Anyone else have no friends?

[Lostworlds]

I’m in my early 30’s and have absolutely no friends. I don’t really know how it happened as I used to have friends but everyone drifted away from me. I put in a lot of effort and still people aren’t interested.
I had 2 close friends but turns out they weren’t my friends at all.

I’ve tried meeting people at baby and toddler groups, I’ve suggested meeting up with people I’m friendly with at work. I’ve gone out with my dh’s friends partners but nothing sticks. I’m on mat leave which means I’m at home a lot more than I’d like to be so I take the kids out a lot and do things otherwise I spend the day alone with my kids which is great but I don’t hear from any adults at all. No one ever makes the effort to contact me.

Sounds so pathetic and I have no idea what I’m asking here other than is anyone else like me?

Why are you making this about me ? That’s very odd and unnecessary when I’m only responding to the OP.

I'm not completely "unfriendless" but don't have close friends. I have 2-3 old friends from work (who I no longer work with) but see for lunch every 6 months or so. Also two other friends, one whom I see more than the other, the latter being every 6 months plus.

I have joined voluntary groups and met lots of people. I had to really put myself out there, arranging coffee, lunch, drinks out when I could. However, realised it was always me doing the asking. Maybe these new "friends" didn't need me as a friend and already had their own friends who were more important. So I got tired of doing the asking, and no one has contacted me to suggest meeting up and nothing has happened since. I'm friends with them on social media but looks like nothing more than that.

I'm relatively new to this site, are there any social meet ups on here, or not? It would be good if there was.

I have no friends. I’ve moved around the country a lot and sort of ran out of friends. I have ADHD and I’m shit at keeping up with people. I had one remaining friend, my old school BFF but she moved to Asia and then became weirdly needy (sending 40min voice notes daily etc) and I had to break up with her for the sake of my mental health.

I do feel a bit sad not to have anyone to share things with but I have DH plus my family all live nearby, and I’m close to them eg my brother, sister-in-law, cousins, parents, aunt, uncle etc.

I am happier without friends as I find the pressure to keep friendships afloat really stressful. I also have anxiety 🙃

I had a huge social circle and life from childhood up until I was late twenties when it started to fall off a cliff.

I've been watching a lot of TV sitcoms lately, why is there always a girl group or best friends amongst the characters!? I know it's not real but my life has never been like that!

Joined some Apps that people talk about too, but nothing came of making friends there. I guess I'm "lucky" in that I have a handful of friends, albeit not close, but only one of them are friends as much to get me a birthday present/card (or even knows when my birthday is, for that matter).

Yes, but my question was more why she thinks it it’s important in the context of having friends, or not having friends. I don’t agree that grooming or fashionability has any bearing on friendships, outside of extreme unkemptness that might suggest very poor MH.

Me 👋

I feel you OP. I had my children quite young in comparison to most of my friends so they weren't interested in keeping in touch. Struggled to make friends via the kids schools and worked full time. Work 'friends' died off when I changed my job recently and now work from home 90% of the time.

Where abouts in Glasgow are you? I'm also in Glasgow with 2 young kids. Pm me if you would like. I'm always happy to meet at a softplay etc to get the kids out the house.

It's a hard stage of life when the kids are young and friendships do tend to take a back seat over work, children, life admin and everything else we have to juggle.

You need to keep putting yourself out there and try not to take it too personal if others can't commit to the levels of contact you would like (if that makes sense).

I find it's easier for me to have lots of acquaintances rather than deep friendships at the moment. That way I get out and about and have some fun with people whenever I get the chance, and there's no pressure from any of us to constantly maintain these relationships to a level that just isn't possible.
Especially when we are all up to your elbows trying to raise the children while juggling work etc. Is this something that would maybe work better for you at this stage of your life?

@Kibble29 I'm hoping it will! I agree and I'll be brave and go first: Celtic 🍀

That’s the right answer 😍💚

@Kibble29 yessssss😍

Interesting you say that.

I lived in west end for a number of years and I think Glasgow’s friendly reputation is BS ( talking as a Glaswegian)

you are right - it’s very cliquey. Not just Glasgow but the whole surrounding area. I think because lots of people go to uni locally and it’s quite common for people to be friends with school friends. It’s great in some ways, but I think there’s less room for new friendships.

I’ve spent most my adult life in London and abroad. I’ve found making new friends in Glasgow harder than anywhere else I’ve been.

even thinking now- the majority of my friends from my time in Glasgow are either old school friends or their friends. Made a few new ones myself too- but all English!

I have joined voluntary groups and met lots of people. I had to really put myself out there, arranging coffee, lunch, drinks out when I could. However, realised it was always me doing the asking. Maybe these new "friends" didn't need me as a friend and already had their own friends who were more important. So I got tired of doing the asking, and no one has contacted me to suggest meeting up and nothing has happened since. I'm friends with them on social media but looks like nothing more than that.

@Solaire18381 I think that's at least half the problem - a lot of (lucky) people don't need any more friends, which is why I found WI so helpful, I met lots of other people who wanted to meet other people.

It's funny you should say that, I agree. Scotland/Glasgow's friendly reputation is not quite as it's often described. I've lived in Glasgow my whole life and it's friendly on some level but not in that deeper making real friends level and you could be right about why. My more recent friends are all English and spread far and wide based in England so while they're all great, it's not as easy to just go for a coffee etc.

@Thursdaygirl what kind of activities do you do at WI? I have emailed them and am waiting for the local rep to contact me. Their website says they do things like cream teas and willow weaving, which I'm not sure is my bag 🤔

@SharpWriter we're a young-ish WI, and in addition to our monthly meetings, we do spa days, cream teas (sorry!), community projects, trips to local places of interest etc but the biggest benefit has been meeting other women who want to expand their social groups. Several spin off groups have formed, due to various interests, and I've now got a really nice group of local friends.

Lots of members freely admit they joined WI as they don't know many people.

Sounds good - thanks for the info. I do find with hobbies/activities that people are just there to do the activity and aren't interested in making new friends, so this kind of thing does help, especially when it's very local as you say.

Hahaha I don't follow football at all so I don't mind what team folk support 😉

I had offered to set up a group chat but got no takers, maybe folk would prefer the OP to do it?

I hope everyone's week is off to a good start, I went back to work today after 2 weeks off and I could've seen it far enough 😭

@doglover84 I'm happy to be part of a whatsapp group if we have more interested it could be good. I did message you but maybe I've not done it right. Can you tell I'm brilliant at IT. Also don't follow football. Work has been surprisingly ok after 2 weeks off, here's hoping it continues 🤞

@AnEnglishCircedee i would like to be your friend. You sound like me.

@Doglover84 I'm happy to join if either you or OP set it up

That’s not such a bad idea! They have groups for younger women. My mum was in the WI for years ( admittedly after she retired) she had a brilliant time, loads of laughs and made lots of friends.

Same as @ImNearlyNormal and @purplespink , I’m up for it.

Anyone friendless in south wales or didcot, england area feel free to pm me.

From friendless loner

I was feeling quite down about this the other day. I always find this time of year really isolating as I have so few local connections and no partner or family.

I only had one proper friend growing up but then she moved away. Everyone else had their own best friend or group of friends and weren't interested in making new ones. In primary school I dreaded breaks as I was literally the only kid on their own in the playground. I tried being friendly with others from the periphery but the Queen Bee told me I was being clingy and from then on I was bullied. I completely shut myself off from other people after that.

In my early 20s I had lots of 'going out' friends and a pretty full-on social life, but then I got ill and couldn't go out drinking anymore. All but one drifted.

I made a couple of close friends in my late 20s but one ghosted me, and the other I phased out because she had become very negative and only seemed to want to talk about conspiracy theories, and because I was fed up of her messing me about.

Since then I've got friendly with quite a few people but nothing sticks. People seem to want to be my friend and are enthusiastic about chatting and meeting, but then disappear. In hindsight it was obvious that some of these people were using me as a shoulder to cry on and I'd outlived my usefulness, but other cases weren't clear and some really upset me.

I'm fortunate that I have a small group of friends dotted around the country. We 'met' on an online course and chat in our WA group most days. I've met one IRL which was lovely. I also have the one friend who stuck when I got ill, and we message each other a lot, but she's incredibly flaky so I've given up trying to make plans with her. I think we last met up over a year ago now.

So in terms of actually seeing people face to face, I don't really have anyone. I met somebody on a course in the summer who seems fab but I'm trying not to get too invested at this point in case she disappears too.

In dark places it feels like I'm nothing and no one, one of those people you might hear about in the news found mummified in their flat after neighbours reported a stench. I was driving home last week and started thinking about how I basically have no life, how did I get here etc. The problem is I don't really want to put myself out there again because it's too painful, and I've become cynical and mistrustful of people. I've also come to assume I must come across as really boring or weird. Luckily I do ok in my own company for the most part but it does cause problems on a practical level, like not having anyone to put as a NoK and feeling like a saddo having to ask a vague acquaintance to pick me up from the hospital after a GA.

There’s a group called dull women ‘s club (not that I’m saying any of us are dull 🤣) on face book ( a public and a private one ) which is nice. it’s usually friendly and fun if anyone is interested.