My daughter has moved to Australia and she’s not coming back

[pensionsums]

She’s only 26. Moved there with her husband a year ago, only for two years was the plan. Everything now changed and they’re never coming back. Aibu to be a bit upset? Would you be upset if this was you?

Yes be Upset, but then make a plan. If she's your only one and she'll sponsor you, get your self over there to help. I'm sure she'd love it. It's all about family isn't it. It's warmer, more outside life and more free vitamin D. What's not to love. Not as expensive as here. Live longer, Good luck and go fabulous to your best life.😍

Not as far but db went to uni in Manchester 1.5 hrs away and my dm was so upset when he didn't return back to our home town.She adjusted though and now he's 42 with his own business there.

It is so much harder if your child lives near you and doesn’t want to be with you.

I’d be heartbroken tbh but i’d try to only be positive and supportive in front of her. I’d also be incredibly proud that I had raised such a confident, adventurous daughter.

I’d think yay cheap holidays.

It’s natural to be a bit upset, but we bring children up to be independent in their own right. They are their own person, and certainly shouldn’t feel obligated to not live their lives because of others.

I grew up abroad - my parents emigrated when I was a baby. My mum’s parents were furious. Accused her of taking away their grandchildren, refused to drive her to the airport.

My dad’s mum was incredibly proud, and told everyone about her son who lived abroad.

There were no mobile phones back then. They spoke maybe every few months because of the cost, and for the rest they wrote letters.

I didn’t meet any of my wider family until I was 5, and we came back when I was 21.

Admittedly I have very little of a relationship with my wider family now, my grandparents have all died, but I wouldn’t know most of my cousins if I passed them in the street.

My son is thinking of moving abroad to be with his GF who is from there, and of course I will miss him terribly. But it’s not like when i was growing up. FaceTime and zoom aren’t the same as face to face, but people are still only a text message away. Which is so much different now.

To the PP who thinks it’s selfish, so what? It’s selfish to think that. Your children weren’t brought into the world for your benefit, they were brought into the world in order to be the next generation, to be individuals in their own right, and to lead the lives they want. And yes, for some that means travelling across the world to Australia. That’s life.

I would be proud and delighted. I want my kids to suck the marrow out of life and I want to visit them all over the world.

I'd be devastated...

DS is too young to emigrate yet, but as I spent 30 years of my adult life outside my home country and DS was actually born overseas, I’d be taken aback if he didn’t want to go and explore the world like I did. All I hope is that he enjoys it.

I don't know if you meant 'general you' or me specifically but I haven't actually got any children. I just know I couldn't do it to my mum. I agree with you that they should be able to experience the world, have adventures, live away from where they grew up - I just think going as far as Australia is too extreme and not necessary. I don't think it's being 'beholden' to ensure that you stay close enough to parents to be able to a) be a regular part of their lives and b) get to them easily if and when they need you.

My son lives in Australia and is home for Christmas at the moment. Tbh I chat to him more on FaceTime now than when he lived in the next town. And you can visit :)

My relative's daughter moved to NZ in her 20's and never came back. My relative said she went through grief at her loss. Broke my heart when I found out.

Yes I would feel gutted. However, lots of my family have done this recently and it isn't as bad as I anticipated. We have Whatsapp / video chat and chat everyday almost.
We have a reunion 1 -2 times a year and we all still have a close connection because of this.
It also gives you the opportunity to travel and see family at the same time.

This happened with my sisters friend, she went for a working holiday and isn’t coming back.

I think life is too short not to go for it! If a place brings you happiness it’s worth staying.

I hope you can enjoy many lovely Australian holidays! , your feelings are valid of course. I can’t think how I’d feel in that scenario.

It's not that one thinks it's selfish, if you like your children and your grandchildren, as in massively, you'd never want to break that bond. But you wouldn't choose to go through that either or to be able to back them up if they needed it. It is a splitting of a family, fluid and adaptable I guess...

When anyone says the words “proper catch up” to me my heart sinks.

I did the same.

I'm back.

She's only 26. Shes doesn't know where she's going to be in 5 years.

Not as expensive as here?!?!?!? Food and housing are ridiculously expensive.

I’d be inconsolable. Bereft.

I didn't read everything but I was the daughter in this scenario - my husband and I moved to Scotland from the states on a 3 year visa... in 2006. We had our kids here and are now citizens and living her as permanently as I can picture. Our parents were all pretty upset and it's still hard for them.

Just remember that anything can change at any time - plenty of people move countries more than once so she might come back some day - or maybe even go somewhere else.

I'm thankful every day for FaceTime etc as none of that existed when I first moved here and that was much, much harder. At least our families can be part of our lives

In your opinion.

@pensionsums I think you should be proud that you raised a daughter who wanted to go out and explore the world and had the courage to move to a new country! Takes guts and alot of people wouldn't do it. It will be a bit of a shock but you can visit and so can she, and there's facetime, family whatsapp. Life in the UK isn't so great right now. Your daughter is smart to move!
I moved to Switzerland 5 years ago so I'm not so far from the UK and I go home 6/7 times a year for a week/10 days. My parents do of course miss me, and I miss them but they don't want me to come back (or at least never say that). They can see that my quality of life is so much better here.

Bloody hell all the Little Englanders on this thread. It’s not an act of love to cling to your kids and stifle them. It’s an act of love to let them fly with your blessing.

Puts on hard hat.

If it's any consolation a family member moved there, thought it was forever but eventually got bored that you flew 5 hours and were still in Australia, they missed european breaks, then when they were thinking about kids wanted to come back. I think at a year it is still an adventure, at 5 it may feel quite different. Still I'd use it for a trip to vist them and make the best of it. It's not much consolation, but another family member emigrated in the 60's they send reel to reel tapes back to the grandparents who had to travel out by ship, you will be able to be much more a part of any grandchildren's life than you could have been a generation or two back.

Good for you if you want to stay near your mum but having children and expecting them to stay close by and not wanting them to live their own lives is incredibly selfish if you ask me.

Most of mine live in Hong Kong and America. With the best will in the world you do not see them often. I was very lucky and saw one of my brothers every year for 20 years as he had a business trip to the UK every year paid for by his work which meant he got to see parents as well. Plus I went out about 12 times over that same period.

My brother is only a 7 hour flight but Australia it’s just so far away. The jet lag etc. I would not like it though they can do what they want.