Women who think it is ever ok to date/meet/chase/text/more a married man are indeed slappers??

[macdoodle]

I have been criticised on a number of occasions for calling the OW a slapper but recent comments on MN have led me to believe that this is true...am I wrong??

If they know the chap is married and has kids, they're not slappers, they're low lives.

i had an affair with a 43-year-old married man who had grown kids when i was 19 and i was an idiot and a low life for doing that.

i was later on a slapper as in i slept around, but not with anyone i knew to be married/with someone and had kids.

i mean, aren't there enough men in the world to not have to go there?

don't you have enough self-respect to walk away from guys like that?

being a dumb teen was as good an excuse i can come up with for behaving like a low life, which is pretty inexcusable.

I believe a slapper is someone who is... promiscuous, sleeps about, finds nothing wrong in doing so. Not a woman who lets herself get emotionally involved with someone other than their partner, which seems to be the case on here lately.

expat you have explained your past a number of times - I have utmost respect for your insight and remorse you seem like a totally decent person - it is those that seem to see no wrong in it AT ALL - chuckle about it and even slag off the W (whose side they clearly have not heard)....I mean FGS the men are clearly dicks but WTF are these women thinking???

but the man, who does know he is married, is the one to blame.

[though my own H, who has recently left, maintains that he wanted to end our relationship BEFORE he had an affair (he says no one in the picture - more theoretically) and tbh I am completely floored by it - and feel it would be easier to comprehend if there were someone else]

You are not wrong MacD - women who sleep with married men (or chase/text etc) are indeed slappers and I too include myself in that category, Expat Although also claim youth as (not much) of an excuse.

Have noticed that the slappers/low-lifes that act in such a way do not have any self-respect, and are generally unlikely to find a "free" man. Simply easier to take someone elses. GRRRRRR

'but the man, who does know he is married, is the one to blame.'

no, they BOTH are. if she knew his situation beforehand and has so little self-respect and self-control she can't say, 'i'm not worth this shit. if you're not happy, move on and maybe we'll hook up later,' or just 'no', then they're both to blame.

and if you're not happy with someone, have the decency to split up before you shag someone else.

people who don't see wrong in chasing or shagging married people - there are some people who actually seem to find it funny or entertaining or just, 'well, he/she fell in love with me' aren't slappers.

they're low lives.

Do you believe him squirrel > Seriously

I take consolation in the fact though, that if a married man cheated on his wife to sleep with a slapper, then how the hell could said slapper EVER expect fidelity? She would always be wondering....

OK we all know the men are arses there is never any debate about that...I want to discuss the womans role in an affair with a married man - why don't they just walk away - no kids no history no house etc etc ...why fuck with the lives of another woman and children why!!!
I would like to say that i personally have been involved twice with men in relationships - a one night stand with a married man I was absolutely mortified in the morning and ran ran ran as fast as I could and ignored him forevere more, the second was a relationship for a few weeks and I feel hard and fast for him (I didn't know he had a girlfriend) when I found out I was heartbroken, apologised to her (she confronted me) called him some choice names and ignored his calls )and sobbed myself to sleep for many months) - so I know how it feels but I walked away - if he really wanted me he would have left her (I cetrainly was not going to humiliate myself by chasing him).....so I just don't get the behaviour and then being proud of it

yes, the 'i was unhappy before i shagged around on you'.

then grow a pair and walk out and maybe i'd have a shred of respect for you.

but otherwise? nah.

i was there, too.

my relationship had broken down and i started to grow close to someone i knew.

called a 'talk' one night. most painful one of my life.

told ex h point blank, 'i am starting to think about having sex with other men (we'd been having problems because of an impasse we'd reached about having kids) and i don't know what to do, but i'd rather split than do that.'

so we went to counselling and decides to split.

two years later, we divorced.

and man, it HURT. the moving out, the finding a new place, selling our home, etc.

but ex H is a nice man. he still is (we're still pals and he's also happily remarried and childfree). he didn't deserve someone doing that to him.

i went out with a man who was truly separated. i even made him show me the papers and stayed at his house often enough.

he later got back together with his estranged wife.

i found out inadvertently from his best friend about 3 weeks later and chucked him.

should have told her he was fucking me, but at that point i just wanted to jack in my whole life there as a bunch of other stuff was going wrong.

do I believe him? I truely don't know, I think I do - but then I didn't believe that he would ever do something like this either.
TBH though it is irrelevant though - he no longer wants me, for whatever reason - the fact, not the reason, is the pertinent matter.

Macdoodle - can you please point me in the direction of the recent comments to which you refer. I would be interested to see them..

My position as such a 'slapper' on here is known - but I have only met others here in similar situations who have felt nothing but regret and unhappiness - and who are almost all in existing relationships with decent wonderful men.

Mixformax - I think lack of self-esteem may be a genuine reason that this happens - I'm sure that none of the SlagAnon sisters would say what they fell into happened simply because it was 'easy'. But at the same time low self-esteem is not an excuse for such behaviour and I am not seeking to justify such( I have to add quickly before that old line of debate gets pursued again).

Expat, separated man sounds like a right tosser for keeping him optiosn open with you and estranged wife, but you did good not to tell her anything, She'll have enough to deal with anyway

Squirrel, you can never guess whats going on in his head, cos he probably doesn't know anyway, so don't beat yourself up trying.

Actually though squirrels you are wrong - if there is some flippy dippy smoothing his ego giving him the time and energy that you don't have becaue you run his house/look after his kids etc etc...slagging you off listening to his sob stories - then the grass looks greener - my H thought he didn't love/want me - when he realised that his stupid tart wasn't a tenth of the person I was and that she wanted more than a fuck - he tried to get away (but she was demented stalker)he realised he did still love me and want me - too fucking late though ..anyway sorry what I mean is there are others on this site whose H's have realised what they are losing when they manage to escape the clutches of the OW...good luck there are those of us who have come out the other side both ways

Well said Dittany!

( I didn't dare!)

Did I mention any names or threads ....purposefully kept this theoretical because I am genuinely interested why any one would be remotely proud of arranging to meet a married man - I personally am mortified by my dallies with attached men (also in my misspent youth) and both times ran away as fast as I could to avoid damaging anyone else

my pal and i got so weary of being lied to on the dating scene, we starting asking guys to show us their papers if they said they were divorced or separated.

but tbh, there really are women out there who think it's fun or some kind of conquest or 'i can have any man i want' to get in bed with someone who's married.

men, too.

You can only be chased if you want to be - so what if he moves onto another woman (we are all agreed the men are arses)...just wonder what drives someone into responding to being chased by a married man??

Maybe I misunderstood your op. i thought you meant that somewhere ther were women here actually proud of their behaviour. In my crusade to 'save' them, I wanted to know if I'd missed anyone

apols if this wasn't what you were referring to.

In my case I am sure H did his fair share of chasing - but on one memorable night when he was desperately trying to prove to me he wanted me back - he sat with me and showed me every text and voicemail she sent - shall we just say there were a LOT ....soooo she was chasing a married man no??? Just wonder why???

That's a good question. Would the attraction to him be the same if he was single??

I think I will put this one to the sisterhood...