Slept with the lodger - what the hell now?

[Idiotcentral]

Moved a man into my spare room a few months back. He is a family friend although I had not met him till last Oct. He is 10 years my junior, very likeable, we get along really well. As friends. Or so I thought till last night after waaaaaaaaaay too many drinks he pretty much kissed me and I did not object, we ended up in bed together. I am a single parent to a child who is thankfully in school today and no wiser as to what happened. It has not been awkward but it is NOT going to be a relationship. I do not want one and especially not with him however his lease agreement is in place and as he is not from the same country as I am and knows nobody else here he wont be looking to move out. He made a quip this morning before going to work about us being 'friends with benefits' but I have never done that before and not comfortable with that arrangement anyway especially with my teenaged child here but what do I do? Obviously discussing it with him is the right thing but we are both single, clearly attracted to each other and really do get along so well but shit we have now had sex. I dont know what to do from here. Bloody stupidity. Actually really annoyed with myself this morning.

Ask him to move out. You can't have him live with you after this.

Why are you annoyed? keep him as a FWB, BabyGirl

I think you need to ask him to move out to be honest. It’s permanently changed the relationship, and if that’s not what you want then you need ro remove him/ yourself from this situation.

Enjoy yourself!

I’d go for the FWB 😁. Knock yourself out girl !!

I don’t feel you should feel bad if you both had a nice time. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
It’s good that you’re both attracted to one another and it wasn't the beer goggles that caused it. I guess you’ll have to be very careful and sensitive to the fact your child lives with you. I don’t think he needs to move out especially if you’re into him. Play it by ear for a while.

Make it clear it was a mistake and won't be happening again, i don't see how you can keep him as your lodger now though.

I think I watch too many Netflix documentaries but I would be a bit scared in your situation. A line has been crossed and he already has a FWB expectation. You have a child in the house. I would ask him to leave.

If you already knew him and liked him and he is a family friend, I don’t see enough to feel worried about this / him. It’s not what you expected or planned but that’s OK, isn’t it?

If you don't want this to progress any further (and I totally understand why you wouldn't), you have to sit him down and explain categorically that it was a one-off and it will not be happening again. If it does, he will have to move out. If he continues flirting after you've been very clear, I would tell him that he will need to move out.
He doesn't have the same legal rights as a tenant as he's only a lodger and you can give him reasonable notice (say a month), if the arrangement isn't suiting you.

Just because he isn't from the same country as you, doesn't mean he isn't an adult who can find another lodger place elsewhere. There are whole sites dedicated to finding lodgers! IF that is what you want?

I'd make it clear it won't happen again and either let him stay, or direct him to the various lodger sites.

I don’t see why the majority are either suggesting you either carry on shagging him, which you’ve already said you don’t want, or kick him out. Make it clear it was a one off, and NEVER get drunk with him again!

If I ask him to move out it would mess up his job and he is here to further that and transfer his skillset which is why our parents asked could I take him in so I guess it is nothing legal but it would be obvious why I asked him to leave if I did so also. Such an idiot seriously like. I am going to leave the house shortly to go to the office and he has gone back to bed (his own room this time) but we eat together in the evenings, me him and my child and to the outside world we look like a family of sorts even though it has been only a few months since he has been here. It is just a stupid bloody situation now and I am annoyed with myself for having allowed it to happen.

How is he a family friend if you've only known him since October? Regardless of what's happened between you, please consider whether it's sensible to have someone you barely know living in the house with your teenage daughter

Um,
WAS HE GOOD??

@123ZYX our parents are friends, I am also not a native to teh country we live in but here over 20 years.

@HornyHornersPinger not really of any concern be it good, bad or indifferent. It happened which is the main concern. I dont need to go into detail further than that.

"last night was a one off"

There you go.
End of conversation.

I'll go further.

If you're grown up enough to shag each others you should be grown up enough to have a conversation about it after.

Agree with others you need to be super clear it will never happen again and never drink with him again. He might smirk a bit or try it on (which is why you feel awkward right now as you can forsee this happening) but stick to your guns and reiterate that it was a one off and if he can't accept that it might be better for him to move.

So he’s now at home in his room? Don’t leave it, go and knock on his door and and say well last night was very pleasant but It’s not going to happen again. If he can’t accept that then I’m afraid you’ll have to ask him to leave.

Well that sounds a little salacious for a Sunday night, who's drinking waaaaaaay too much on a Sunday! Sorry, missing the point

Don't drink as much. Have the conversation that it was one of those things but it's not going to happen again because you don't want to have to chuck him out. Hopefully he values his 'home' more than a drunken shag.

Yeah he is back home now. His job is fairly niche where we are so he just had to go in for two hours this morning then he is home for a few hours and back there around lunchtime. I dont want to chat to him currently, I am being totally avoidant I know but I just dont know what to say when we were both as complicit as each other.

I am never drinking again let alone with him I can assure everyone! We have drank together before and this has not even been considered - well, not that I knew of from him. I could kick myself truly I could.

My mate did exactly this. Except she got pregnant too. Ten years later, still great mates, co parent with lots of laughs, and probably love each other a lot in their own way. They've both got other partners and kids now, and obviously are no longer flat mates. It doesn't have to be a bad thing at all.

Absolutely. I'd be scared.
Did your teenager want to share meal with this stranger?
Lodgers have no rights, I'm sure he can find dwelling elsewhere.