He’s got someone else hasn’t he?

[Imustbestupid]

So, my partner of 10 years today suddenly said he had to drive an hour away to meet someone for business. I can’t explain why but I felt a bit off about it. Just his manner somehow. He has, in the past, messaged another woman but I know it went no further. Just flirty comments on his behalf. I saw them all and she shut him down. Anyway, he swore it was over and that was it. This was over a year ago. I tried to get over it but I have to confess I never forgot and never really did get past it. Today, he was gone for five hours. Claimed he has been shopping as well as the business meeting but no shopping to show for it. His phone bleeped and it was a message from a woman on WhatsApp. He literally has no women friends. He has been unusually attentive since getting home. I am going to check his WhatsApp when he is asleep later. Just need a handhold for what I think I will find. Thank you

Sending you a virtual hand hold, if you do find anything. I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening. Your gut feeling is probably just as reliable as anything you can find, especially if you say he has spoken to other women in the past. Who knows, he may have deleted all traces of any messages.

You'll know deep down if he is lying. Stay strong

I’ve been there two years ago now. What ever you do do not confront him first. I regret doing that. Look at the msgs to not be gaslight and potentially stucK in a situation of never knowing.

look at notification history too. Do a quick YouTube on this so you’ll see msgs he has deleted or turn it on so you can see what gets deleted.

@thiscantbemylife don’t worry I’m not going to confront. Calm and controlled. He has no idea I suspect him and that’s how it will stay until I know exactly what is going on. Thanks for your message

Make sure to take pics of the messages so he doesn't try to delete and deny in the future

Hope your ok

Hope you are ok x

Take pics of any messages or he will deny you saw anything.. Make tentative plans if things go sour quickly..

So many of us have been there. Heart goes out to you x

Sorry OP. Be prepared to find it's all been deleted. My H's phone was totally clean during his affair (I didn't look but he offered it out to me several times when I was suspicious but no evidence, and he subsequently confirmed that he deleted everything as soon as it came in, and most of the messages were on work computer anyway.

Still waiting for ‘us’ to go to sleep. I really don’t want to end up a bitter disillusioned old woman (am 51) but every relationship (bar one) I’ve been in has ended up with him cheating. With this one, we were even trying for children from 8 years ago. I really despair of finding a good guy. Are there any out there?

I'm sorry op. Hoping there's an explaination.

Yes there ARE better men out there - 100%. But truly, you are better on your own than with a man like this. I've started to think i actually am happiest on my own Xx

It’s horrible but at what point are you going to leave him? This is no way to live.

Good luck I hope it isn’t what you think it is

He’ll be leaving me if he’s been seeing someone else. My house!

Ugh that’s awful.
hope it goes well OP.

Good luck OP. 💐

To be honest, even if you find nothing, is this what you want for your life? He doesn't sound trustworthy, and there are better men (or a better life being single) out here.

Sorry but I got the last good un op....

Get rid of the cocklodger

I am so glad you are not married and it is your house.

Me too!

@Imustbestupid even if you don’t find concrete proof, it doesn’t sound like you trust him (understandably given his past behaviour). In reality doesn’t that mean this relationship is over regardless? You’ll always be uncertain and wary of him and that’s no way to live.

Oh OP, sorry that is a terrible situation to be in. I am also glad that you own your house and aren’t married.

just a side note if you’re going to go looking (I probably would as well) to check archived chats. If he doesn’t want to delete messages just hide them from his main list they can be put there!

Hand hold from over here x

Presumable he’ll have deleted it though? Good luck anyway.