DH won’t stop touching me

[BakeSaleTomorrow]

It’s constant! His main thing is smoothing my arms - from my wrist to the top of my arm. He does this all the time, when I’m cooking, holding a kettle of boiling water (!) washing up or working. It’s extremely irritating, he can’t walk past me without touching a part of me but it’s the arm smoothing that’s giving me the ick! I’ve told him to get off, especially when I’m busy or holding boiling stuff but he keeps doing it and sulks saying that he can’t touch his own wife etc.

Thank you, I’m carrying on as normal and I won’t tell him of any plans until I have a place to move into and after seeking advice from WA. He was trying again this morning - I’ve just got to touch your arm! Some stuff makes my stomach turn like him groping my behind and saying “oh I can feel you are wearing a pad” which makes me feel embarrassed. Sorry if this is tmi.

It’s not TMI, you need a safe place to get this out and be told how absolutely unacceptable it is. I’m so happy to hear you’re contacting WA and planning your exit. I wish you every success in this, you deserve peace and safety away from him.

Yes: we are here to support you. The truth is never TMI. It is necessary information to share with WA and outsiders so you can give a full picture of what is going on. If you go to the doctor you have to tell him all your concerns and symptoms or how can he get you the right medication? Be as honest as you can so you get all the help you (and your children) deserve.

It’s not TMI at all. It’s good that you feel this is a safe space and that you have support.

The bum feeling/pad reference is so disturbing because it’s his way of trying to humiliate you while also letting you know that he’s taking note. It’s very dark and very disturbing.

Have you contacted WA again? And do you feel ‘safe’ in the short term?

Ah-HEM. To posters questioning OP as to whether they have sex or the frequency, know this. Any person is entitled to be celibate if they choose to be, married or not. If OP doesn't want to have sex at all that is her right. She should consider why that is and whether there is anything she wishes to do about it but if not, so be it. No one should 'put out' when they truly don't want to because of guilt or harassment.

The spouse/partner of such a person is entitled question that decision and express their needs gently and with honesty. But if the person's decision is final, then the partner/spouse needs to make the decision to stay or to leave and find someone more compatible. Not to pester or cheat. And absolutely not to force, threaten, or harass.

OP's problem is not her 'sex drive', it's not because she's overworked or tired due to his lack of help. It is her husband's disregard for her body autonomy and his sexually abusive behaviour.

And to all who say "But I've had sex when I really didn't want to" there is a world of difference between simply being 'not in the mood' and knowing that 'you really don't mind' because of your partner's loving behaviour and feeling disgusted by your partner's demanding behaviour or feeling actually coerced due to fear rather than 'convinced' by some 'gentle persuasion'. And again, each one of us gets to make the decision for ourselves as to where the line is between gentle persuasion and coercion.

Well said @AcrossthePond55 !

The OP’s DH’s behavior is absolutely abusive and is assault. Their sex life has nothing to do with it and us not an excuse.

But none of those posts I've seen said anything different.

Christ could you try and throw up on him every time he does it? That might put him off...........

What post?

Do you mean the “What do SAHMs do all day?” post?

I’m currently on a career break from work to care for my children but I’ll be returning to my job next year.

Yes I have fought to keep my job over the years. DH would have preferred me not to work although financially not working has an impact. Yes the job has been kept open for me to go back to. My youngest has complex needs and I’m home to provide care etc. It shouldn’t impact my leaving as I’ll be returning by the time I leave.

Troll-hunting when the OP is talking about being in an abusive relatsionship is out of order.

Follow the rules and report if you don't think she's genuine.

How’s it going op?