DH won’t stop touching me

[BakeSaleTomorrow]

It’s constant! His main thing is smoothing my arms - from my wrist to the top of my arm. He does this all the time, when I’m cooking, holding a kettle of boiling water (!) washing up or working. It’s extremely irritating, he can’t walk past me without touching a part of me but it’s the arm smoothing that’s giving me the ick! I’ve told him to get off, especially when I’m busy or holding boiling stuff but he keeps doing it and sulks saying that he can’t touch his own wife etc.

When a woman (or any other person) says no, that's a full sentence. No need for justification. GET OFF! Is also a complete sentence. If anything the onus is on op's dh to find out why. But she's said she doesn't like ir. THATS ENOUGH.

I had an ex that would put his arm round my neck when sat next to each other. I said i didn't like it and he twisted it to say I didn't care about him etc. That was red flag number one and things didn't improve from there. What you're experiencing is another level entirely; please take care x

You know he is abusive. I really would LTB.

He's not joking though. In his mind you ARE his possession.

I’m really struggling to understand why you are still with this man.

You obviously don’t like him (no one can blame you) and he doesn’t like you either.

He’s literally trying to torment you in your own home and thinks it’s funny that you are uncomfortable.

The absolute worst part of all of this is that there are kids involved.

Sons are going to grow up thinking it’s ok to sexually abuse girls and continue doing it even if she says no (I’m surprised there have been no incidents already).

Daughters are going to grow up thinking their bodies are there for men to grope and that is how they show love.

It’s time to start thinking about what’s best for your kids.

Each post gets worse.

Tell him one more time that you do now want him to do this, you're not his play thing he doesn't own you or your arm and you are considering leaving him over it.

Or just winge at us and accept it will happen forever.

Urgh. I just read he grabs you and he can't help himself. You're not falling for that are you? He can help it. He doesn't want to.

Now now. I would never advocate violence. However unwanted touching while someone is holding a kettle with boiling water. Now that's reckless. OP could very well get so startled, so icked out that some of the hot water might splatter on the dh. Yes I can see that happening, completely by accident while op deftly steps aside safe from the water

OP, the more details you reveal, the more sexually abusive he seems.

It wouldn't surprise me if your son would supported you if you left him. He can see if with own eyes that his fathers is unkind and lecherous.

Yes.
Nothing else to add.
👍

he grabs your boob? grab his crotch and twist. Every time. Make his eyes water.

He touches you when you are holding a kettle? the temptation of course, would be to throw it at him (but please don't do that). I'd probably take to keeping a wooden spoon near me and smashing his hand with it.

Sleezy comments: ask him if his dad says those things to his mother. Again - just smack him with the spoon on the hand. Train him like you would train a dog.

Or just bin him off, it sounds exhausting.

Thank you all for your input and advice. I’ve got a lot to think about. I have talked to Women’s Aid in the past and they did a risk assessment. I remember her asking if he’s ever sexually assaulted me and I said no but I didn’t mention the constant groping, aggressive grabbing and continued touching even after I tell him no. I guess when I think of sexual assault I think of the worst possible scenario. I didn’t think of what he was doing could be classed as assault.

WELL....not the best for anyone involved. You don't like him, he is a pervert, you are autistic or ?

oh OP grabbing you between the legs and on the boob is sexual assault.
Even touching you against your will, especially as a display of dominance, is assault.
You are being abused and you need to get you and DC out of there.
Sorry.

He is a vile horrible man who has been sexually abusing you for years.

I think you should make plans to leave. It is seriously damaging for your son growing up in this toxic atmosphere witnessing his mother being abused on a regular basis. Get out for his sake if not your own.

Definitely assault. You don't have to put up with this.

He's a nasty, cruel BASTARD who is very, very disturbing.

What stops you from leaving him and divorcing?

'Touch me just one more time and you'll get this kettle of hot water tipped over your fucking creeping hand'

That should do it.

I am so so so sorry, OP. I just knew when you posted that more and more would be revealed about this dangerous predator. It is no surprise at all that he has been highly abusive in the past, especially when you were pregnant and at your most vulnerable. The fact that he does this in front of your child is horrifying: he’s either unable to see how damaging it is, or he knows exactly and wants to exact maximum humiliation, or he wants to damage both of you at the same time, in different ways.

He has not changed. He was not ‘crazy’ then. He is still a dangerous and predatory abuser. He’s just changed his methods.

Are you the poster who had several threads about this last year? And as the posts went on it escalated and escalated until he went from a minor annoyance to an all out rapist practically?

If so, he’s showing clear escalation.

Physically hitting and groping a woman recovering from a traumatic birth has actually sickened me to my stomach.

@Twaddlepip it was a few very odd threads, they may well have been deleted for err reasons. But I can't remember.

I just remember them starting fairly innocuous but then really gaining pace with loads of drip feeds

That is horrendous, it is sexual assault and with the added dimension of you recovering from childbirth. Sorry but he is vile, he sees you as a piece of meat with no feelings or autonomy. You deserve so much better, to be valued, respected and listened to.

He owns you because you’re his wife so he should be able to touch you whenever he likes. That’s how he sees it anyway…

its not how other men treat their wives. It’s not what other children have to deal with in their homes. It’s VERY far from how things are in a healthy relationship. I think I would talk to Women’s aid again and you could just copy and paste your posts from this thread if it’s hard to start talking to them. Love yourself enough to change this.