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Original poster

adult daughter stops us from going away

247 replies

Circedee · 19/12/2024 23:57

My adult 24 year daughter stops me and her father from going away on our own . We have always had family holidays . Now the children are grown up finished Uni . Working . Still living at home . However sadly no boyfriends or girlfriends yet. We want to go away , travel and talk about trips . But she won’t let me she says "I can’t believe you would consider leaving me at home on my own and going away not inviting me for a whole week or two". She makes me feel guilty and so we don’t go away ever . What have I created , a monster ! I’m so sad .

OP posts:
Porkyporkchop · 19/12/2024 23:59

Tell her to grow up and sort herself out. She is not a baby. She is being ridiculous, stop allowing this to happen and tell her you are going away without her.

Mashroom · 20/12/2024 00:00

Ridiculous behaviour but you are enabling it! Just go

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/12/2024 00:00

She’s not stopping you, you’re placating her and deciding not to go. Of course you can holiday however you like. If she complains suggest it’s time she moves out and builds her own life. I assume she never goes away without you but if you lived apart you could both do what you like freely.

RestYeMerryGentlewomen · 20/12/2024 00:03

Don’t be a doormat !

PickledElectricity · 20/12/2024 00:03

Is she serious or teasing you? Is everything ok in the attic?

Obviously the solution is to book a holiday and let her know you're going away 1-2 weeks max before you do, to limit whining time.

Original poster
Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

OP posts:
Elizo · 20/12/2024 00:04

Circedee · 19/12/2024 23:57

My adult 24 year daughter stops me and her father from going away on our own . We have always had family holidays . Now the children are grown up finished Uni . Working . Still living at home . However sadly no boyfriends or girlfriends yet. We want to go away , travel and talk about trips . But she won’t let me she says "I can’t believe you would consider leaving me at home on my own and going away not inviting me for a whole week or two". She makes me feel guilty and so we don’t go away ever . What have I created , a monster ! I’m so sad .

Just go. She has to grow up. Snatching your independence might help her

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/12/2024 00:04

She’s not a child.

IamSmarticus · 20/12/2024 00:04

What do you mean "she won't let me"? She can't stop you!

She is a fully grown adult now, more than capable of looking after herself for a couple of weeks. Stop letting her control what you do and get a holiday booked fgs.

greenose · 20/12/2024 00:05

She's not a child i had child and had bought my own home at her age

Wek · 20/12/2024 00:05

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

24 isn’t a child

Moonlightstars · 20/12/2024 00:06

Well it's embarrassing for all of you. She needs to grow up
As you are finding it hard start off with regular long weekends away.

Anoisagusaris · 20/12/2024 00:06

She’s not stopping you. You are stopping you.

JemOfAWoman · 20/12/2024 00:07

She's not a child though is she? She's 25! I appreciate you want to do your best for your daughter (and what parent doesn't) but you are enabling her to manipulate you. She needs to understand that you are not responsible for her happiness.
Don't be manipulated by her, if you do this will be the rest of your lives!

Sahmwet · 20/12/2024 00:07

Mine went away without me from when I was 16.
You need to book your holiday and she needs to grow up.

PickledElectricity · 20/12/2024 00:08

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

That's quite a drip feed.

Does your daughter have additional needs, mental health issues/depression? Does she have a history of harming herself or do you have reason to believe that she might?

I'd it just her living with you or are you other children living there too?

GreyCarpet · 20/12/2024 00:09

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

But she's an adult?

It's about time she grew up...

The others right right. She isn't stopping you. You are choosing not to go.

FictionalCharacter · 20/12/2024 00:10

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

She isn't a vulnerable child, she's a young adult, capable of getting through university and holding down a job, and she's manipulating you. This isn't how young people are these days, it's her, and the fact that you give in to her demands.

AlwaysFreezing · 20/12/2024 00:11

What's your day to day life like?

How does she contribute to the household?

Maray1967 · 20/12/2024 00:12

She’s bullying you!!! I have a DS24 - if he tried that line with me he would get nowhere!

Einaldilastcup · 20/12/2024 00:12

Tbh OP, you’ve created this yourself. You’ve probably stunted her emotional maturity and prevented her from growing up. As an adult she’s going to most likely struggle with huge entitlement issues and struggle to have healthy relationships. If she becomes a mother then she will most likely be self absorbed and unable to look after the child emotional needs proper.

You should read ‘they fuck you up’ by Oliver James.

Ponderingwindow · 20/12/2024 00:20

If her mental health is that bad, then she needs to go talk to her GP.

a 24 yo stuck living with her parents should relish a week of independence, even if you all genuinely enjoy the living situation.

Copperoliverbear · 20/12/2024 00:21

Your daughter doesn't stop you, you stop yourself because you allow her spoilt bratty behaviour to control you, book a holiday for your husband and yourself and tell you daughter, she is not coming and she needs to grow up and stand on her own two feet, otherwise she can move out.
I can't believe you are letting and adult child control your life.

CandyLeBonBon · 20/12/2024 00:21

Unless she's neurodivergent or in some way vulnerable you're absolutely pandering to her. I gave a nearly 23 y/o but he's autistic and has zero common sense, is very rigid and doesn't cope well in unexpected situations in spite of my best efforts to help him with strategies, but even he can be left for a night, possibly two, in the right circumstances and with the right preparation.

You need to deal with this and stop infantilising her.

Scutterbug · 20/12/2024 00:26

Just go! She’s well old enough to live independently and she’s actually lucky she lives in a home where she doesn’t have to worry about adulting (I bet even if she pays rent you organise all bill payments etc).