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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Anyone else have no friends?

233 replies

Lostworlds · 04/01/2025 08:52

I’m in my early 30’s and have absolutely no friends. I don’t really know how it happened as I used to have friends but everyone drifted away from me. I put in a lot of effort and still people aren’t interested.
I had 2 close friends but turns out they weren’t my friends at all.

I’ve tried meeting people at baby and toddler groups, I’ve suggested meeting up with people I’m friendly with at work. I’ve gone out with my dh’s friends partners but nothing sticks. I’m on mat leave which means I’m at home a lot more than I’d like to be so I take the kids out a lot and do things otherwise I spend the day alone with my kids which is great but I don’t hear from any adults at all. No one ever makes the effort to contact me.

Sounds so pathetic and I have no idea what I’m asking here other than is anyone else like me?

OP posts:
BlackSheepThisYear · 05/01/2025 08:43

DustyLee123 · 04/01/2025 11:45

Maybe this is when we are supposed to join the WI 🤔

Don't knock it. I'm in the WI and joined quite young. We're a real mix of ages but it's honestly been the best thing I could have done.

DustyLee123 · 05/01/2025 08:44

BlackSheepThisYear · 05/01/2025 08:43

Don't knock it. I'm in the WI and joined quite young. We're a real mix of ages but it's honestly been the best thing I could have done.

I’m not knocking it, it was a serious suggestion.

BlackSheepThisYear · 05/01/2025 08:54

Apologies - the little emoticon made me think otherwise. You sometimes have to try a few WIs to find the one for you but they tend to allow visitors for a few sessions before you decide to join so you can try them out.

winersrollingin · 05/01/2025 08:55

I can so relate to this. I just need to be more proactive and make more effort with people

AnonAnonmystery · 05/01/2025 09:07

BlackSheepThisYear · 05/01/2025 08:54

Apologies - the little emoticon made me think otherwise. You sometimes have to try a few WIs to find the one for you but they tend to allow visitors for a few sessions before you decide to join so you can try them out.

Thanks for this suggestion, it’s something to keep in mind as there is one local to me. I just don’t know how I’d find time with kids / work and I wouii look sun go to it fell on nights I have my children. I know when I had my community group the WI collected and donated for my project - they were indeed a diverse mix of women of all ages, thank you for this suggestion.

Mylazycatspyjamas · 05/01/2025 09:22

I’m in Edinburgh so not that far from Glasgow.

lightsuns · 05/01/2025 09:44

Just to chip in that your friends don't need to live in your town or city. I'm lucky to have 3 amazing friends who I speak to weekly/sometimes daily! We don't live that far apart but now only meet up 3 or 4 times a year. They/we are a constant source of entertainment and support. Admittedly we met in our twenties and did all the friends stuff like holidays and partying then, but now, apart from the birthday meet ups I rarely see them.
Why don't some of you talking about meeting up have a call? x

AnEnglishCircedee · 05/01/2025 10:07

Lostworlds · 04/01/2025 08:52

I’m in my early 30’s and have absolutely no friends. I don’t really know how it happened as I used to have friends but everyone drifted away from me. I put in a lot of effort and still people aren’t interested.
I had 2 close friends but turns out they weren’t my friends at all.

I’ve tried meeting people at baby and toddler groups, I’ve suggested meeting up with people I’m friendly with at work. I’ve gone out with my dh’s friends partners but nothing sticks. I’m on mat leave which means I’m at home a lot more than I’d like to be so I take the kids out a lot and do things otherwise I spend the day alone with my kids which is great but I don’t hear from any adults at all. No one ever makes the effort to contact me.

Sounds so pathetic and I have no idea what I’m asking here other than is anyone else like me?

I am the same . 53 now . Wfh since 2020 so no work colleagues to lunch with either . Joined an over 30’s gym was fun and still found it hard to make the one friend as most came as friends but I see others becoming new friends and a group they do chat to me but I do wonder why I am on the outside of it . Anyway that stopped at Covid too . Have children grown up now but where I live everyone seems to have a sister or mum or school friend . I never receive messages or phone calls or birthday cards or presents or invites . No one comes round . I do everything with my husband . I do chat . I shop wear up to date clothes and have my hair and nails done . Look after my health . Eat clean . Keep a nice home which no one but me ever sees. . Just have no friends or bf . It’s crazy because at school and first job in early 20’s I was out all the time with a group of girls. You are not on your own . I’ve become to think friends is a myth.

TheAverageJoanne · 05/01/2025 10:15

This has made me think about my friends. These are the ones I see and/or speak with regularly and confide in and trust as well as do social things with.

One from school
Two from late teenage years
One who was married to my cousin
One former work colleague
Five I met at university three of whom now live locally
One former next door neighbour but moved away
Three from a church group from teenage years
One I met as friend of one of the above
Two exes, one in another hemisphere though
My cousin (local) and her husband

And lots of new people from book club and crafts etc but that's low key.

I don't know how I've managed to keep and maintain these but I have. I'm good at working out transactional friendships and not prioritising people who don't do the same for me.

I often do lots of stuff by myself as well. I've just realised how fortunate I am seeing this written down.

AQuickDeathInTexas · 05/01/2025 11:41

I don't have any friends and I think there's something about me that puts people off but I'm not sure what it is. I've tried joining hobby clubs, got a dog etc but it hasn't led to anything.

Debtfreeme · 05/01/2025 11:46

A central meeting could work or north and south one ❤️

H112 · 05/01/2025 11:47

purpleme12 · 05/01/2025 02:23

A tiktok retreat?!

Tiktok retreat. It's a girls job. She organised accommodation and activities like surfing for three days. Made great friends. Look up your own area for one!

Quinto · 05/01/2025 11:55

AnEnglishCircedee · 05/01/2025 10:07

I am the same . 53 now . Wfh since 2020 so no work colleagues to lunch with either . Joined an over 30’s gym was fun and still found it hard to make the one friend as most came as friends but I see others becoming new friends and a group they do chat to me but I do wonder why I am on the outside of it . Anyway that stopped at Covid too . Have children grown up now but where I live everyone seems to have a sister or mum or school friend . I never receive messages or phone calls or birthday cards or presents or invites . No one comes round . I do everything with my husband . I do chat . I shop wear up to date clothes and have my hair and nails done . Look after my health . Eat clean . Keep a nice home which no one but me ever sees. . Just have no friends or bf . It’s crazy because at school and first job in early 20’s I was out all the time with a group of girls. You are not on your own . I’ve become to think friends is a myth.

I’m sorry you’re so lonely, but I do think that like many people in your position, you’re focusing on the wrong things — why would a potential friend care whether or not you look after your health or keep your house clean, or whether you get your nails done? Are those the things that would concern you when making a friend? What do you want in a friend, and what do you bring to friendships aside from hair and nails and tidiness?

Pyjamatimenow · 05/01/2025 12:12

I struggle with this as well. Moved to a different area to be with my husband. Work from home so no friends there. Haven’t made friends through my daughter’s school despite various efforts. I did start volunteering and met a few people through that and get a few invites to things so I have made some progress. It’s very hard though

LilyHarris · 05/01/2025 13:17

A few recommendations for you OP: Girls Who Walk Glasgow, the Book Club Scotland, Soulful Sundays and the Scottish Women's Walking Group. All on instagram/facebook and lovely ways to meet new people.

I've been in a similar boat and have found the best way to grow my circle is joining clubs (eg a running group and choir) and consistently being in the same place with the same people. That's harder if you have kids, but with the examples above you don't have to commit to attending regularly so might be more suited.

Enigma52 · 05/01/2025 15:29

Yes I'm in the same boat.
Had lots of pockets of friends when I was younger; made from school, college and different work places.

Now, in my early fifties, I have no actual " friends" but more acquaintances. I've stage 4 metastic BC and the number of people ( including colleagues) who have cancer ghosted me, is incredible'! Colleagues who used to check in with me at the beginning, whilst I was off after my hysterectomy and subsequent cancer diagnosis, no longer bother. Now, I'm dealing with yet more cancer and it feels even worse! In fact, I don't even want to look at some of them tomorrow when I return because they sicken me with their false comments. I'm not interested in their fake smiles and " did you have a nice Christmas" shit.

My priority at the moment, is to stay alive. But it would be nice to have close friend to share the crap with.

AnEnglishCircedee · 05/01/2025 16:33

Quinto · 05/01/2025 11:55

I’m sorry you’re so lonely, but I do think that like many people in your position, you’re focusing on the wrong things — why would a potential friend care whether or not you look after your health or keep your house clean, or whether you get your nails done? Are those the things that would concern you when making a friend? What do you want in a friend, and what do you bring to friendships aside from hair and nails and tidiness?

By saying I’m maintained in appearance and home was to communicate I am the stereo type behaviour and looking . I never said I was lonely and sad. I said I have no friends . Yet when I was in my 20’s I had many friends and an active social life In my 30’s I had friends from the school activities. When the children became teenagers you do less with school friends . In my 40’s I cared for my elderly father . I’m now in my 50’s and only have my husband whom is my BF , no friends no family . No need to feel sorry for me at least I have him and a clean home !
My original answer to the author was you are not on your own . When the children start school you will make play ground friends which may develop to more .

fizzyvitc · 05/01/2025 18:38

Interesting there are so many of us from Glasgow when we are supposed to be a friendly bunch!

I do have friends but they mostly live at a distance 50+ miles away, mostly people I was at university with and I only see one of them fairly regularly every few months or so, a lot less than in the past but she now has children and doesn't have the same free time. Another friendship that was more local seemed to fizzle out during covid. They have a lot on their plate with various family responsibilities and seem to prefer to socialise with people who live very close by them and the last few attempts to meet up have been cancelled by them last minute with no attempt to rearrange so I've let it go although if they did get back in touch I'd be open to reconnecting. I do hate the thought of being someone hanging on when the other person if fed up with you so I worry I don't do enough to stay in touch.

I am not really lonely as such as I have my husband and wider family (no kids) and to be honest I enjoy my own company and am always busy with various things, I even prefer to do a lot of things alone and my hobbies are kind of solitary. I don't drink and I find in my age group (40's), in this area that is a big barrier to being accepted because most people seem to be looking for drinking buddies and alcohol is often the focus for gatherings, fair enough but that's not for me. I'm more of a tea and cake woman. I also probably wouldn't just want a friend for the sake of it so it would need to be a real connection and some common ground. I also worry about getting involved with someone who wants too much of me and my time as I say I do like to be alone a lot and I have in the past ended up friends with women who seem to want to use me as an emotional dumping ground and while I would always want to support a friend it can't always be tales of misery and woe and getting upset with you if you aren't always available to listen to them vent.

I have two sister in laws who are both nice but we don't have a ton in common and again they both like a big night out with lots of drinking. One is quite self focused and will talk to me for hours but never ask me a think about myself. The other can be good company but is moody and you never really know which version of her you will get from one day to the next, she is also quite competitive and I can't be doing with all that. However we do do all broadly get on.

I sometimes feel that in Glasgow its kind of cliquey depending on the area you are from and that if you want to stay part of a social group you need to ensure you live quite close to them i.e. the west end, the south side, Denniston. That can be difficult as those area's are very expensive. Glasgow is expensive in general and even going out to meet up is costly and the city centre is kind of grim at the moment. I am sure that is also part of it, its so expensive to go out into town, to get some food, do something like a concert, parking or public transport (Glasgow's public transport is pretty bad) that I do think people tend to stick to their local area more.

Ah I don't know, but its sad that so many people do feel alone but its really quite common these days I think.

Quinto · 05/01/2025 19:41

AnEnglishCircedee · 05/01/2025 16:33

By saying I’m maintained in appearance and home was to communicate I am the stereo type behaviour and looking . I never said I was lonely and sad. I said I have no friends . Yet when I was in my 20’s I had many friends and an active social life In my 30’s I had friends from the school activities. When the children became teenagers you do less with school friends . In my 40’s I cared for my elderly father . I’m now in my 50’s and only have my husband whom is my BF , no friends no family . No need to feel sorry for me at least I have him and a clean home !
My original answer to the author was you are not on your own . When the children start school you will make play ground friends which may develop to more .

What do you mean by ‘I am the stereotype behaviour and looking’, though?

I’m sorry if I misunderstood your intention, but listing how you never receive messages or visits or phone calls or birthday cards or presents or invitations, and saying that you have neither friends nor family sounds objectively isolated, even if you are not sad about it.

fizzyvitc · 05/01/2025 20:16

@Quinto I don't know for sure but I think she is trying to say that she is groomed and looks "normal" for want of a better word. That there is nothing about her that the average person would think oh she is a bit of an odd ball or that she is unkempt or has poor personal hygiene. It could be considered shallow but some people will be put off by people who wear soiled or very old and worn clothing or who make no effort at all with their appearance i.e. brushing your hair and teeth for example. I assume she is saying that she looks like she fits in with her general peer group so that there is no reason they could be dismissing her on looks alone i.e. if she had a very alternative look or looked like she disliked and didn't care about fashion. The truth is many women do value these things and probably look for friends who also value these.

AnEnglishCircedee · 05/01/2025 20:41

fizzyvitc · 05/01/2025 20:16

@Quinto I don't know for sure but I think she is trying to say that she is groomed and looks "normal" for want of a better word. That there is nothing about her that the average person would think oh she is a bit of an odd ball or that she is unkempt or has poor personal hygiene. It could be considered shallow but some people will be put off by people who wear soiled or very old and worn clothing or who make no effort at all with their appearance i.e. brushing your hair and teeth for example. I assume she is saying that she looks like she fits in with her general peer group so that there is no reason they could be dismissing her on looks alone i.e. if she had a very alternative look or looked like she disliked and didn't care about fashion. The truth is many women do value these things and probably look for friends who also value these.

Yes you are correct . Thank you for understanding my statement. Honestly I couldn’t be any clearer . I am a professional financial services city worker too have been for over 35years and no one would know I didn’t have friends and a bf. But spending time working a high pressured competitive career raising children looking after the elderly. Puts friends at the bottom of my list . I am grateful for what I have . My mum was my friend now my DH and DD and DS is my friend . And this is not about me . For the author you are still young friends or a friend will come and you are not on your own . Thank you again for the response / reply to the other person .

Kibble29 · 05/01/2025 21:06

I must’ve counted about 8 Glasgow people on here.

I’ll need to know whether you’re Celtic or Rangers before I consider if you’re decent. 🤔😆

Kibble29 · 05/01/2025 22:05

Did the Glasgow whatsapp group happen?

ElleintheWoods · 05/01/2025 22:15

I have friends… They’re all men 😂 They’re lovely and take me for brunch but I’d like a woman in my life.

I’m not sure what it is, maybe women have no motivation to stay friends with other women at this life stage?

I have about 5 women I’m friendly with, mostly that I’ve met through work. But at Christmas not a single one reached out to me before I reached out to them, and I’d be surprised if any of them invited me to their wedding etc.

Do your ex friends also have kids? Might be a life stage thing where people are in either different places or don’t want to invest energy outside of their own home circle/ family