Partner offended over couples sex toy I bought him

[Bamboosilverleaf]

Basically what it says in the title.
Been with partner for over a year. Sex life seems open and fun and we both love each other.
At Christmas we bough main present each and said a few jokey / sexy things.
One of the smaller things he got me was pretty lingerie that I loved.
One of the smaller things I got for him was a c*k ring as he opened it I said for both of us. He went oh ok. Got up and started a making a cup of tea. Anyway since then he hasn't mentioned it he's put it away in a draw. I wore my lingerie last night and said babe get the c*k ring out , massage oil etc . He didn't get it out the drawer. I left it, we had fun anyway.
So this morning I say to him , have you tried that c**k ring? And he said I don't really understand why you bought it , it's like basically saying I'm not enough for you or not getting your clitorous off by myself.

I'm in shock. I think I've made him feel insecure. He's being really distant with me this evening. He looks hurt. Have no idea why??

Surely you could argue the lingerie has the same issue? Eg. Why does he want you to wear it aren’t you already sexy enough without it? Why does he need something else?

He knows he’s selfish and not very good, and you effectively called him out on it on Christmas Day, that’s why he’s sulking really

Yeah OP that would be my reply/thought.
I think you need to speak to him about and use this as an example .
He seem too immature for “fun”

This. However, you can explain to him why you got it, as you could just as well say you're hurt that he buys you sexy lingerie, are you not enough for him in your granny pants .

OP I'm 109% with you. He sounds like a hard work. A bit too fragile to accommodate your sexual needs? Food for thought..

You changed this around, initially everything was fine and it was just a fun toy you both could enjoy. Then it turned into he actually isn't enough by himself he doesn't satisfy you and you want him to use it to make your experience better. So he was right you were questioning his ability in bed and he was offended. You weren't open about it, you could have said I bought this because I think this might make things better for me, rather than this is a Christmas present for you, but we both can have fun with it. I can see why he might be a bit pissed off.

So he's correct. He's been honest about it, some men would be fine with it and some wouldn't- same as if a man bought a woman a sex toy some would love it some would hate it. It's up to him how he feels, and this comment proves his assumption was correct; how about be open and honest.

@Haveyouseenthischicken "any man who is too fragile to accept that lots of women need ‘additional support’ needs to grow up. "

Would a woman who found out their partner needed to think about their sister/best mate/work colleague to blow their load be "fragile and need to grow up" rather than feeling quite upset?

So because he's not getting you off as much as you want (which you've already expressed to him) you bought him a toy which confirms that he's 'failing' and which you've admitted is a gift basically for you.
And you can't understand why he's hurt and offended?

If this OP was about a man who bought his partner a gift for himself while simultaneously confirming to her that she's not good enough, this thread would explode in fury

I'm a bit surprised you can't see why you giving him a cock ring might make him feel insecure. I'm even more surprised that you can't see now he's explained it clearly.

Except he is selfish in bed. So he deserves to know that. OP has said she's tried repeatedly to talk to him he doesn't want to listen. He is selfish and lazy in bed. A woman should be able to call out such a selfish dud!

Dice?
Does he want a game of Snakes and ladders, Ludo perhaps?
Is there such a thing as sex dice?

I have tried to communicate this or direct him it just gets awkward and I end up just saying don't worry and carry on having sex. I suppose that's why I bought it. I'm not sure how to bring this up outside of the bedroom? Am I going to offend him again now??

Is the clear communication in the room with us?

Is there such a thing as sex dice?

There is!

You are right! I googled !..I assumed vibrating dice, but I was wrong. :👍😆

Hi OP sorry you’ve had so many unhelpful replies. I am a woman in a relationship with a woman so I’m not sure how different this is, but we bought each other some toys for Christmas and neither was offended (we didn’t know we’d both bought some). So I can tell you from experience that it doesn’t upset me.
however when I was with my ex husband, I asked him about using toys and his response was something along the lines of ‘You don’t need toys, I am enough’ (which he wasn’t), I expressed a few times that I needed something a bit more exciting and he was offended too. So I know how you feel x

Sex Dice:

https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/lubes-essentials/sexy-gifts-games/adult-games/p/lovehoney-oh-foreplay-dice-3-pack/53819.html

LOADS of women cannot 'get off' on PIV.

He needs to learn more techniques.

I would cringe hard if partner felt less “manly” due to a sex toy

I've asked him to go down on me more , he does for about a week then gives up.

So he knows what to do to get you off but chooses not to do it regularly. He's happy to use BJ toys and regularly comes from BJ but hardly goes down on you? I think it's a selfish man. I would have one last conversation but if nothing improves then bin him.

That's a lot of effort for a sex life. Do you enjoy the role play, dressing up etc? I am no prude (genuinely, have done swinging, all sorts) but I would not bother with that malarkey. It reads like a man's stereotype of a good sex life. If you genuinely love all that stuff then crack on but it does sound quite performative. Genuine chemistry doesn't tend to need dress up and role play. And that might be the issue - that your sex life isn't satisfying you but you're putting a whole lot of effort in? And at the end of the day, if you can't communicate properly over sex then it's doomed frankly, I'm sorry.

And? You just reiterated what I said. She has tried to communicate with him, even directing him. He is not listening.

You also missed 've asked him to go down on me more , he does for about a week then gives up. He never touches me at all anymore. Claims I'm the sexiest woman alive, always has an election. No issues there. When we piv it's good and I can sometimes orgasm from that , but I often come away feeling very unfulfilled and unsatisfied while he's laying there like a Cheshire cat

and

I did do this a few times early on. I would be very encouraging when he was hitting the spot and tell him afterwards what worked well etc. He seems to just not bother anymore. It's now got to a point where he hasn't touched me in so long

She's tried. In many different ways. He is a dud root. Its that simple. And too selfish to change his ways.

Exactly!

The OP has not changed her initial post. She's being more open about their sexual relationship in subsequent posts.

How many men are posting in MN these days? Fucking hell.

Well firstly nobody is allowed to control what their partner thinks about so yes, and secondly thinking about someone else isn't the same thing as needing a little more mechanical stimulation on the clitoris to reach orgasm. Stupid comparison.

That’s not really comparable because we’re talking about a woman’s physical body (which is entirely different to a man’s in how sexual stimulation works) rather than fantasies. But, speaking as a woman, I expect my partner does have fantasies that don’t include me and consider that perfectly normal (I have ones that aren’t about him!) anyone expecting to be the sole source of sexual desire for their partner is setting themselves up for disappointment, you don’t stop thinking about other sexual scenarios or finding other people attractive when in a relationship.