Partner offended over couples sex toy I bought him

[Bamboosilverleaf]

Basically what it says in the title.
Been with partner for over a year. Sex life seems open and fun and we both love each other.
At Christmas we bough main present each and said a few jokey / sexy things.
One of the smaller things he got me was pretty lingerie that I loved.
One of the smaller things I got for him was a c*k ring as he opened it I said for both of us. He went oh ok. Got up and started a making a cup of tea. Anyway since then he hasn't mentioned it he's put it away in a draw. I wore my lingerie last night and said babe get the c*k ring out , massage oil etc . He didn't get it out the drawer. I left it, we had fun anyway.
So this morning I say to him , have you tried that c**k ring? And he said I don't really understand why you bought it , it's like basically saying I'm not enough for you or not getting your clitorous off by myself.

I'm in shock. I think I've made him feel insecure. He's being really distant with me this evening. He looks hurt. Have no idea why??

Ah ok , yeh maybe read the whole thread , I bought it for both of us but I think mainly because I'm feeling very unsatisfied

I can only speak from my own personal experiences but thank you for highlighting how lucky I am (and others, I’m sure) to have found both sexual and non-sexual compatibility in a lover, I do hope you get to experience this too if you haven’t already as it is life changing and sadly, it shouldn’t be portrayed as such a rare occurrence for women to find all of the things they desire in a partner both in the bedroom and beyond. Let’s normalise women aligning great sex and great partnerships and not feeling the need to have to choose between either, or.

Thank you. I'm reading all the comments wondering why they are making it seem like OP has done something so horrible.

They have used toys before together so not sure why he would be so fragile and take it so negative.

Babe, get the cock ring out. 😂😂😂😭😭

I don’t think it’s a case of either/or at all, I’m talking about my own experience. Neither do I think it can be guaranteed that every new partner will trump the previous one’s sexual ability. I just don’t think about this the same way as you, sex isn’t that big a deal to me. I’ve got anorgasmia and get very little physical pleasure out of sex full stop. The best sex I’ve ever had is with my hand or a vibrator.

When it's put like this oh my goodness I have to laugh 😂🤣 atleast I can laugh at myself through all of this

I’m sorry to hear about your condition I hope the climate improves and you meet a person who pleasures you, it is absolutely possible and everyone deserves to have a multitude of orgasmic experiences with their long-term lovers.
All the best 💐

Right, so he is having a tanty because the gift helped him accurately recognize that he is not getting you off enough on his own, and rather than address that problem he would prefer to make you feel guilty for wanting more and just shut up and accept the imbalance.

No, you are not going to offend him by giving communication. If he is offended then it's on him (and you will need to re-evaluate) but he may need a moment to process it. But the best time to speak about these things is outside of the bedroom assuming as you've inferred this isn't just about sex and you are in a relationship.

I agree, what a selfish fucker. He gets to enjoy sex every single time. But doesn't touch you at all? I'd stop having sex with him to be honest, until he bucked his ideas up.

Does he also throw a ‘oh my dick isn’t enough for you’ strop if you use a small clit vibrator or use your fingers during sex? Because if so he needs an anatomy lesson.

www.sciencealert.com/why-does-the-orgasm-gap-exist-a-psychologist-explains

It's absolutely ridiculous how some men react to sex toys. Instead of viewing them as tools to enhance your sex life and make it even better, they are threatened by a hunk of vibrating silicone.

It is childish and immature and would be a huge ick for me.

Everyone has a right to not enjoy certain sex acts or not want to use certain toys, but how things are dealt with are important.

If he doesn't fancy using it, fine.

If he wonders whether you are typically sexually satisfied with him, he should sit you down and ASK you whether you purchased the toy because of that, rather than assuming.

It's not about not wanting to use the toy. It's about a grown man not only not communicating well, but also acting like a toy is going to steal his partner.

Thst was an absolutely awful gift to buy for him, even as a joke. What is the matter with you? You've only been together five minutes anyway and it wouldn't surprise me if this brought about the end.

Your condition? She doesn't have psoriasis

Honestly OP you need to be less concerned about him throwing a strop or his feelings/ego being hurt.

If he can't be bothered to touch you and get you off during sex, then he's very selfish and needs a kick up the arse.

Such men make sex a chore and then wonder why their partners lose interest.

Have a direct conversation with him - "sorry this toy hurt your feelings, but you're not really bothering with my enjoyment in bed these days ..."

Maybe you should read your replies back. You did say "ahh I thought I'd get him something he really likes".
Now it seems like that isn't what you wanted.
It was for both of you.
Fair enough but then don't spin it like it's for him.
It's for you?

Please, kindly invest in a dictionary.

Kindly, you've missed the joke.

If it makes you feel better I find cock rings awful! Like you are being hit on the vagina!! Very rarely gets the clitoris and if you manage to get it feeling nice the penetration is effected!! Don’t waste money on those ones you insert and can have sex with! I found it so painful.

Reading your responses, he seems rather selfish. Why would he not want to make sure you have a good time. My husband has never been offended for me saying something does or doesn’t work. I know you said you love him but this seems like a big deal that could manifest in others aspects of your relationship.

The definition of “joke” in the dictionary: a thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punchline.

Your “joke” unfortunately, did not cause amusement or laughter. I will reiterate again, to kindly invest in a dictionary and perhaps even some comedic knowledge if you plan on being a successful comedian. All the best to you 💐

Kindly, it's ok you didn't get it. Not everyone will. Keep trying though !

Many men think buying lingerie for their partners is a great present (for them) but refuse to accept sexual toys they feel uncomfortable with, even if they are fun for their partners.

You've got a sexually repressed arsehole.

Oh, I laughed a lot (even though I actually do have psoriasis, as well as a boyfriend who doesn’t get insecure about sex toys)!

Perhaps you just don’t get the joke?

Forgetting the cock ring, you don't sound sexually compatible. He sounds quite selfish. If you can't have an open, honest conversation about the fact he is not satisfying you and he is selfish in bed - puts in an effort for a week or month then goes back to being selfish - then he is not a truly good partner. If he truly loved you he'd want to satisfy you. If he says to you that it makes him feel inadequate, I'd say straight out 'well, you are.' I'd have one last attempt a true deep, honest conversation, then I'd bin him if there were no changes. Sex is important, life is too short. If he loved you, he'd be moving the earth (sexually as well a metaphorically, lol) to see you satisfied because seeing a woman satisfied is generally what gets most men off the most. Many men say they orgasm the best when they know they truly got their partner off and seeing her satisfied. Love in your instance, seems surface level.

It really could work in so many scenarios...

Sex not satisfactory = Babe, get the cock ring out...
Traffic getting too congested = Babe, get the cock ring out..
Dinner needs a bit more seasoning = Babe, get the cock ring out...
Neighbours being unruly = Babe, get the cock ring out...

It just works.