Partner offended over couples sex toy I bought him

[Bamboosilverleaf]

Basically what it says in the title.
Been with partner for over a year. Sex life seems open and fun and we both love each other.
At Christmas we bough main present each and said a few jokey / sexy things.
One of the smaller things he got me was pretty lingerie that I loved.
One of the smaller things I got for him was a c*k ring as he opened it I said for both of us. He went oh ok. Got up and started a making a cup of tea. Anyway since then he hasn't mentioned it he's put it away in a draw. I wore my lingerie last night and said babe get the c*k ring out , massage oil etc . He didn't get it out the drawer. I left it, we had fun anyway.
So this morning I say to him , have you tried that c**k ring? And he said I don't really understand why you bought it , it's like basically saying I'm not enough for you or not getting your clitorous off by myself.

I'm in shock. I think I've made him feel insecure. He's being really distant with me this evening. He looks hurt. Have no idea why??

Why should she be a total doormat? she has asked multiple times and made lots of suggestions on how to help her experience pleasure and the man has done nothing! He’s the one who has been totally inconsiderate of her experience when does he apologise or make it better.

@Bamboosilverleaf - not RTFT but have read all your updates. Have already posted once but your update confirms that this guy isn’t for you. He doesn’t care about your pleasure and he’s not interested in learning even the basics. As already discussed at length on this thread: many, if not most, women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to come. This is really basic stuff which any decent male lover will be very keen to learn or will already know. I agree that you probably need to end this and find someone who doesn’t focus on his own pleasure and leave you feeling frustrated. He sounds selfish, immature and like he’s got his sex ed from crappy, phallocentric porn.

Okay so I’m not sure “merry Christmas, here’s a present” is best served by giving him something you’ve basically bought for yourself because you’re unsatisfied

She bought it for both ....I also thought vibrating cock rings gave both partners stimulation.

If my husband bought me a contraption for christmas that kept me tighter during sex, I’d also be pretty hurt (and embarrassed)

Not remotely comparable.

That would be a penis extender or something like that.

It really was the time to discuss it, he had been ignoring it for plenty long enough. If he is going to ignore her requests, suggestions and then have a tantrum when she tries to do something to improve the situation then it really needs to be discussed. What is even wrong about stating the fact that she is not experiencing a climax during sex?

Yep, this is hilarious.

Op's partner has an orgasm during every session but she doesn't.

He used to eg do oral sex on her but doesn't bother anymore and she got sick of/gave up asking him.
She makes an effort, like dressing up (which he likes) but he doesn't make an effort to help her climax.

She tried to introduce something to help give her the orgasms that he's too selfish and lazy to help her have ..... With no additional effort on his part .....(And she thought he'd get something out of the cock ring too) ....but he gets offended and huffy etc.

She should apologise and prostrate herself???

Is this Mumsnet??!!

Bit of a sensitive one your dp isn’t he 🙄

exactly. they're not just about lasting longer and staying harder. they increase the intensity of the male orgasm, even if they do delay it a little. it means you get to have fun sexytimesfor longer, and what man doesn't want that, and the resulting climax is better.

Bit of a selfish, lazy one too.

the older you get, the easier the communication gets.
we're in our 40s, and for a while, Husband got into the mindset that foreplay is to get you wet, and lube meant it could be bypassed. I explained to him how foreplay doesn't just provide lubrication, it also relaxes the muscles, and that even with loads of lube, it hurts if it's not relaxed enough. once he understood that, he no longer saw lube as a shortcut. just as something that makes it feel nicer.

there was a thread on here, where someone made this comment, and I just thought. Wow. what an accurate way to phrase it.

"he wants to have sex ON you, not WITH you."

@CrowleyKitten Yeah I hear you. Things like that can be addressed with a mature and receptive partner. I don't think that's what OP is working with, unfortunately.

my husband and many other men disagree. men enjoy vibrating toys too.

@CrowleyKitten What's so depressing is how many (apparently) female commenters also think the 'sex on you not with you' thing is fine. People telling her 'aww, he's hurt', 'aww, you should apologise'. As if being used as his living masturbatory aid isn't hurtful and doesn't warrant an apology. The male ego being centred, time and again.

You've handled it all very well OP, if it had been me and he started whining about his hurty feelingz I'd have snapped 'well if you ever bothered touching me with your fingers i wouldn't have to get a fucking toy to do your job for you'. That probably wouldn't have gone down well.

It sounds though like he's very selfish in bed. BJ's would have dried up long ago if he couldn't be bothered to get me off. I think you've put up with crap sex for long enough OP, maybe this was just the nudge you needed to call it a day.

Yeah that was someone else’s statement, I was just laughing at the ridiculous suggestion that it wouldn’t feel pleasurable!

she said if someone wasn't the best sex she'd had, she wouldn't be in a relationship with them.

Or she could, you know, just tell him to eff off and find a mature and thoughtful man who doesn't see her as a sex doll with extra steps?
Why would she want to win back the trust of a man who doesn't deserve hers?

I suspect there are a lot of women who actually dont like sex very much (as evidenced by a fairly recent thread in AIBU) and are pissed off that other women do

I know, I own a few myself. Cock rings aren't designed to insult, giving one as a gift because she thinks he's crap at sex is.

If she thinks he's crap at sex, she should have talked to him or dumped him, not made the issue into a Christmas present.

She has talked to him You are reading what you want to read

Yes I know, that's why I included the dump him option. The gift was still a shitty one.

She said it was a gift for him. I didn't realise it was supposed to do both of them.

What's the thread, please?

They already owned and used sex toys and agreed to get sexy gifts for each other, in the circumstance it seems a very reasonable gift. She stated it was for both of them when she gave it. What’s wrong with getting something that would increase both their pleasure?

How are you today op?

Have you told the whiny, selfish man baby to piss off yet? Hope he's not talked you round to staying and continuing to tolerate shit sex so as not to offend his fragile little ego.