Page 5 | My daughter has moved to Australia and she’s not coming back

pensionsums · 2025-01-03T22:14:16+00:00

She’s only 26. Moved there with her husband a year ago, only for two years was the plan. Everything now changed and they’re never coming back. Aibu to be a bit upset? Would you be upset if this was you?

Maddy70 · 03/01/2025 23:50

My daughter did something similar. Change your mindset. Be glad she is living life to the max. What more do we want,,?

iamnotalemon · 03/01/2025 23:51

CrocsNotDocs · 03/01/2025 23:48

Bloody hell all the Little Englanders on this thread. It’s not an act of love to cling to your kids and stifle them. It’s an act of love to let them fly with your blessing.

Puts on hard hat.

Completely agree with you.

RockOrAHardplace · 03/01/2025 23:51

Ohnonotmeagain · 03/01/2025 22:26

Where are you that Manchester seems so incredibly far? Surely it’s just a train ride and you can visit?

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Its obvious why @NotbloodyGivingupYet is struggling with the idea,* *Its a whole new world Manchester, other side of the border...they don't know their bread cake from their balms or oven bottoms. A whole foreign language to come to terms with.😉😂

OliveThe0therReindeer · 03/01/2025 23:51

Pigeonqueen · 03/01/2025 22:16

I would be devastated like most parents would, I’m sure. But I guess I’d try to hide that and find a way to have as best a relationship as I could with them somehow. It’s incredibly difficult though.

This.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 03/01/2025 23:51

My son is just in the stage of getting permanent residency hopefly, lodged on shore. It has been his dream for more than a decade.
I hope he achieves his dream, we will go there (all being well) next September for 3 months.
There is nothing in the UK, we will become a non Christian country within a couple of decades (figures dont lie).
I want the best for my son and I hope he fulfills his dream.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/01/2025 23:51

YANBU - it is a massive loss.

But I'm from Ireland, I live in London. My parents have siblings in various countries and I have more cousins in the US and Australia than I do in Ireland. My SIL's son is out in Australia "for a few years" and I know she dreads him not coming back, but would also be happy if he found such an excellent life there that he wasn't tempted to come back. And as for my cousins and friends in Ireland, many have spouses and partners from elsewhere. It is just the way the world is for most of us, and has been for many years.

Lifesd · 03/01/2025 23:52

I’d be pleased for my children - you raise them
to follow their dreams and spread their wings. I’d be horrified to be honest if they spent all their life in one place round the corner from me. All this hand wringing about it being “so far away” it’s 24 hours out of your life on a flight for gods sake and yes economy is pretty grim but stick a few movies on and power through. The UK is so unbelievably grim right now and is set to get much worse so they are undeniably better off down under.

saraclara · 03/01/2025 23:52

you want your children to be happy but it would be so much more lovely if they were happy near you

Exactly!

Nearly all of my lovely in-law family emigrated to Australia. Six sibling cousins of my DH, one after the other. After the sixth went, so did their mum!

The first time my late DH and I went out to visit them (in our mid 20s) MIL had seemed really excited about our holiday. When we got back, she asked all about it, and then "so do you think you'd want to live there?"
We replied that no, we wouldn't want to emigrate. I've never seen relief flow through someone's body so visibly. Stupidly it had never occurred to us that she'd be worried that we might join them.

Florawest · 03/01/2025 23:53

Yes it’s very tough and I feel for you, lots of grown children do it, my son 29 is off to Australia mid January, feel lump in my throat thinking about it, his girlfriend is Australian, met here in Ireland and she has gone back (work), so my son is heading over, I am v sad, will miss him the only good positive is his girlfriend is a wonderful young lady, it’s hard we are planning ( single parent) youngest and I to go out this Christmas some serious budgeting to be done, don’t think I can drive him to the airport the weepies will be too bad, happy for him and his new adventures and I will get used to it, such is life embrace the changes cos we can’t do anything about them.

Try and be positive with your daughter, save the moans and sadness chat for your friends.

Big hugs

NattyTurtle59 · 03/01/2025 23:54

Of course you can be upset OP, as long as you keep it from your DD and try to see things from her point of view. When my ancestors left their homeland there was no going back and no visiting from family, ever, so just think how lucky we are these days, when there are easy ways to stay in touch, and people can travel back and forth between countries. Be happy for your daughter.

Jinglesomeoftheway · 03/01/2025 23:54

@pensionsums How do you know she's never coming back, what's changed?

Tuftykitten · 03/01/2025 23:54

They might feel different if they have kids and then realise that they have no support system.
Property is really expensive there too.

I hope they like it hot because Australia is at the sharp end of global warming and people there are going to suffer greatly in the future.

I'd wish them well but I would also start looking after me now. Leave them to it. I bet they'll be home within 10 years.

iamnotalemon · 03/01/2025 23:54

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 03/01/2025 23:51

My son is just in the stage of getting permanent residency hopefly, lodged on shore. It has been his dream for more than a decade.
I hope he achieves his dream, we will go there (all being well) next September for 3 months.
There is nothing in the UK, we will become a non Christian country within a couple of decades (figures dont lie).
I want the best for my son and I hope he fulfills his dream.

Well you'll fit in in Australia with that racist attitude

BruFord · 03/01/2025 23:55

@NotOneOfTheInCrowd Different families have different “norms” as well. Both my immediate family and most of DH’s seem to have the wanderlust and moved around, (including internationally) for various job opportunities, especially in their 20’s and 30’s.

I’m completely expecting my teenagers to live elsewhere, especially DD. She’s already going to university a 3.5 hour plane ride away-still in the US, but she wanted to experience living in a completely different part of the country. Some people just have that adventurous urge, it’s hard for parents, but they’re happy.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/01/2025 23:56

I’d be horrified to be honest if they spent all their life in one place round the corner from me.

Actually I wouldn't, unless I lived in a shithole, in which case I wouldn't stay there anyway. I used to share that view but the older I get, and especially since having a child, I realise that you lose as much by moving away from family and your own culture permanently as you gain. There is nothing wrong with staying put if everything you need is there.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/01/2025 23:56

TomatoSandwiches · 03/01/2025 22:21

I'd think it's marvelous! What an adventure for your DD and the opportunity to visit and holiday there as well.
Try and look at the positives, our children have their own lives to lead and shouldn't be held back by their parents.

Tell me you’ve never had to do this without telling me you’ve never had to do this.

i would be gutted gutted too @pensionsums Like you id do the whole “pleased for you “ schtik. But I would be heartbroken.

Undrugged · 03/01/2025 23:58

I’d be absolutely heartbroken if mine did this, and I lived overseas myself in the past. It’s not just the connections to their parents, but also their wider family.

Europe, absolutely fine.
aus… it’s such a long way, the flights are very expensive, the time zones are back to front with here, and once you have kids there with a partner, you are stuck there until your kids are adults. Aus does not permit kids to be taken away from their ordinary residence by one parent should the relationship break down. And it is pretty strict on family reunion visas.

artohmyletmehelp · 04/01/2025 00:00

StormingNorman · 03/01/2025 23:44

Not as expensive as here?!?!?!? Food and housing are ridiculously expensive.

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Depends where you live, and they are much better paid. Especially if you're going to do one of their in demand roles...

Undrugged · 04/01/2025 00:00

iamnotalemon · 03/01/2025 23:54

Well you'll fit in in Australia with that racist attitude

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This has the ring of truth. I found the racism in Aus very hard to deal with.

artohmyletmehelp · 04/01/2025 00:02

Undrugged · 03/01/2025 23:58

I’d be absolutely heartbroken if mine did this, and I lived overseas myself in the past. It’s not just the connections to their parents, but also their wider family.

Europe, absolutely fine.
aus… it’s such a long way, the flights are very expensive, the time zones are back to front with here, and once you have kids there with a partner, you are stuck there until your kids are adults. Aus does not permit kids to be taken away from their ordinary residence by one parent should the relationship break down. And it is pretty strict on family reunion visas.

Oh that's rough, I'd hate it...

NattyTurtle59 · 04/01/2025 00:02

Franjipanl8r · 03/01/2025 22:39

She’s so young. In 10 years time she could have split from her DH and be back home single and sad and wondering what she’s going to do with life! Just be happy she’s happy and healthy for now.

What a strange attitude

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 04/01/2025 00:03

Love how so many pp have said it's only a flight away! Maybe op hasn't got a spare few grand to fly to the other side of the world? Or like my mum, not in good enough health to? Or doesn't want/can't use all her annual leave used up on such a trip.

Of course you are allowed to be sad op, l think most people would be too.

And to the pp who said she would hate for her kids to stay just around the corner well that's exactly what l have done and l still travel loads but am able to be here for my elderly widowed mother, pretty sure she is glad.

CherrySocks · 04/01/2025 00:04

Yes I would be upset OP. I wonder how many people answering are in their 20s and how many have adult children? Moving so far away from one's family is like a statement that they feel no obligation to maintain family connections - no intention of getting together for Christmases, anniversaries, birthdays, feel no value for the role of grandparents, no concern for giving practical help to one's parents, basically as though family doesn't matter.

Icanflyhigh · 04/01/2025 00:04

I think I'd be upset definitely, and devastated that sue was so far away but also immensely happy for her that she's following her dream and living her life to the fullest doing what makes her happy.
She's a plane ride away, and with video calls etc, it doesn't have to feel so far away x

Undrugged · 04/01/2025 00:05

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 03/01/2025 23:51

My son is just in the stage of getting permanent residency hopefly, lodged on shore. It has been his dream for more than a decade.
I hope he achieves his dream, we will go there (all being well) next September for 3 months.
There is nothing in the UK, we will become a non Christian country within a couple of decades (figures dont lie).
I want the best for my son and I hope he fulfills his dream.

do you see no paradox in your son moving freely around the globe and you going to Aus for 3 months, yet at the same time bemoaning the fact the uk is becoming “non Christian”?You know who the indigenous inhabitants of Australia were right? And that they were very much non-Christian?

I am checking as well that you’re aware of the current religious and ethnic makeup of Aus otherwise you could be in for a bit of a shock 😂