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Original poster

My daughter has moved to Australia and she’s not coming back

267 replies

pensionsums · 03/01/2025 22:14

She’s only 26. Moved there with her husband a year ago, only for two years was the plan. Everything now changed and they’re never coming back. Aibu to be a bit upset? Would you be upset if this was you?

OP posts:
marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 03/01/2025 22:59

She's still young and nobody can see into the future.

Crazybaby123 · 03/01/2025 23:00

We have family on both sides that moved to australia and never came back. They are having great lives, we visit when we can. Extended stays either way, meet ups in the middle. The lifestyle is so much better there. Try and be excited for her, it's a great place to be.

Mumofacertainage · 03/01/2025 23:01

My friend had a daughter who married and moved to Australia. They face timed every day and visited each year apart from covid. Ten years on they moved back to uk, as a family of four, living happily close to all the family.Don’t give up hope, it is early days. If not the communications are a god send.
Must admit though, happy my two settled a few miles from me, it must be tough

dontknowwhathappens · 03/01/2025 23:01

Gymmum82 · 03/01/2025 22:44

2 of mils children live overseas long haul flights. She visits them pretty regularly and stays months at a time.

An acquaintance has just moved to Australia, their sibling lives there already, leaving her disabled mum alone here. I can’t help feeling a little sorry for the mum who’s been used to having her daughter care for her and is now left with no one

What about the daughter that was stuck being the carer!

If you feel that sad, get yourself over to her and start caring 🤣

HolyPeaches · 03/01/2025 23:03

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 03/01/2025 22:19

My dc is thinking of moving to Manchester and I'm gutted. And trying very hard to be supportive and sensible.

I lived in Manchester for 5 years between the age of 19-24. Amazing city. Amazing travel links trains/buses/airport. Your DC will love it.

JustCrow · 03/01/2025 23:04

My youngest DS moved 15 miles away a year ago and even that is too far for me. Eldest still lives with us.

I would be absolutely devastated if either of them went to Australia. In fact just the thought of it is making me want to cry 😳

BlueSky2023 · 03/01/2025 23:07

pensionsums · 03/01/2025 22:14

She’s only 26. Moved there with her husband a year ago, only for two years was the plan. Everything now changed and they’re never coming back. Aibu to be a bit upset? Would you be upset if this was you?

I would be upset aswell but they have only been there a year and they might have a very different opinion of the place in another couple of years,

Lyra87 · 03/01/2025 23:08

It's natural to feel devastated. I know I would be. As others have said, be supportive in your words and actions. They may return one day and will remember how you supported them so keep that in mind.

Birdscratch · 03/01/2025 23:08

On the inside, yes, I’d be very upset. It’s such a long way and it’s expensive to visit. I would be relentlessly positive to my DD about it though.

Xmasbaby11 · 03/01/2025 23:08

I'd be sad too, but also proud at your DD's sense of adventure.

I lived abroad a lot in my twenties - 2 European and 3 Asian countries. I loved it. Moved back to the UK age 30, now still here, 48, married with 2dc and elderly parents. I wouldn't dream of living abroad again now - but that's what I wanted at the time and I am grateful my parents never expressed any negative emotion about it, even if they felt it.

There is no way of knowing how long she will stay out there, but you have to support her and make the best of it. It's not the same but you can keep in touch so easily now - and I hope you can visit too.

TomatoSandwiches · 03/01/2025 23:09

miniaturepixieonacid · 03/01/2025 22:58

I'd be heartbroken too.

Depending on the family circumstances, I actually think it's quite selfish. Not living abroad full stop but Australia/New Zealand. It's just SO far and so expensive. Nobody needs to be that far away. You're pretty much guaranteeing to only see each other a handful of times ever again at best.

If a parent is healthy, happy, has a spouse, has other children and/or grandchildren and is able to deal with the move then I think that's very different from a parent who is struggling, very elderly, in poor health, only has one child etc. In any of the second circumstances, I don't think it's ok. My Dad died when I was a student and my mum is very dependent on me and not in good health, even though she's not that old. I would hesitate to move to another European country, never mind Australia. It just wouldn't be fair to her.

Lots of people have said that children need to be independent and live their lives. Of course they do. But they don't need to go as far away as Australia to do that.

Children should be able to live wherever they want, they shouldn't feel beholden to their parents whatever their circumstances.
I'd rather chuck myself off a tall building then make my children feel they have to consider me and my affairs when making choices for their own lives.

Why did you have children if not to raise them to feel confident to experience the world and live their life unbiden from yourself when they become adults?

Cattenberg · 03/01/2025 23:09

I’d be gutted. My neighbours’ only child moved to New Zealand in his early 20s and it looks as though he’s settled there. I don’t know if his parents would like to follow him, but I suspect they might not be eligible. They’re a nice couple and I often feel sorry for them.

One of my cousins also lives in NZ, but at least her parents, who are in their early 80s, are still fit enough to be able to visit once per year. Also, their other two adult children are still in the UK.

Toomanyemails · 03/01/2025 23:10

How are her in laws? If you have a good relationship and they might be able to host you, you could manage some longer trips.
Does she have a good support system there?
Do you have a good support system at home for you ie a community, hobbies, friends to keep your own life full without DC in immediate proximity?

Ohnonotmeagain · 03/01/2025 23:11

JustCrow · 03/01/2025 23:04

My youngest DS moved 15 miles away a year ago and even that is too far for me. Eldest still lives with us.

I would be absolutely devastated if either of them went to Australia. In fact just the thought of it is making me want to cry 😳

did you want him to live with you forever?

not sure that’s healthy. Surely you’d be happy if your kids took up opportunities further away. Or would you want them living close no matter what they had to give up?

like I said, I was excited for mine. She has an amazing opportunity that she’d never have got in the uk.

Abc1weabc1 · 03/01/2025 23:13

Openuniversity22 · 03/01/2025 22:48

💐That sounds so incredibly hard.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Could you move to Aus too?

Show quote history

It maybe an option when my mum is no longer around. It seems insane that the two people I'm closest to live on the other side of the world.

Bettergetthebunker · 03/01/2025 23:14

TomatoSandwiches · 03/01/2025 22:21

I'd think it's marvelous! What an adventure for your DD and the opportunity to visit and holiday there as well.
Try and look at the positives, our children have their own lives to lead and shouldn't be held back by their parents.

This definitely

Tumbleweed101 · 03/01/2025 23:14

Yes, I'd be outwardly encouraging but inwardly very sad if any of mine chose to do this. I think it's pretty normal to anticipate missing them, especially if it will be difficult to fund travel to visit. Hopefully you will all work out a viable solution to visit and keep in touch.

Yousay55 · 03/01/2025 23:18

I would be devastated. But, people do come back. I hope your dd does.

crackernutted · 03/01/2025 23:18

I've found that a lot of people who move to Australia end up returning some even go back again yet return to the UK eventually. It's not the dream people hope for. Don't worry I'm sure she will be back. Also she's very young, she will change as she grows.

Save up and visit whilst she still lives out there!

Branleuse · 03/01/2025 23:19

Id be delighted and excited for them for being so brave and adventurous and to do this while still young. See the world❤️
On the other hand I would really miss them, and would have hoped they would have chosen somewhere easier to get to

Prettydisgustingactually · 03/01/2025 23:20

candlerhyme · 03/01/2025 22:19

I would be devastated.

This and more! The very thought of it is unbearable.

Cattenberg · 03/01/2025 23:21

crackernutted · 03/01/2025 23:18

I've found that a lot of people who move to Australia end up returning some even go back again yet return to the UK eventually. It's not the dream people hope for. Don't worry I'm sure she will be back. Also she's very young, she will change as she grows.

Save up and visit whilst she still lives out there!

True, my colleague and her husband moved to Australia and although they loved it, they eventually moved back as they missed their family. Also, it’s a very expensive country.

cheeseismydownfall · 03/01/2025 23:23

It's completely understandable that you are very upset.

My siblings, cousins and I have all had stints living all over the world. In my experience, Australia and NZ are a completely different ball game to Europe, the US and even Asia. It's just such a long way and the time difference means your days are always out of sync when talking in the phone.

When we lived in the US it was possible to hop back home for a long weekend and visit several times a year. Within Europe you could easily be closer in terms of travelling distance than plenty of places in the UK. But Australia... it's different. A move there means a kind of severance from your old life. I'm sorry OP, it's a really hard situation.

devilspawn · 03/01/2025 23:25

I would be happy for her, it's one of the few countries in the world that has approved air quality (the UK doesn't).

Happyearlyretirement · 03/01/2025 23:26

I have a daughter out there on a 3 year visa heavily hinting she wants to stay and a son going out this year. I’m so happy my kids want to see the world and explore different opportunities and cultures. Thankfully technology means we are constantly in touch and are able to visit as travel 🧭 s much cheaper now than in the past when family immigrated you never saw them again. Embrace it, and enjoy her adventure.