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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Greeting partner at the door when returns from work

217 replies

nextwed14 · 20/12/2024 19:29

Do you greet your husband/partner at the door when they return from work?? I am usually busy cooking dinner or tidying up when he comes home so I usually carry on doing what I am doing rather than meet him in the hallway. He says I am cold towards him and he would love me to leave what I am doing to greet him as he walks in the door after a busy day at work. I would never expect him to do that to me and would find it weird if he did.

I am finding him becoming very needy lately whereas I am the opposite and have never been quite as needy for affection and attention.

OP posts:
DianaRiggsCatsuit · 21/12/2024 00:35

@nextwed14
Does he want you to have his pipe and slippers ready?

Toenailz · 21/12/2024 00:40

My other half and I both go to the door for a quick kiss and a hug when the other comes in from work, unless we're tied up with something that can't be left. The dogs often get involved too.

I don't need it, by any stretch of the imagination, but it's appreciated to know the households missed my presence. Perhaps that's coming from an unfair position though, because I'm already on the receiving end of it, haven't needed to ask for it and then been met with a shit response.

Men do appreciate affection too, and it's perfectly reasonable for him to communicate what particular actions make him feel this way, and if he's needing more affection - his emotional needs are absolutely important and valid, too. Although if you follow mumsnets advice, a man ever asking for anything is expectant, demanding, creepy and out of order.

The mans asking you for a bit of affection, and communicated a tiny wee gesture that would take less than 30 seconds out of your day, to do.

It's honestly really no wonder some people cheat when they're going home to spouses who see their arse over things like this. I'd probably do it too if I was faced with this level of coldness and, quite frankly, completely unnecessary bitchiness. He hasn't asked you to take it up the arse - he's asked you for a gesture of affection and welcome home. Hardly the crime of the fucking century.

Like other posters suggested, it's clear you don't really even like the man from how you talk about him.

RitaIncognita · 21/12/2024 00:45

I assume he’s in his 70s and comes from the older generation because that nonsense is incredibly old fashioned and completely out of order.

70s? No, this kind of expectation is definitely not a Baby Boomer generation thing.

Mangocity · 21/12/2024 00:53

If this is what matters to him, why wouldn't you do it? If it matters to be I would expect my husband to do it unless there was a reason why it was arduous. It's easy to do. A good marriage is hard. This is low hanging fruit. If this is what love looks like to him, then there you have it.

TammyJones · 21/12/2024 02:17

Toenailz · 21/12/2024 00:40

My other half and I both go to the door for a quick kiss and a hug when the other comes in from work, unless we're tied up with something that can't be left. The dogs often get involved too.

I don't need it, by any stretch of the imagination, but it's appreciated to know the households missed my presence. Perhaps that's coming from an unfair position though, because I'm already on the receiving end of it, haven't needed to ask for it and then been met with a shit response.

Men do appreciate affection too, and it's perfectly reasonable for him to communicate what particular actions make him feel this way, and if he's needing more affection - his emotional needs are absolutely important and valid, too. Although if you follow mumsnets advice, a man ever asking for anything is expectant, demanding, creepy and out of order.

The mans asking you for a bit of affection, and communicated a tiny wee gesture that would take less than 30 seconds out of your day, to do.

It's honestly really no wonder some people cheat when they're going home to spouses who see their arse over things like this. I'd probably do it too if I was faced with this level of coldness and, quite frankly, completely unnecessary bitchiness. He hasn't asked you to take it up the arse - he's asked you for a gesture of affection and welcome home. Hardly the crime of the fucking century.

Like other posters suggested, it's clear you don't really even like the man from how you talk about him.

Well put.
A little bit of love goes a long way.
All these posters banging on about 1950's - will be 'blindside' when dh finds someone else, who is pleased to see him when he comes home.

And as for all the 'you're not a dog comments '
Why do you think the dogs rushed to the door when their 'person ' comes home?
Because they love them and are really pleased to see this person. They are happy

Garlicwest · 21/12/2024 02:32

FGS! If he feels all lonely 😭 when he he comes in the house, why the hell doesn't HE come and say hello to YOU? You're busy, he's just standing there. What a wuss.

You could get one of those door sensors and have Alexa say "Good evening, darling, how was your day? Hang your coat up, then go and see @nextwed14 in the kitchen, she's waiting for you!"

Incompleteshock · 21/12/2024 02:44

Looks like I might be in a minority here but I WFH and husband usually rings me when he’s out of work and I time it so that I’ve a cup of tea ready for us both when he comes home. He usually comes in through the kitchen back door, lifts the toddler to greet him then, gives me a kiss and then we go have a cuppa together before we do housework, gym, general life etc.

NotVeryFunny · 21/12/2024 03:34

I actually think there's something else going on here. For some reason (and you yourself describe this as a change in him) he is feeling unloved or lonely or similar. This isn't about being treated at the door. I also think it's not just about you, but also the children getting older and pulling away, which many parents find really hard.

I think it's mean that you are describing him as needy in this context. Everyone wants to feel loved and maybe there's a good reason he doesn't (we can't possibly know your relationship from the little you've said). But it sounds to me he didn't really know what to ask for so is asking fur things he thinks will improve things for him. Perhaps dig a bit into what is actually is gong on and find out if he's feeling unloved and explore what would work for both of you to improve that. It's very easy in modern times to get caught up in life and end up giving very little attention and care to each other. One thing that also happens is that if he is feeling unloved, reaches out to you and you perceive this as "needy" or "clingy" or "needing you more than you need him" then you will start to pull away, which will make him feel more unloved and then you get a vicious cycle. You need to get to a point where both of your needs are considered.

Not saying this applies to you as this is a change in your husband and not something that's always been there, but some resources on anxious-avoidant attachment relationships might be helpful to restore some balance.

KhakiOrca · 21/12/2024 04:16

I greet my OH always, mostly I pick him up from the station and drop him off too. He likes to feel appreciated after a long day at work. I didn’t do this with my ex though and he left me for someone who did .

PickledPurplePickle · 21/12/2024 04:18

This is very odd, but then we both work from home

Thinking back though, when one or both of us worked outside the house, on arriving home we would go and find the other one when we came in to say Hi

Definitely no greeting at the door

BigDahliaFan · 21/12/2024 04:40

I sometimes feel a bit unloved if I've come in and dh is sitting on the sofa watching telly or whatever and I don't get a hi. Or if he's come in and doesn't poke his head round the door of the kitchen or sitting room to say hi.

So I can kind of see where your husband is coming from.

But usually we will do a quick hug or a hello at least.

Enthusiastic greeting with presents is definitely the dog's job,

I'm with other posters here saying you kind of need to think about this one and how you are showing you love him.

Sevenwondersofthewoo · 21/12/2024 05:03

For the poster saying he’ll cheat cos of not saying hello at the door behave that's not why they cheat.

i don’t meet mine at the door fuck off it’s bloody freezing the now and I never have either.

if I’m home he’ll come in and go to the toilet first then greet me in the kitchen as that’s where I usually am. If not in he’ll make a snack and phone me asking if I need a lift back (don’t drive) I usually don’t.

still both working

MsNik · 21/12/2024 05:16

I always greet my wife when she comes home, and vice versa. Just our natural way of being with each other.

muddyford · 21/12/2024 05:47

When DH worked, I would usually go to the hall - I gave him room to take his coat and shoes off. If I didn't hear him come in he always put his head round the door.

Wells37 · 21/12/2024 08:07

I think it's rude to completely ignore someone when they come in. Me and my husband both come and say hello to each other and ask if our days been ok. At least shout hi out each other !
I wouldn't ignore my kids when they come in so why would I ignore my husband ? It goes both ways though, I would expect him to come ask me about my day.

Sugarcoldturkey · 21/12/2024 08:08

My DP and I both do this, I quite like it. I want him to ask about my day, share any news, give each other a kiss.

It's absolutely fine if that's not your cup of tea, but I don't think it's fair to dismiss your DH as "needy", OP. Contempt is a very bad sign in any relationship.

The fact is he would feel cared for if you greeted him at the door. You might, for example, feel cared for if you come home to a clean kitchen. We're all different.

It's okay to be needy in a relationship. We all have needs, we're human. If you can't meet his emotional need for connection in the way he's requested, tell him so, and perhaps suggest something else e.g. he can come find you and you'll take 5 minutes to chat about the day etc.

Bettyboo111 · 21/12/2024 08:14

We have a good morning and evening routines. We even have sex when one of arrives home... And before work.
Sometimes.

Upstartled · 21/12/2024 08:23

No, I just yell out hello as the door opens from wherever I am and wait for a hello back to hear which of my family are home. Whoever is returning home usually seeks out the person in the house for a chat.

Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee · 21/12/2024 08:30

CaptainBeanThief · 20/12/2024 20:34

Aww this is sad,
When m/ my husband come in or out we have a kiss and a cuddle.
I thought this was normal? I'm not afraid to say I do miss him when he's at work. I'm disabled so I don't work ( don't come at me pitchfork brigade) and I love it when he comes in and gives me a kiss and a cuddle and I go and make him a brew.

I’m honestly surprised at how many people don’t take the time to greet their other half and see this as being ‘pathetic’ or ‘needy’. It’s the little things and acts of kindness in relationships that makes and keep them strong IMO. It sounds like most people are living with housemates rather than partners

MessyNeate · 21/12/2024 08:50

I do! But DH works away for a few months at a time, so I'm excited to see him when his taxi pulls onto the drive and I go out to help him with his bags and cases :)

Oreyt · 21/12/2024 08:53

Fuck that. I don't greet him when he's been away for 6 months.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 21/12/2024 08:58

Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee · 21/12/2024 08:30

I’m honestly surprised at how many people don’t take the time to greet their other half and see this as being ‘pathetic’ or ‘needy’. It’s the little things and acts of kindness in relationships that makes and keep them strong IMO. It sounds like most people are living with housemates rather than partners

I don’t think it’s needy & pathetic, it’s often just not practical when I’m working at home to leave a meeting or a call to say hello to DH. I do it after I’ve finished call/meeting same as he does for me

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/12/2024 09:15

Yes whoever came in would go to the other and give them a kiss and say hello

But I wouldn't be waiting at the door

Betchyaby · 21/12/2024 09:16

I'm a housewife, when DH gets in from work we have a kiss, mutual how was your day etc but I'd never greet him at the door, he has a key to let himself in! Your DH will be wanting his coat and shoes removing next.

AuntieMarys · 21/12/2024 09:17

I always come to the door when dh comes in from work and give him a kiss. He does the same to me.