DH won’t stop touching me

[BakeSaleTomorrow]

It’s constant! His main thing is smoothing my arms - from my wrist to the top of my arm. He does this all the time, when I’m cooking, holding a kettle of boiling water (!) washing up or working. It’s extremely irritating, he can’t walk past me without touching a part of me but it’s the arm smoothing that’s giving me the ick! I’ve told him to get off, especially when I’m busy or holding boiling stuff but he keeps doing it and sulks saying that he can’t touch his own wife etc.

He sounds deranged.

You husband is a disgusting controlling misogynistic abusive cunt sexually assaulting you on a daily basis in front of your DC. He won’t stop because he thinks you’re his to abusive for tun.

Get your ducks in a row and tell him you want him to go. Do you really want to live like this being abused assaulted degraded and dehumanised because you’re nothing more to him than a possession to treat you as badly as he chooses and you tolerate it.

He wants the reaction from you. Obviously you can't ignore him when you have a hot kettle in your hand. I know it's hard but try ignoring him when he does it pretend he's not there.

All of that is absolutely disgusting on every level. Even your son is commenting on it.

Every time he touches you in that awful way smack him hard in the nuts and tell him that you ' just cant help it '.
You deserve better.

I'd turn it back on him.
Every time I walked past him I'd slap or pinch his bum or ruffle his hair if he was sitting down or similar, whatever you think.

He'd soon see how irritating it was.

I have never experienced anything like this @BakeSaleTomorrow but it makes my hairs on my neck stand on end. He doesn't like or respect you, what a nasty man.

I wouldn't really advise this given it looks as though he could turn violent based on op's other posts

How about ‘get the fuck off me!! Marriage is not an ownership certificate, I am not yours and you need to leave the room NOW. Next time this happens you will be leaving the house now. I think you can see where this will go- go stare at the mirror and say 50 times marriage is not an ownership certificate, my wife is a human being and it’s her body, and I’m in big trouble unless I can remember that. NOW.

sulks saying that he can’t touch his own wife

Ewwww. My vagina would clamp shut forever at that. You’re not his possession. He needs a long hard lesson about consent, it doesn’t just apply to sex. You should have agency over your own body - your body, your choice. He does not have the right to touch it without your consent. And the sulking would be such a massive turn-off for me.

What are the barriers to you leaving him, or kicking him out? Financial, emotional?

Because eventually you will split. If you don’t hate him now you eventually will. What he’s done is unforgivable. He should be in prison really and on the sex offenders register.

Your husband is abusive. You need to leave him.

Yes and then sulk saying “oh I can’t even smack my own husband’s nuts”

Pepper-spray him next time he touches you. Not joking.

Oh my God OP that is truly disturbing. Your husband is abusive. Of course he can help himself. You need to leave him.

I'm sorry you are going through this it does sound very annoying and awful he is not listening to you and how it makes you feel.
But this has nothing to do with autism . Autism doesn't make you abusive or sexual inappropriate to your spouse.
He is just an gross man .
It can't be used as some sort of excuse or explanation.

🚩 Run!

'Get the fuck off me you rapey bastard!' would seem to be appropriate.

You need to kick him out of the family home and divorce him. If you won't do it for your own sake, then you have to do it as a parent. Your own teenage son has a better understanding of consent than your husband does, and is trying to insist to his father that your boundaries should be respected because you won't do it. No child should be put in that position.

Please let there not be a daughter in this house.

There is only one way to solve this (other than spilling boiling water on him accidentally) and thah is to leave

You are being abused. The post about your experience after giving birth was just awful.

Can you split up safely? This person thinks they own you.

What do you want to do about it @BakeSaleTomorrow ?

Do you want to dodge his touches, or address it more assertively, or to leave? None of those are unreasonable responses. It isn’t even slightly “normal” or “ok” for your husband to hurt you or touch you without your consent.

Any physical touching that the receiver doesn't want is abusive. The more you describe the more abusive he sounds. I think you need to think carefully about what your next steps are. It sounds unbearable.

Do you also hate men who say groceries, don’t eat red meat, do Pilates and notice your shoes and handbags?

In case you picked the phrase at random Marian Keyes has a character in one of her books who despises men who are a “feathery stroker” and has a list of attributes she applies to them.

I had an ex boyfriend that used to constantly touch me, I’m neurodivergent and used to cringe away from him.
We were at my friends one evening and he wouldn’t leave me alone but I didn’t want to embarrass him by shouting at him to get off. In the end my friend said I wasn’t his pet or his property to stop pawing at me before she hit him!

He stopped for a while but then went to play with my hair on one occasion and I reacted on instinct and punched him in the face, we broke up after that. I was only 19 and it was a long time ago without the focus on consent there is now, I
felt guilty about being annoyed over it.

My DP slaps me on my bum sometimes and I do it back to him, if I ever told him to stop he would listen. I would never stay with a man now who continued to grope me knowing I hated it, it’s just disrespectful and blatantly ignoring that it’s causing upset and distress, it would make me feel like a piece of meat.

OP please don’t put up with this any longer, if your husband refuses to listen when you tell him to stop then explain he’s assaulting you, it’s a strong word but exactly what it is. If he doesn’t listen after that then it’s clear he has no issue knowing he’s assaulted you multiple times, do you want to stay with someone like that? Especially knowing your son is witnessing it.

Why are you with him? I’d have to leave.

Does he do all this in front of your son as well? He sounds utterly repulsive.

If you aren't consenting to any of this, it is sexual assault.

He's beyond redemption. I've seen more than one woman end a relationship over shit like this. Your DH is beyond a simple sex pest. He's an abuser who regards women as a bit less than human.

I'd be making plans to GTFO.