Greeting partner at the door when returns from work

[nextwed14]

Do you greet your husband/partner at the door when they return from work?? I am usually busy cooking dinner or tidying up when he comes home so I usually carry on doing what I am doing rather than meet him in the hallway. He says I am cold towards him and he would love me to leave what I am doing to greet him as he walks in the door after a busy day at work. I would never expect him to do that to me and would find it weird if he did.

I am finding him becoming very needy lately whereas I am the opposite and have never been quite as needy for affection and attention.

@Lolapusht "I assume he’s in his 70s and comes from the older generation because that nonsense is incredibly old fashioned and completely out of order."

Oh, stop being so bloody ageist.

Maybe it is needy and maybe that’s what he needs. It’s not like he’s asking for her to take off his shoes and give him a foot massage and follow it up with a blow job is it? He’s asking to be acknowledged when he comes home because he feels lonely. If this was a woman we would be saying, “what a pig! He doesn’t make any effort to acknowledge your existence. LTB! You deserve better.”

Im sure if they communicated better they could come to a happy compromise. She could say, “I want to give you a hug and greet you when you come home but I’m usually busy in the kitchen, so could you come there when you get back and I’ll give you a hug there?”

Some old fashioned things are quite nice. I don’t think he’s asking too much and I don’t think it’s too much of an effort either. I would expect the same in return if I was the one returning home. It’s not about gender, it’s about being welcoming to your spouse. Maybe so many marriages wouldn’t end in divorce if people listened to each other and showing just a little bit of care and understanding. He’s voiced that he’s lonely, he’s asking for a little bit of TLC. I don’t think that’s too much to ask or to give.

DH and I are the most affectionate couple our friends know. Married in our 40s, really aware how good life is together. We always say goodbye to each other at the door, but when one of us comes home we just call Hello to each other.

Back in the 50s and 60s, was it more common for there to be only one front-door key, so the SAHM had to let DH in?

When our children were little, DP used to do a special whistle and the children and the dog used to run and greet him. He still does the whistle and if I hear him I stick my head out of wherever I am and shout hello. But I don't put a how in my hair and rush to make him a martini.....

Before kids yes. Big hug and brief chat before he went up to change. I was usually home before him and he said he loved coming around the corner seeing the lights on knowing I was home. He did the same to me if for some reason I came after him (he would cook dinner then too).
Then post kids I'd either have them in the bath at the top of the house or tucking them in to bed (he passed away when they were 4 and 6) as he got home between 7.30-8. He'd then come up to say good night to kiddos.

I'm seeing both sides here. On the one hand, it can be a real inconvenience to drop everything when he comes in - those onions will go from golden to charcoal in 30 seconds flat or if you're wrangling toddlers, leaving them the instant he comes in is possibly not a great idea.

On the other hand, those little attentions (from both sides, not just the DW) make all the difference. It's what we're looking at when in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, what we base our decision of whether to stay or go on. Am I being treated right? Yes, this person ticks the boxes (solvent, no addiction, etc), but they are a given. It's the extras that count.

Currently going through a bit of a renaissance with DP (we don't live together), it's the' little things, like a random meme popped through, the tea brought in the morning, etc, that is putting a smile on my face. But it's all give and take so no-one is always pandering to the other.

Gettin back to OP, though, would it really kill him to come and find you? To find you to get his validation? I agree that if he's expecting you to stand by the door when you come in (while dinner and children burn), that's ridiculous. He can act like a grown up and find you

But this is about more than just going/ not going to the door, OP. He loves you and wants to feel loved. As PP have suggested, why not find a bit of couple time you can enjoy together?

When DH comes home if I am watching TV or listening to a podcast I will mute it in order to have a quick catch up with him. I wouldn't go to the front door though - although I might shout Hi when I first hear him come in.

He sounds like a bit of a needy nightmare to be honest with you, do you actually fancy him?

My DH opens the front door for me as I always have 2 bags with me

We text to let the other one know we’re almost home and whoever is in the house will unlock the front door and possibly make a cuppa.

Only meet the person at the door if they have bags of shopping or takeaway food etc.

I can understand how someone might feel invisible if no one looks up to say good morning at the office, no one says bye and no one says hello when they get home.
i would find it a bit suffocating as i need to decompress for a few minutes and get comfy before I’m ready to chat, but if it makes him feel loved then it’s not a huge ask

My husband used to do this to me. He was taught by his mother. His wife, visitors, kids, anybody. He should greet in the hallway and welcome them into the house, take any bags off ladies or the coats off visitors before offering a drink.

DROVE ME INSANE.

Ive just got in from work/shopping/school run/hike with my bestie. Let me in!! Get out of my way, i will make my own drink but for god sake let me get sorted myself! And don't get me started on his compulsion to remove any bag of anything from my actual hand. If anybody has had their finger caught in a handle whilst it's being passionately yanked from the same hand in a misguided act of chivalry, you will understand.

Doesn't do it with me now, but i can still see his manly tattooed and bearded frame, hanging around in the hallway through the glass of the front door whenever i pull up with anybody not on the council tax records at our address!!

Hold your ground OP! Its 2024 and we have stuff to do ffs!

No, i think he’d be quite alarmed coming in to find me stood in the hallway in the dark at 5am, everyone is sleeping.

He’s asking for something simple he would like to make him feel loved though? I think I’d oblige and whizz to give him a quick peck/hug

The dog runs to DH when he gets home. It's dog level devotion to do that. I give an enthusiastic hello from where I am when he gets to me. If I was upstairs I'd prob come down but I'm never really sitting upstairs.

I do remember him coming home drunk once and as I was in a mood with him and he was chatting the ear off to the taxi, I came out to check he had money and tried to hide my annoyed face. Once driver confirmed he had paid I walked back in. He didn't realise what was going on but when he walked in he said it was so sweet that both me and the dog had come to greet him. I almost didn't have the heart to tell him that I thought he was so useless I was just checking the taxi driver was ok. He's never said anything so soppy or been such a sap sober.

But he does think the dog loves him more than I do. Because he runs to him. He's eat him if he died and would forget him in a week. He's lovely honestly but a little odd.

Sometimes I do but it's mainly because we have a dog and he gets so excited when anyone comes to the door

The dogs greet my husband first, I give him a peck on the cheek. I never used to, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve become a bit of a softie 🤪

Different dynamic but I expect my children to come down from their room and say hello when I get home. Sometimes though I go up to them, and wouldn't expect my partner to meet me at the door, though sometimes he does.

We don't go to the door, but whoever has come home will seek the other one out and say hello and have a kiss. We do the same when one of us goes out.
Happily married for 22 years, so we must be doing something right 😍

From experience it sounds like he is pulling away himself - he's finding things to nit-pick over rather than just walking in the door and being happy he is home. I had this and was also told I was not "grateful enough" although it was not ever explained what I should have been overly grateful for. Mine came off antidepressants around this time then fell apart expecting me to pick up the pieces for him after having a miscarriage. Have you been needing his support of late? He sounds like he is self destructing rather than giving you anything extra.

Haha first thing I thought was ffs it's not the 1950's last I checked!
If I was to do that my husband would think 1. What's wrong with her? 2. What's she after?

DH and I are pleased to see each other so we normally shout out a hi and gravitate to one another for a quick peck and a chat. Sometime I go to him in the hallway and sometimes he comes to find me. If I’m cooking, I’ll shout to come and get a snack while I finish up and we’ll have some olives or nuts and chat. It’s just easy.

Seems like you do all the food shopping, cooking and admin too. Why? What does he actually contribute apart from being a needy prick.

I think it's rude to completely ignore someone when they come in

Well I think probably most people would agree, but no-one is suggesting that.

I think it it pretty normal for the person arriving home to go and put their things down / take coat off / maybe take shoes off and find slippers / maybe nip to the toilet, and then for the person who has arrived home to go to the person who is in the house doing something - be that wfh, or be that cooking tea, or whatever other task they might be doing, and greet each other at that point.

Which is completely different from bounding down to the front door, dropping your work call, or burning what you are sautéing, overwhelming your partner who hasn't had time to get their coat off.