he can’t walk past me without touching a part of me but it’s the arm smoothing that’s giving me the ick! I’ve told him to get off, especially when I’m busy or holding boiling stuff but he keeps doing it and sulks saying that he can’t touch his own wife etc.

You sound as though OP is being unreasonable for not wanting to have sex with an abusive sex pest. I would imagine his behaviour of grabbing her roughly and painfully between the legs when she was recovering from childbirth might have the effect of lowering her desire to have sex with this awful man.

He pesters for a while and I will to get him off my back for a while. That’s not good I know.

My phrase "in the wrong way" would suggest otherwise.

You are still making excuses for him. I would imagine that his dreadful behaviour came first so OP didn't want to have sex with him rather than OP just losing interest in sex which has led to his behaviour.

Reasons are not excuses.

He’s close to the children, only now has started to do things with our teen (out of the house) but never took them out on his own (when I was working) Would only do stuff when I was there too. Never took them to the park or anywhere on his own. This is probably off topic and for a whole other thread!

I think of it as the carrot and the stick. They give you just enough carrot to keep you tolerating the stick.

If I’m honest our marriage is dead, I flinch now when he touches me and I struggle to forgive how awful he behaved towards me when our children were babies (name calling, threats, threats to end his life if I disagreed with him or if I told him to leave) Something is broken and can’t be fixed, if I’m honest I don’t trust him and I’m not sure what he’s really capable of.

We have one teen and one upper primary school aged child.

Please get out op. Your parents won't care that they paid for your wedding and do you seriously think they'd prefer you stay with a man that treats you this way? You and your dc deserve better. Yes, he'll have a tantrum and threaten allsorts but grey rock him and move on, his issues are not yours to tolerate or fix xx

Based on what else OP has said it's definitely controlling not romantic

Having read all op's posts it is clear this is domestic abuse.

There's almost no sex.
(Not that that's an excuse for sexual assault)

The marriage is dead.

Op- can you take the DCs & go to a refuge?

Given you have a witness you could report these assaults to the police.

Get all your documents in order & in a safe place.

Have a fund & make the practical plans to escape.

The freedom program would help

It's really not ok for your children to witness this or grow up in this kind of sexually abusive environment.

Absolutely this.
Your husband sounds worse with every update. Please get yourself and your children away from him.

This would be extremely worrying to me OP, as young boys especially need to learn consent and “no means no”m

Your husband is deliberately ignoring your autonomy and refusing your non consent. He believes he owns you and cannot be told no. This is absolutely serious and I would be telling my husband at this stage to leave until he is willing to

A) accept how serious this is

B) Learn and demonstrate his understanding that your body is YOURS and not his

C) apologise profusely for his repeatedly ignoring your cries of stop and no, as well as for setting the very wrong and dangerous example to your son that a wife’s body belongs to her husband

I strongly advise you not to tell your children or husband that you've decided to leave. You can't risk him finding out as he sounds dangerously possessive. Women's Aid will have good advice for you but you must give them the full picture of his behaviour. Wishing you well.

I actually didnt process the first post correctly before chipping in. I wasnt aware this was about SA. Its easy to follow the wrong track of thought and I clearly had. I have apologised. I do not support sexual abuse in any way.
Really no need to bring up how i parent my daughters is there.

From what you’ve said about your DS, I suspect he would be happier without his dad living with him full time. He sounds like he has his head screwed on to be honest.

Oh I'm not alone... my husband does this and I hate it. He has been told but takes that as total rejection. I find it a bit creepy and childlike but then he did lose his mum as a child...

Well perhaps I hadn't read it all- grabbing vagina etc in the manner yu described is not romantic, obviously...duh

OKAY.

Fair enough.

Please be so very very careful @BakeSaleTomorrow. Prior to leaving an abusive relationship for good is statistically the most dangerous time for the victim so you need to be stealth, efficient and not breathe a word to a soul. Continue as normal. Continue to flinch when he touches you. Don’t speak to the children or anyone about it and then plan on making as swift an exit as possible. Please contact WA and they will offer you expert support.

Please keep us posted on how you are. I’m so glad that you realise that this is not normal and that you deserve so much better xx