Partner offended over couples sex toy I bought him

[Bamboosilverleaf]

Basically what it says in the title.
Been with partner for over a year. Sex life seems open and fun and we both love each other.
At Christmas we bough main present each and said a few jokey / sexy things.
One of the smaller things he got me was pretty lingerie that I loved.
One of the smaller things I got for him was a c*k ring as he opened it I said for both of us. He went oh ok. Got up and started a making a cup of tea. Anyway since then he hasn't mentioned it he's put it away in a draw. I wore my lingerie last night and said babe get the c*k ring out , massage oil etc . He didn't get it out the drawer. I left it, we had fun anyway.
So this morning I say to him , have you tried that c**k ring? And he said I don't really understand why you bought it , it's like basically saying I'm not enough for you or not getting your clitorous off by myself.

I'm in shock. I think I've made him feel insecure. He's being really distant with me this evening. He looks hurt. Have no idea why??

Surely it's obvious why, he told you quite explicitly.

You need to talk to him about how he feels about using toys with you before you buy any. Have a conversation about it and see what he says. If he is interested look online and pick something together.

But it's a fun toy, I thought we had fun. No different to me saying to him ... your basically saying I'm unattractive without sexy lingerie is it?

We have used toys in the past

He's been fine using toys together. But this particular one has hit a nerve it seems 🙄 I thought I was doing something he would really like

A cock ring is something men usually use if they have trouble staying hard. Which is fine and can be helpful but I can see why he has taken offence if you just bought it for him without him saying he wanted to try one etc.
Unless it was one of those Anne summers type vibrating ones? Because those are meant to be like a tiny vibrator and if he thinks there is something wrong with you using a vibrator during sex he needs to get over himself!

He said:

I don't really understand why you bought it , it's like basically saying I'm not enough for you or not getting your clitorous off by myself.

It makes him feel like he's incapable of getting you off. Therefore he's upset.

I get why a man would be kind of pissed off that his missus wanted more assistance in the bedroom, a man wants to feel like you desire him solely without the need for additional support. He probably feels emasculated, bless him. Also, I don’t think you can compare some pretty lace knickers and bra that is also an everyday essential item for a woman to an actual sex toy that goes onto your partners genital. I can’t imagine it being very pleasurable for a man to have a vibrating ring around his…
Maybe you can suggest some other non-invasive, fun options to spice things up like card games, dice or even some other toys that he could be apart of choosing so then you will both be happy with them.

Bloody hell men really are fragile.

He’s told you he doesn’t like this particular toy. So just bin it and move on. Not sure what advice you’re after?

Yes it was a vibrating love honey one with clitorous part on it

He can bin it . I was just interested in hearing others opinions.

This is the biggest load of misogynistic crap I’ve ever read. I actually cringed reading this. “A man wants to feel like you desire him solely without any additional support”. What a load of rubbish. The majority of women require sex toys to orgasm, and any man who is too fragile to accept that lots of women need ‘additional support’ needs to grow up. What next? A real man doesn’t allow sex toys in the bedroom?!

OP - all you needed to say to him was “it’s nothing to do with your erection, or lasting longer, I just read it’s a fun way to enhance your sensation and enjoyment”. You need to be able to communicate better. He’s acting so childish by sulking, but you haven’t handled it well either.

Well tbh he's not that good at getting me off. So that's one of the reasons I bought it. I thought it may spice things up a bit. It doesn't seem fair he gets off everything and I don't

Thanks for this .

You are entitled to your own opinion, as am I.
It would be a boring world if we all had the same view points in life, celebrate or at least try to be open to understanding different opinions and viewpoints, don’t mock/shun diversity because it simply don’t make sense to you. All the best to you.

Ah! Then there's the problem.

If you've communicated to him what works for you and he's refusing to do it then I'd finish the relationship. It means he's a selfish, immature child and can't be bothered with your needs.

This selfishness and indifference will be central to your relationship. For example, he bought you some lingerie for him but wasn't prepared to try something for you.

Don't settle for crap sex.

Oh fuck off seriously if it's that pointless don't comment and move on. I was trying to gauge if others would be offended by this

except you're asking a bunch of women. surely what you need is a male opinion?
there is a sex topic. more men i gather.

Lots of men on mumsnet , also wondering if other women have introduced this particular sex toy and partners or husbands have been offended. What is your problem? If you don't like the post don't comment. I can ask whatever I like on here. If people don't wnat to answer they can move on.

Well tbh he's not that good at getting me off. So that's one of the reasons I bought it. I thought it may spice things up a bit. It doesn't seem fair he gets off everything and I don't

No it’s not fair, and you need to tell him this. “You get me really close but I need more to get me over the edge. I thought this would be a good way whilst we can enjoy penetrative sex. If you don’t want to try it, next time you need to make sure I’ve orgasmed before we move onto penetration. I find xx, xx and xx get me off best, but happy to let you find what works best for us together” And leave it in his court.

Unfortunately some men have had a lifetime of porn and previous partners faking it, and have never actually learnt/practiced/skilled up.

I hear you OP. I may have missed this part of your thread. If he is not satisfying you or making you climax the majority of the time during sex then yes that is absolutely not ok and if anything he should be very open and more than happy to explore what other means can be tested to ensure your optimal pleasure because as you say it is definitely not fair for you to not feel any pleasure and he gets to have all of the fun with you, there needs to be a balance and it is highly unbalanced at the moment.

I have tried to communicate this or direct him it just gets awkward and I end up just saying don't worry and carry on having sex. I suppose that's why I bought it. I'm not sure how to bring this up outside of the bedroom? Am I going to offend him again now??

Thanks , I'm also starting to feel quite resentful towards him about it all which I don't want to be because I love him