DH won’t stop touching me

[BakeSaleTomorrow]

It’s constant! His main thing is smoothing my arms - from my wrist to the top of my arm. He does this all the time, when I’m cooking, holding a kettle of boiling water (!) washing up or working. It’s extremely irritating, he can’t walk past me without touching a part of me but it’s the arm smoothing that’s giving me the ick! I’ve told him to get off, especially when I’m busy or holding boiling stuff but he keeps doing it and sulks saying that he can’t touch his own wife etc.

You need to scream and cuss him out. Obviously your quiet soft way of dealing with him is not working. You need to go nuclear and push him off with force and say "stop fing touching me!! I am not a damn pet. I hate you pawing on me all the time. I can't stand that you ignore me when I tell you NO! and to STOP! You're like a damn rist insisting on touching a woman's body when she told you not to. You're making me hate you. Keep this up and I will need to get a divorce in order to have some peace!" Try a different approach if you want a different result.

A lot clearer than ‘Get off. Stop doing this, I don’t like it. It’s dangerous when I’m cooking and I don’t want you to do it.’ ? How exactly would you be clearer?

Frankly, your victim blaming is gross and giving me the ick. Stop doing it.

Tell him you don’t give consent. If he does it again say to him and text him so that it’s in writing that you don’t want him touching you. If he does it again call the police for sexual harressment. That might focus the mind!

that or next time he does it when you have boiling water ‘accidentally’ drip a bit on him. He might get the message it’s dangerous!

It’s mainly at home that he does it. Yes I do say no every time.

My ex used to keep touching people on the face or arms. It was so bloody annoying. Once, he touched his adult daughter's face and she swung her arm round and absolutely whacked him on the face. You could hear the impact clearly. I don't know if she meant to respond like that or whether it was involuntary. He stopped doing it to her after that. Maybe you could try that, OP? Better still, wait til you have a heavy implement in your hand?

I cannot think of anything worse than someone constantly touching me when told not to. I think i may be on the spectrum but this makes me shudder. I could not cope with it. Too much contact. Even from people I love. But people i love know this after maybe 2: no don't touch me, they respect that. I think its a control thing, you are his therefore he can touch you, THAT is a control issue and something you should be aware of.

Does he ignore you on other things as well?

It's tempting to get him a shock collar or something.

But actually I think it would be a dealbreaker for me - he's not listening to no. He's not listening to your child's interventions.

I think this won’t stop with ordinary actions. He needs consequences, consequences, consequences. He won’t understand anything else. N ither eords he can’t /won’t respond to reason.

But if your dh can’t/won’t respond to reason Id leave because a violent, corrective, response is inappropriate and unsafe.

I get it
It's like feathery striking makes me not just cringe but white hot rage, almost like when someone is chewing loudly? I can't describe it

If it is "mainly at home" then he absolutely can stop it. He just doesnt want to. A bit like those men that are always shouting at their partner but not when other people are around.

Yes! I also hate the sound of people chewing! 🤢

My 3.5 year old DD does this to go to sleep or if she needs comfort, I grin and bear it because she's 3. If my Dh did this I would tell him to get off me now 😂 repeatedly.

It's tempting to get him a shock collar or something.

If he is startling you when you are carrying boiling water, he is lucky you have managed not to scald him yet.

I would accidentally tip something hot on him.
God it winds me up when men don't listen.

Yes, this. He also says things like “You are mine” “I own this arm” etc.

Could you accidentally spill the boiling water on him next time?

This just gets worse.

Oh fuck no. That's weird.

There is something unpleasantly childlike & clingy about the way you've described it, like someone who constantly wants reassurance and attention.

He's now touching you to the point of distress it seams and even your son can see it and knows it's wrong.

Urghghh....he owns this arm? 🤢

He can help it ,he chooses not to.
When I'm in the kitchen cooking etc that would do my nut it ..I'd be telling him get the fuck out of my kitchen!!

So I'm thinking he is domineering generally and this is the tip of the ice-berg, yes?

That, op is seriously creepy.

is he an arsehoke in other ways?

A good slap of that pot you are holding and tell him if he does it once more he will never wake up again. I'm all for a bit of fun and games, but stop or no means stop or no, not maybe, no yes, not okay. Sadly us ladies all know this, but some men still do not see us being able to have the right to say no, and that is no to anything we don't like such as kissing, being touched, groped, raped, being treated like a possession. Yuck, I'd be in the divorce court asap.

Just leave him. What a miserable way for you both to live. He wants to touch his wife’s arm without asking for permission and you do not want to be touched unless permission has been sought and agreed.
Just leave and find someone who is happy not to touch you or just be single.