Anyone else have no friends?

[Lostworlds]

I’m in my early 30’s and have absolutely no friends. I don’t really know how it happened as I used to have friends but everyone drifted away from me. I put in a lot of effort and still people aren’t interested.
I had 2 close friends but turns out they weren’t my friends at all.

I’ve tried meeting people at baby and toddler groups, I’ve suggested meeting up with people I’m friendly with at work. I’ve gone out with my dh’s friends partners but nothing sticks. I’m on mat leave which means I’m at home a lot more than I’d like to be so I take the kids out a lot and do things otherwise I spend the day alone with my kids which is great but I don’t hear from any adults at all. No one ever makes the effort to contact me.

Sounds so pathetic and I have no idea what I’m asking here other than is anyone else like me?

I was the same at your stage of life, and am still friendless now! My friends were always who I was at school/work with at the time, so when I moved on I lost them. When i had my first child I thought I’d make friends at antenatal/toddler groups, but in reality those women went back to work while I was a SAHM, so the adults at toddler groups were grandparents and child minders. Eventually I was so lonely that I went back to work.
But now I’m in my 50’s and I have no friends, just work colleagues. I’ll have no one when I retire.

Me too. In my 20s I worked with many singletons with loads of time and extra cash for nights out. How life changes with kids? I've now relocated a number of times, kids in secondary and I'm self employed. So I have zero friends. What doesn't happen that I thought would is making mum friends via school. I met a number of older ladies through yoga but I've gone off that recently. I do have a neighbour I see for coffee once every month or two as she works ft. Other than my immediate family, I have no one to talk to! In recent years, I realised I really don't need much outside friendship, I'm a committed introvert 😊. However, I'm not anti social and I do enjoy one on one chats. I like to get outside perspectives and engaging discussions. I'm looking at changing careers in the NY so things might change in 2025. Shamelessly following this thread for ideas 😁

The only friend I have is someone I met via the BFF feature on Bumble. All my previous friends disappeared when I stopped being useful to them. I think it's harder to make friends the older you get; people's friendship groups are often set in stone and they aren't open to forming new ones.

Where do you live. I’m in Manchester and up for coffee/supper club/walks . I’m 45, don’t drink so no use for nights out but up for wholesome activities 🥰🥰🥰

Yeah, i've been feeling the same recently. Never been hugely sociable, but i used to have a small friends network. Now they've all got partnered up, moved away ect, i've been feeling very left alone. I'm divorced, stuck now in a village i wouldn't choose to live in because the kids are still in school, and i feel stuck. I think it's a bit worse when you're a single co-parent.

How did life get to this?!

How did life get to this?!

It just happens gradually and you tend not to notice til it’s happened?

What exactly is a friend , I had many work colleagues who I considered friends, a few who I could genuinely discuss anything with, but seldom met any of them outside of work and since finishing have had no real contact at all, one friend since school days who I now see just a couple of times a year and a few on Facebook but no actual contact,other than that just family, I’ve found the older you get, the more you drift away from people you would have described as friends, jobs, lifestyles, kids all impacted on seeing them

Where are you based @Lostworlds ?

I cqn definitely resonate with the pathetic comment. I feel 'it must be easy to make friends', 'what's wrong with me'!? and then feel stupid because i feel lonely. :/

I've got a few mates but no one I see to socialise regularly. I've definitely gone through stages where I didn't really have any friends. I think it's more common than people realise. I have never been great at making friends so the ones I have are people I've known for decades. I have made some new friends over the last few years but it's hard to prioritise those when I'm always busy so they are not close friendships. I've also been used by someone I thought was a mate so I'm wary.
I'm on the Peanut app and I've spoken to a few people. The last one I didn't really have anything in common with and she asking me to go and walk round a park with her and her toddler and to be honest I couldn't be bothered.

Yep! Same here. 34 and no friends. Few work colleagues I have lunch with. But no one to confide in, or make weekend plans with.

If any of you are based near York, I'll be a friend 😀

I am in London and very much feel the same way- my so-called friends stopped contacting me once I was no longer useful to them. I am trying to do more sports based activities but that might be more difficult in your case. Most of my friends met other ladies at toddler/baby classes and have a much more extensive social network through their kids sports/school etc so probably worth persevering with those avenues.

Feel the same. As above, I work with a couple of people I would class as friends but in terms of I can message them anytime but don't really do anything outside of work. I've just had 3 weeks off and the only people I've seen are family.
I dont know if its a natural thing when people settle down. I'm recently single, and I never really noticed before.

I get it. I had a close group of friends from school that met regularly but when my relationship broke down rather than support me they all just distanced themselves from me. Literally nothing changed other than my partner leaving me but it was like they didnt want to be associated with someone single. It really was awful and made me feel like absolute crap as I had no-one other than family. They now constantly post online about nights out they have as a 3 and seeing that hurts. I really should unfriend them to be honest.

I've pm you if you don't mind.
I'm also Manchester based, 47 and really feel entirely friendless.
I've had a lot of changes in my life over the last few years and as a result I feel I've changed as a person. I think a consequence of this has been some friendships that I have had have disappeared. And it's not like I had lots to start with.
I do feel very alone though. I'm lucky to have a lovely partner but I miss female company and having someone to meet up or plan things with.

I'm 27 and I've always struggled to make friends. I would say I only have 1 close friend, but I'm partly to blame for that. I've had 2 work colleagues invite me out or invite me over to their house but I've always been too shy to follow up on it. However, I think this is the year I actually start opening myself up and initiate plans with others. It's not always easy as an introvert but I don't want to feel lonely forever! I should add I have great family, a partner, daughter etc, but I still would love a few close friends I can confide in. Even 2 or 3 is enough for me!

I’m in the same situation - and it’s made even harder as I can’t work due to my disabilities/medical conditions (so no work colleagues or even work interaction) and the only extended family I have are either 1000s of kms away (1 sibling + family) or just not interested enough bother with any contact (other sibling). I’m a solo parent to a school aged child, and can go days without speaking to another adult.

Yup Same here no friends at all. Used to have quite a few but they all drifted away during Covid.

It’s horrible that so many of you feel the same way as me! But also slightly reassuring that I’m not totally alone in the way that I feel.

I live in Glasgow so those kind people who offered to meet up, I’m too far away.

It can be so lonely when you realise you can spend a full day without talking to another adult, even just a casual chat about life, nothing exciting. I have a very hands on dh who works very long hours. I feel guilty how much I unload onto him when he comes home but it’s like I’ve held onto any chat I’ve had all day and he’s the only one I can release it onto.

Very much what I’m going through and it’s stupid but it reminds me of break up pain seeing them post online and I’ve purposefully been excluded.

What kinds of people do you like, OP? Who do you find interesting? What do you like doing? What do you bring to potential friendships?

I always find a similar note in posts on here from people saying they have no friends — they seem to act as if other people are an undifferentiated mass, rather than individuals with very different lives, priorities and things they might look for in potential friendships.

MN should have a whatsapp group.

Absolutely. It just brings back all those emotions of not feeling good enough and not understanding what the hell you've done wrong. I totally get it. Hugs x

I hope I bring quite a lot to friendships and have had lots of different types of friends.
I’d say I’m easy going, a good listener, funny and always there for friends in need.
I have 2 children so fully understand that everyone has different priorities in life so have tried to be friends with people I’ve met from baby classes and mum groups, knowing that we all have children and plans change last minute. Sadly for me friends have drifted apart, a few friends dropped me when I had my first child, even though I was late twenties. I’ve been excluded from group chats that I originally created and friends that I’ve brought together have moved on without me. Everyone’s entitled to be friends with whoever they want and I’m happy for people to move on if that’s how they feel but I do still feel lonely.

Maybe this is when we are supposed to join the WI 🤔