DH won’t stop touching me

[BakeSaleTomorrow]

It’s constant! His main thing is smoothing my arms - from my wrist to the top of my arm. He does this all the time, when I’m cooking, holding a kettle of boiling water (!) washing up or working. It’s extremely irritating, he can’t walk past me without touching a part of me but it’s the arm smoothing that’s giving me the ick! I’ve told him to get off, especially when I’m busy or holding boiling stuff but he keeps doing it and sulks saying that he can’t touch his own wife etc.

@Youngheartsalittletogetherness I realise that, and good for the DS. But if his mother continues to tolerate it, there's a possibility he'll start to think it's no big deal.

It's not a joke. He means it. He is still abusing you.

Have you considered divorcing?

What you're doing and saying isn't enough, OP

Scream at him. Knee him in the groin. Go skitz.

EVERY
SINGLE
TIME

I expect it'll upset him. Hooray. Maybe he'll stop abusing you

If the above doesn't work, report him to the police for sexual abuse

Except it's not a joke and he's committing a crime in plain sight. He's delighted with his luck.

He’s very rough when he grabs, I’ve always excused it thinking it’s rough play and that I’m too uptight but he’s hurt me before by grabbing and groping too hard.

I don't think it's weird at all to like some interactions but others @BakeSaleTomorrow. It's entirely your right and normal to enjoy a head massage (consensual) but not like being touched when or where you don't want to be (non-consensual).

My ex used to touch me in my genital area all the time or grab my boobs when I asked him not to. I hated it. After I left it took me a long time to accept that this was sexual assault as he'd just say I was being frigid and I believed him. Your husband 100% should not be touching you anywhere that you've asked him not to. I'm surprised in some ways that his teenage son reflecting this back to him hasn't raised any thoughts for him.

I think a really clear and frank conversation might be in order about what the consequences will be if he continues to do so.

I cannot bear that "soft stroking" sensation it tickles in a horrible way! I'd probably go mental if someone did that when I was cooking!! Much prefer a firmer touch and also theres a time and a place.

@BakeSaleTomorrow you're not answering the questions about support and leaving him. Is there a reason?

Stab in the arm with a fork when he does it. Say you can't help yourself and after all he's your husband, you should be allowed to do what you like to him.

It's just another form of abuse, OP.

Have you considered splitting up with him?

Your teen is aware of at least some of what is going on - don't you think it would be a good example to leave when someone treats you badly?

I think you should stop cooking and take your child to McDonald’s every time. Respond with you are not his possession every time and tell him that you will leave him (and mean it) if he doesn’t stop.

My God I've just read the rest of your posts he sounds awful!!!!

Yes he says that too. Calls me frigid and has grabbed me between the legs before. It’s always “sorry, I can’t help myself” I tore badly after giving birth and I remember months later I was still sore and he would slap my behind very roughly, his hand going between my legs, he knew I was still sore but he kept doing it. Sorry if that’s too much information.

Sorry @BakeSaleTomorrow as I typing my message all of your posts about his abuse came through. It's not a joke, you're not his possession to use as he pleasea. Scrap having a conversation, you honestly need to leave him. My main concern other than your wellbeing would be that this marriage will be teaching your son that this is how men treat women and that a woman's role is to tolerate it. I'm so sorry you're in this position but I've been there and can promise it won't get better.

He isn't joking. Can you leave?

He's a vile abuser.

This has gone beyond any "next time".

Have you told any professional or agency about this in real life? Do you feel able to?

He's a monster who physically hurts you, sexually assaults you and refers to you as his possession. Do you wish you could leave him? Do you need help to leave him?

@BakeSaleTomorrow
Please leave him asap, this is abuse. Puts me in mind of what women had to put up with before the liberating 60's, and what women in domestic service had to put up with.

He’s been verbally and emotionally abusive in the past - it was at its worst when I was pregnant and when the children were very young, he’s calmer now appears to be more “reasonable” He admits that he was “crazy” in the past

He has simply changed the way he abuses you. He can’t deny being abusive if he’s screaming and intimidating you and he wont have liked thinking about himself that way.

He’s just changed tactic and this way is deniable because he’s not sexually assaulting you, he’s being affectionate. Should his sexual abuse no longer have the desired effect he will again switch to another type of abuse.

Oh OP. Please start to make plans to leave him. He’s abusing you. Do you really want your son to grow up mirroring that behaviour towards women?

I'm so sorry he's done this to you. Please know that this isn't your fault. You've done nothing wrong or to cause him to behave like this. You're not frigid. And you also deserve so much better, and it honestly doesn't have to be like this. There are UK charities that can help you to leave safely with your son and can even offer financial assistance to do so.

The touching arm bit .. annoying and pisses you off understandably.
The slapping at you whilst torn after giving birth along with your other updates.
He's an out and out abuser
Hopefully you can get yourself and son away from him.

Jesus Christ, I’d be done for abh! Seriously, sit him down when he’s not doing it and tell him very seriously that he’s making you resentful and that it has to stop because it’s making you not want him to touch you ever, including in the bedroom. He does NOT fucking own any part of you and frankly sounds like a Neanderthal. Big ick. 🤮

Drip. Drip. Drip. Every post is worse than the last @BakeSaleTomorrow

You are being sexually assaulted, there's zero respect for you from your H. Your DS is seeing all of this, growing up in a toxic environment with a man who is abusing his mother in plain sight.

I can't believe how much some women put up with on this forum. It's shocking!

You need to commence divorce proceedings asap.