My daughter has moved to Australia and she’s not coming back

[pensionsums]

She’s only 26. Moved there with her husband a year ago, only for two years was the plan. Everything now changed and they’re never coming back. Aibu to be a bit upset? Would you be upset if this was you?

That always strikes me as quite emotionally blackmailing in the way it's presented tbh. I know it's for telly but it's still grim.

The people emigrating know they're going to be missed horribly. They're equally going to miss their families horribly AND their homes, friends, etc etc. Very few people come to the decision lightly and without considerable heartache.

But the way you support each other is to put your game face on, thank god that technology has transformed even in the last decade or two, and make the best of it.

I totally agree OP is being measured and is absolutely allowed to feel sad that this hasn't worked out how she'd hoped. She's certainly not indulging in some of the betrayal/rejection/must not love me after all narratives peddled by some on here who don't see their kids as fully independent beings.

For anyone who is finding such a situation as described by the OP to be really difficult or has been through it and has positive tips for coping, there is a Facebook group called Scattered Families which gives a lot of support. Best wishes to you OP; I would reiterate that although it may feel like your daughter will not be returning, things can and do change.

The UK will only allow you to attend Uni as a domestic student eligible for loans etc if you’ve been resident in the country for 3 years prior. So that’s only open for very wealthy families who can afford international fees or for a handful who earn scholarships.

In contrast anyone with an Australian passport can attend University in Australia (or New Zealand!) and be treated as a domestic student, regardless of where they have lived.

Flights can be expensive but nice hotels definitely don’t have to cost as much as $400 (£200) a night. If you’re coming for a while look at a serviced apartment, like Quest for example, and see what long term rates are available. Hotels often have longer stay rates too. You should be able to become a named driver on your DDs car too. In Australia the vehicle is insured not the person, so you can add people easily online or by phone and it just means a slightly higher excess if they have an accident. The hassle of trying to drive a car when I’m back in the UK drives me absolutely bonkers!

It's very difficult but I think expected. Her being married so young shows she's against the grain!

Yes I would be really upset. I have DC living a few hours away and that is hard enough! However it is an adventure for them.

the world is a lot smaller now

Unless you are wealthy, there is no way to stay in nice hotels for 200 pounds a night if you are staying a month and are an average earner. You need to put expenses on top which is way beyond what most people can afford.

Serviced apartments are as expensive as hotels, and even Airbnb are expensive.

In Australia the vehicle is insured not the person, so you can add people easily online or by phone and it just means a slightly higher excess if they have an accident.

Third party insurance in Australia protects the vehicle and the people driving it against an accident against, let's say a Porshe, costing thousands to repair.You are right, the person insured need to add the OP to the vehicle, but the OP still needs to get a valid international licence. Without it, she can't drive a car, insured or not.

Regarding flights, we usually book and pay for them a year in advance (Early Birds). I don't bother with googling best deals, I go to a travel agent directly. They have the software to get the best deals possible, and some airlines have superb deals when booked early on.

The OP is looking for ways to stay close to a daughter permanently living in OZ. She's not looking for a holiday - if she has a solid relationship with DD, and time to schedule a few months in OZ, it won't cost a fortune and will love spending a few months in the Australian summer when the England the weather is the worst.

Many of us parents with kids living on the other side of the world are making it work without costing us a fortune. It takes a bit of organisation and lots of communication.

Planning to visit yearly or even 3-yearly is fine until you're older, perhaps with medical conditions, and travel insurance is prohibitively expensive or even unavailable - companies are dead against anyone having ongoing treatment or 'awaiting investigation' as we've found out. Wave them off with a hug and a big smile and visit as often as you can x

Just a few quick things - Australian car insurance differs by policy and some policies will allow unlisted as well as listed drivers (often with different excesses).

You can absolutely drive on a UK licence without an IDP as a visitor or for your first three months as a resident.

My 25 year old son, an only child, has just left home to go to Australia. I’m a single Mum, I had him in my mid forties, so I’m now over pension age. I would appreciate any advice from anyone in a similar situation.

My son emigrated to Australia when he was 26. Went on an 18 month secondment and 7 years later is now an Australian citizen.
It was heartbreaking watching him and his girlfriend leave but take heart that you’ve done a grand job as a parent raising a child who has the confidence to go off and live their life.
We’re fortunate that we can afford to go across every 18 months or so and he comes here.
We have a family WhatsApp group and share the everyday day ups and downs. We also regularly FaceTime or WhatsApp video call.

Think devastated is a bit of an overkill. There are such things as phones and aeroplanes you know

Australia has an agreement with UK for medical care you know

It’s possible to plan meet-ups in cheaper places half way between you both. I know a NZ family who used to meet their relatives on a cruise in the Caribbean - that may or may not be a cheaper option that schlepping all the way to Oz.

Might be cheap to meet somewhere like Bali / Thailand etc out of season - rent an Air BnB? Depends how much annual leave your DCs get and how they want to spend it.

I would be keen to meet more regularly, for shorter duration - even if it was was just for a week every year somewhere cheap than wait 2 years and go for 3 months to Oz. IMHO this would keep the relationship connections
stronger - little and often - much less painful than knowing you are not seeing them again for 2 years. Also could be a burden to host someone for 2-3 months and costly.

Came across this thread by accident. My 26 year old has a WHV, so we were prepared for her to go for 3 years. However circumstances changed, and she only planned to go for a month. Now she phoned and said she is staying for as long as she can, and her job is on the skills shortage list so she may stay permanently if she can. Who knows..🙄
Obviously I am proud and happy for her, but can't help feeling a bit upset, which Im not going to communicate to her, as I don't want to guilt trip her. Flights to visit can't be booked until we know her plans, and will be expensive ( also medical insurance) as DH has disabilities so would need to fly business class as he would struggle on a flight that length.
She already lived in Europe for a year at Uni, which was never an issue, as could book a cheap flight and be there in a couple of hours so saw her regularly.
Australia seems so FAR. I will settle down, and get used to it...😉, but got to admit , I'm struggling at moment.

@Brianthepugwe have a pug too :)

Honestly I probably speak to and ‘see’ my son more now than I did when he was in the next town. He is in Bali on holiday from his job at the Moment and I have had loads of updates and pictures. He has a lovely girlfriend and seems really happy. I have a feeling he may stay and my situation is similar to yours. I am disabled and it would be difficult to go but I will try at some point.

Sending love and hugs though. He is in his second year and has been home once. He has said he will fly home for Xmas (depending on work- he does a job that things can change quick) but he is earning mega money so I don’t think he will return for good. The company have agreed to sponsor him if he specialises in something related to his job.