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Original poster

My daughter has moved to Australia and she’s not coming back

267 replies

pensionsums · 03/01/2025 22:14

She’s only 26. Moved there with her husband a year ago, only for two years was the plan. Everything now changed and they’re never coming back. Aibu to be a bit upset? Would you be upset if this was you?

OP posts:
Pigeonqueen · 03/01/2025 22:16

I would be devastated like most parents would, I’m sure. But I guess I’d try to hide that and find a way to have as best a relationship as I could with them somehow. It’s incredibly difficult though.

Snowmanscarf · 03/01/2025 22:17

Yes, I think it’s natural to feel upset. You expect to be in their lives, see grandchildren grow up, and now that’s gone. It’s almost like a rejection.

PiastriThePastry · 03/01/2025 22:18

I think most parents would be very upset by this but as long as you don’t make her feel bad for making her choice, there’s nothing wrong with that! It’s natural to be sad you won’t see her as much and that there’ll be that emotional and physical distance.

candlerhyme · 03/01/2025 22:19

I would be devastated.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 03/01/2025 22:19

My dc is thinking of moving to Manchester and I'm gutted. And trying very hard to be supportive and sensible.

Yellowseat · 03/01/2025 22:19

Oh gosh yes totally natural to feel that way. I think you will have to make a plan of action to manage this about expectations for visiting. I have close friends with relatives who’ve moved. They have made it work as best as that can.

TinyMouseTheatre · 03/01/2025 22:21

YANBU. I'd be devastated too. Would try and be happy for her but it would be hard Flowers

TomatoSandwiches · 03/01/2025 22:21

I'd think it's marvelous! What an adventure for your DD and the opportunity to visit and holiday there as well.
Try and look at the positives, our children have their own lives to lead and shouldn't be held back by their parents.

Twodogsisbetterthanone · 03/01/2025 22:22

My daughter is about to do the same. I’m gutted but would never say that to her

TomatoSandwiches · 03/01/2025 22:22

It's not like 1965 and you can only contact via post, there's video calls now, it will be fine.

aodrkee · 03/01/2025 22:23

When you say " never coming back ", has this been authorised by the Australian immigration system ?

HeddaGarbled · 03/01/2025 22:23

She’s only 26. No one can be sure she’s never coming back. I said all sorts of things at that age that I really really meant at the time. TBH, I was still spouting nonsense at 46.

tattychicken · 03/01/2025 22:24

Never is a long time. She may well change her mind at some point in the future. Yes, I would be very sad but put all my energy into faking excitement for her.

Newsenmum · 03/01/2025 22:24

Do you have any other children? If not, would you move their too?

Alphabetamega · 03/01/2025 22:24

Not a parent but a child who moved a significant way from my home country at 24 and never returned. Then my sibling did also…. So my parents had their only two children a significant and expensive travel distance away from them. I raised it with my mother after about 10 years and asked how she felt about it. She said she was sad, but we could be in the same country and not speak to her or be in jail 🤣 so things could be worse. She had time to reflect and had made her peace with it and was just happy that we had found happiness in our lives and that’s all she could really ask for. She was also grateful for the technology advances that meant she could speak to us / see us easily.

Ohnonotmeagain · 03/01/2025 22:25

Mine moved countries. It’s a 16 hour flight. I’m genuinely happy for her and the opportunities she has there.

we plan on visiting often and making the most of the travel opportunities opening up. With an empty nest we can go out of season when flights are cheap.

SundayGirl86 · 03/01/2025 22:26

I would be really upset too (for me, not my daughter!) but I would approach things practically and save/plan to visit and make sure I FaceTimed regularly - that kind of thing. It would help me to know that I had planned a date to see her again. I’d also remind myself that she will have the life she wants, that’s it’s a great opportunity and that I just want the best for her. It’s very tough I know but I hope you can make it work. Visiting Australia could be a huge adventure for you too.

Ilovegermany · 03/01/2025 22:26

Don’t be devastated, be happy. I left the UK at 22 and haven’t gone no desire to go back. My own DD has already lived 3 hours from me at the age of 17 and now lives in a different country - but she is only 50
minutes away. We have to let our children be free.

Ohnonotmeagain · 03/01/2025 22:26

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 03/01/2025 22:19

My dc is thinking of moving to Manchester and I'm gutted. And trying very hard to be supportive and sensible.

Where are you that Manchester seems so incredibly far? Surely it’s just a train ride and you can visit?

OurDreamLife · 03/01/2025 22:27

I’d be devastated but who knows what the future holds. They may want to move back if they have a family.

BruFord · 03/01/2025 22:27

My MIL was very upset when DH’s brother and his wife moved to a country in Asia 15 years ago. It’s very hard, but they’re living a wonderful life and she can see that they’re happy so she’s accepted it now. Plus technology makes a huge difference, they have Zoom calls every week.

I live in another country to my Dad, but we speak regularly and I try to visit every few months. Could you get out there once a year perhaps?

PosiePetal · 03/01/2025 22:29

Snowmanscarf · 03/01/2025 22:17

Yes, I think it’s natural to feel upset. You expect to be in their lives, see grandchildren grow up, and now that’s gone. It’s almost like a rejection.

Totally ridiculous and hurtful comment. Of course it’s hard but I would be happy if my child was happy. It doesn’t mean a child doesn’t love their parents. Very normal to move away at some point in life.

category12 · 03/01/2025 22:30

Of course it's upsetting. Hopefully the pain will ease as you get used to it.

You can support her decision and be happy for her if she's happy, while still being gutted for yourself.

saraclara · 03/01/2025 22:30

I'd be very upset. Like any sensible parent I'd put a brave face on it, but I can't pretend to anyone on this thread that I'd not feel the loss deeply.

CatherinedeBourgh · 03/01/2025 22:30

My mother has 3 of her 4 dc living in a different continent.

She says she can judge the state of the country by whether people react by telling her she's unlucky or lucky.