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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Slept with the lodger - what the hell now?

439 replies

Idiotcentral · 20/01/2025 10:04

Moved a man into my spare room a few months back. He is a family friend although I had not met him till last Oct. He is 10 years my junior, very likeable, we get along really well. As friends. Or so I thought till last night after waaaaaaaaaay too many drinks he pretty much kissed me and I did not object, we ended up in bed together. I am a single parent to a child who is thankfully in school today and no wiser as to what happened. It has not been awkward but it is NOT going to be a relationship. I do not want one and especially not with him however his lease agreement is in place and as he is not from the same country as I am and knows nobody else here he wont be looking to move out. He made a quip this morning before going to work about us being 'friends with benefits' but I have never done that before and not comfortable with that arrangement anyway especially with my teenaged child here but what do I do? Obviously discussing it with him is the right thing but we are both single, clearly attracted to each other and really do get along so well but shit we have now had sex. I dont know what to do from here. Bloody stupidity. Actually really annoyed with myself this morning.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 06/02/2025 15:52

That’s so lovely. I hope your ds is pleased and that you stay together for the long haul.

squishee · 08/02/2025 05:57

Oh I love this OP! Thanks for the happy update 😀

justworking · 09/02/2025 20:42

Idiotcentral · 06/02/2025 13:22

No real updates really. All is the same as it always was at home, still have not told my son we are actually together as yet but we are planning to do so soon. We are not openly amorous with each other unless my son is out of sight but the pets have seen more than they need to for sure 😂Only us for dinner last night and it was no different to if my son was there. To be honest we are already really good friends and now the initial 'omg we saw each other naked' awkwardness has worn off its basically friends when anyone is around and lovers when they are not. Watching a movie in the evenings just curled up together when we are alone, that kind of thing and we are going on our first 'date' this evening which amuses both of us greatly as of course we have lived together first, then had sex and only now going on our first date 😂

Fabulous! Enjoy the secrecy while it lasts, it's quite exciting!

Idiotcentral · 12/02/2025 08:43

Secrecy no more - well inside the house at least. Son is thrilled. We are not moving into one bedroom for the time being and still have separate lives away from each other but I had the overwhelming surge of absolutel adoration and love yesterday for this man. We were texting back and forth when we were both in work and for the first time I just could not wait to get home and see his face. His gorgeous face might I add. He is the most wonderful person. I am very lucky to have him in my life. Fate maybe? He seems to think so at least.

OP posts:
Guttedandblue · 12/02/2025 08:45

😀😀❤️❤️

crockofshite · 12/02/2025 08:50

Thrilled to see your update.

DisforDarkChocolate · 12/02/2025 10:36

You've got me all teary @Idiotcentral. I was listening to Sunshine on Leith this morning so it wasn't ever going to take much.

Umidontknow · 12/02/2025 10:44

I love your updates and I'm genuinely so happy that you stopped thinking you weren't able to be with someone and let him in 🤗 and brilliant your son is happy about it all!

sparkleghost · 12/02/2025 10:58

So happy for you OP. I’ve been reading since the start of your thread and was hoping you’d get together, you sound like such a lovely couple. Wishing you all the happiness in the world 🥰

Idiotcentral · 12/02/2025 11:24

It is still early days and I still may put a pillow over his face in his sleep but that might be because I am peri and he is... well, more in tune with his emotions than most men where I am more man like when it comes to my emotions and am not one for showing them really but we shall see how it goes. Still do not want to tell friends or family though just in case we do decide it wont work out however I would be sure they suspect something already. We are trying not to be around other people that know us as it would be obscenely obvious to anyone else that we are not just friends at this point. he is amazing, do not get me wrong but he is still a human. A male one. They have the capacity to make us want to commit many a felony by just breathing sometimes. Or maybe that is just me!

OP posts:
Emmylou22 · 12/02/2025 13:35

What an update! Love this. Enjoy it ❤️

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/02/2025 03:38

I’m so glad to your ds is thrilled. Enjoy, that sounds amazing. ❤️

YRGAM · 04/03/2025 11:19

How's it going OP? I hope he's not getting on your nerves too much

Idiotcentral · 05/03/2025 08:54

Hello and thanks for asking. Things have not changed, still very much the same as they have been. Still learning a lot about each other and how best to navigate things while giving each other space to also live our own lives. We are both very busy with work currently and both have other hobbies also which is good so when we do get time we make sure we prioritise each other. Nothing really else to add although our holiday is very soon so it will be nice to get away and see how we get on in another place all together. Sorry nothing more exciting to add.

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