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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Anyone else have no friends?

233 replies

Lostworlds · 04/01/2025 08:52

I’m in my early 30’s and have absolutely no friends. I don’t really know how it happened as I used to have friends but everyone drifted away from me. I put in a lot of effort and still people aren’t interested.
I had 2 close friends but turns out they weren’t my friends at all.

I’ve tried meeting people at baby and toddler groups, I’ve suggested meeting up with people I’m friendly with at work. I’ve gone out with my dh’s friends partners but nothing sticks. I’m on mat leave which means I’m at home a lot more than I’d like to be so I take the kids out a lot and do things otherwise I spend the day alone with my kids which is great but I don’t hear from any adults at all. No one ever makes the effort to contact me.

Sounds so pathetic and I have no idea what I’m asking here other than is anyone else like me?

OP posts:
Angelcakelover · 04/01/2025 13:50

Pankoberry · 04/01/2025 13:33

anyone Hertfordshire or Bedfordshire based?

Hertfordshire based here, hi! 😄

wavingfuriously · 04/01/2025 13:57

Just want to add something. I took the dog out for the first time in his buggy( he's elderly and can't walk v far) The number of people who stopped to chat, exchange new year greeting or comment about dog : mine or theirs was completely astounding! It was quite a crowded area but even so ... tons of peeps even said nice to meet you even tho interaction was only a few sentences😄

The people who talked to us appeared to be normal, nice , cheerful and in groups, couples not just on their own.

It taught me something..we are all basically on our own and lots of people are very open and approachable to making new contacts.. more than we imagine..

If you are shy OP it may seem a bit difficult but people are exactly the same as you. some may not be interested but some defo will!👍

needhelpwiththisplease · 04/01/2025 14:00

@Debtfreeme @TheSparkling I'm Manchester way. I'm 51 and very friendly.

Imisscoffee2021 · 04/01/2025 14:04

I worry about this alot as I moved when I had my kiddo, but have friends scattered about the country i see once or twice a year. Ineas lonely where I moved with my 6 week old so downloaded the peanut app and made three lovely friends on there, have you used that?, its for women who are on maternity or sahm or all sorts of reasons but those with babies and kids to meet up or chat, it's based on your area so might be good? I found it easier to meet friends there than the many groups I go to as I'm so distracted with my little one climbing things to get into a proper chat!

Quinto · 04/01/2025 14:04

Lostworlds · 04/01/2025 11:34

I hope I bring quite a lot to friendships and have had lots of different types of friends.
I’d say I’m easy going, a good listener, funny and always there for friends in need.
I have 2 children so fully understand that everyone has different priorities in life so have tried to be friends with people I’ve met from baby classes and mum groups, knowing that we all have children and plans change last minute. Sadly for me friends have drifted apart, a few friends dropped me when I had my first child, even though I was late twenties. I’ve been excluded from group chats that I originally created and friends that I’ve brought together have moved on without me. Everyone’s entitled to be friends with whoever they want and I’m happy for people to move on if that’s how they feel but I do still feel lonely.

Yes, but that’s still very general. You say you’ve had lots of different types of people as friends, but from what you say those friendships have ended, or drifted, in part due to different life stages. What do you want from friends now? Who are you as a friend now?

I’ve moved around a lot, and have had to be pro-active about making friends from scratch, which means I have to look around for situations in which I am likely to encounter the kind of people I like in a new place. The kind of people I like having round me are often artists/writers/musicians, have creative jobs in the arts or associated fields, are humanities academics, or work in publishing or architecture. They’re likely to have lived outside their home country, and to be serious readers and/or interested in music and art, and to lead or have led relatively unconventional lives, and they like talking.

Where I live now, I met new friends in an art gallery, at an opera relay in the cinema, at various arts festivals, via work (university), and my son’s friends’ parents from his primary. The architect who worked on our house (bought as a wreck) has become a close friend. Obviously I have longdistance friendships too, but I have had to put myself out there.

Obviously you can be unlucky. Someone’s there’s just no one of your preferred type in the vicinity. The second last place I lived was like that, and apart from friends made at work, and older friends visiting from a distance, it was pretty solitary. It contributed to our move.

I’m banging on about my own friendships not to say ‘See! Do it like me!’ but to encourage you to think more specifically about what you want, because it sounds as if being generally friendly isn’t working for you for whatever reason.

MalcolmTuckersBollockingface · 04/01/2025 14:43

glittertime · 04/01/2025 11:29

MN should have a whatsapp group.

Ironically, several years ago, some MN people set up a WS group for people to connect. It was dominated by people who used to boast about having loads of friends and lauding it over the people who wanted to make friends

needhelpwiththisplease · 04/01/2025 14:49

@MalcolmTuckersBollockingface I was in a WhatsApp group back in the day.
It was not a friendly place to be

PointySnoot · 04/01/2025 15:03

Watching with interest. I don't have close friends. I thought I did when I was younger, but eventually realised I was the giver and the do-er. When I dropped the rope, they disappeared. The few that I do have now are people that I only see occasionally (due to distance and work) although it's lovely when we do meet or speak.

It probably doesn't help that I'm not very sociable. I am good at being friendly and chatty, but I'm a homebody who likes pottering so I tend not to go beyond superficial friendliness with most people, because I'm quite private.

Pigsinblankets13 · 04/01/2025 15:24

I'm similar. In early 30s, DC2 due in a few weeks. I have 1 'proper' friend...met via the peanut app for mums, have you tried that?

Pumpkinseason3 · 04/01/2025 15:34

I’m about an hour away from you @Lostworlds but just want to reassure you that you’re definitely not alone 😊 I’m early 30s, 1 child, no friends, and a DH who works at sea for long periods of time. I work PT so have a few colleagues I’m friendlier with there but on days that I’m not at work I have nobody that makes any effort to contact me. Colleagues are at very different life stages to me so while we chat at work, they’re not really people I would socialise with away from there.

I got married recently and did it in a registry office with just parents and siblings as I had nobody else to invite 🤷🏻‍♀️

The reality is that about 75% of my life is spent either at work or alone with my child, and the other 25% is spent as a family when DH is home.

driftingintheair · 04/01/2025 15:36

Lostworlds · 04/01/2025 13:16

@driftingintheair that’s really painful about your mum, how are you doing now?
I think for me, no invites are coming! My two friends who over the last couple of years I’d say I’ve become
very close with have decided I’m not ‘part of the group anymore’. Our group chat lies empty, I’ve suggested meeting up, play dates with kids, even just a coffee/ walk one evening but it’s always met with silence or well sort something.

Thanks. I’ve had some counselling sessions which has helped. It really hurts that no one cares, and the miserable side of me says don’t be there for them when they lose a parent but it is not in my nature to be so callous.

In your situation I’d move on from those friends and as others have suggested look at Peanut and MeetUp etc. Keep on slogging on to try and find your tribe! Good luck x

missdeamenor · 04/01/2025 15:37

menopausalfart · 04/01/2025 13:37

I'm the same. I lost all the joy in life going through menopause. Being around people gives me anxiety.

Really feel for you and totally understand. All I can say is you'll feel much better when it's all over and your hormones settle down. Unfortunately, you may be quite old by then but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

AndiPandiPuddinAndPie · 04/01/2025 16:49

Pankoberry · 04/01/2025 13:33

Where are you based? I tried meet up but there wasn’t anything really local to me except walking. And even then they were 40 and under (which then made me feel friendless and old!) 😂

I’m in Warrington (up North) 😊

Itiswhatitis80 · 04/01/2025 17:07

I don’t have any friends,I’m envious of those who have a team of good friends and family,especially when going through tough times.

Mylazycatspyjamas · 04/01/2025 17:08

custardpyjamas · 04/01/2025 12:55

I think this was the thing on TV before Christmas, might be good for some of us.

www.llgc.co.uk/

What a great idea! I wish there was one near me!

Mary46 · 04/01/2025 17:35

Small circle here Im 51. Few good friends thats it. Met a few nice girls through my job on school bus. Im finding loads happy to text but no follow ups to meet or set dates... People flaky now. Did musical last month with friend was nice eve.

cupcakeandcoffee · 04/01/2025 17:49

Inspired by this thread I have just joined Thrive and added an event on there to meet people for coffee on Sunday 12th. If anyone on here is from the windsor and Maidenhead area then you are very welcome to join me!

Nothing will change unless we make it ❤️

ellebelli · 04/01/2025 17:51

Me! During Covid my friendships suffered and never recovered despite me trying to arrange meet ups, It got to the point I just stopped bothering and have now not heard off either of them for about a 1.5yrs.
It does hurt and I worry how things will be for me in later life,if I end up alone with no one except my Children(and they are not always guaranteed to keep in touch)
I do absolutely everything with my Partner and am very lucky we are great friends and share interests etc.
I am self employed so although i work for people and therefore do see them to talk to, i am not friends with them so don't see them outside of work hours.
One of the ladies I see for work has lots of friends and is always going out with them and holidays with them,so i always feel sad when she tells me what shes been up too etc.
It makes me sad and does cause me to worry about being alone.

RareNewt · 04/01/2025 17:56

Anyone live east riding area? I'd love to meet up and make friends x

Cindersilly · 04/01/2025 17:59

When I was early 30s I had no friends. It was so lonely.

I made 5 new best friends when I was 34! We’re a group and it’s lovely. It’s all I need.

You never know what’s around the corner but you do have to say “yes” to things if you want to meet people.

Lostworlds · 04/01/2025 18:02

Lovely that some of you are reaching out to each other!

I would jump at an invite to do something. Even my dh said, any day or night just go and have some fun but it’s kinda rubbish just going out shopping or sitting having a coffee on my own. It’s nice to get a little break from the kids but it’s hard to just join in with people. I’ve tried peanut and it didn’t work out for me. I’ve looked at local groups but with my dh working some nights and not having any childcare, it’s quite hard to commit to something.

OP posts:
Mylazycatspyjamas · 04/01/2025 18:23

cupcakeandcoffee · 04/01/2025 17:49

Inspired by this thread I have just joined Thrive and added an event on there to meet people for coffee on Sunday 12th. If anyone on here is from the windsor and Maidenhead area then you are very welcome to join me!

Nothing will change unless we make it ❤️

What is Thrive?

Doglover84 · 04/01/2025 18:48

I feel like i have quite a few 'situational' friendships but I've heard from literally no one over the Xmas break. I do have a lovely DH and DC though! I'm in Glasgow. If anyone nearby wants to pm me their number I'm happy to set up a WhatsApp chat xx

purplespink · 04/01/2025 18:51

@Doglover84 I'm in Glasgow too, I'd be happy to join a WhatsApp groupSmile

Mylazycatspyjamas · 04/01/2025 18:52

Delly9 · 04/01/2025 12:55

There is a Facebook group called Thrive - Women Living Our Best Lives. I have yet to attend but there are 67k members and events all over the country. Quite a few female friendship groups have been created on Facebook since lockdown with people saying their friendships have drifted so they have joined to make new friends.

Is it a religious group? I’ve just looked at it and it definitely seems to have a religious focus.