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Original poster

adult daughter stops us from going away

247 replies

Circedee · 19/12/2024 23:57

My adult 24 year daughter stops me and her father from going away on our own . We have always had family holidays . Now the children are grown up finished Uni . Working . Still living at home . However sadly no boyfriends or girlfriends yet. We want to go away , travel and talk about trips . But she won’t let me she says "I can’t believe you would consider leaving me at home on my own and going away not inviting me for a whole week or two". She makes me feel guilty and so we don’t go away ever . What have I created , a monster ! I’m so sad .

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 20/12/2024 02:49

Jesus wept... go on a trip, go away, if she tries that shit tell her she's welcome to take her own holidays, you'll be taking yours.

If she carries it on, ask her if she is in fact a toddler?!

She'll be fine. She wants you to take her with, nice free holiday, or to not go if you won't do that. Shes perfectly capable, just fucking manipulative and doesn't see you as an adult in your own right with your own life to lead.

The only way she is going to learn that you are an adult with your own life is when you bloody show her!

Onthemaintrunkline · 20/12/2024 02:50

If you don’t make a stand now and go away by yourselves, this daughter of yours will still be calling the tune when she’s 34!

2021x · 20/12/2024 02:51

She isn’t stopping you, you are just worried about her doing something in retaliation.

If she partakes in harmful behaviour when you’re away, she is still responsible for it because she is 24. You going b holiday isn’t going to stop that behaviour.

Book a holiday for week, leave a note and turn your phones off and enjoy. She isn’t a kid or even a teenager. If she has extra needs arrange for a carer. But you can go on holiday.

ForGreyKoala · 20/12/2024 03:03

She's not a child, she's an adult and it's surely time she started behaving as one. She's not stopping you from doing anything, you are the one doing that. Just tell her you are going and off you go. I had been working full-time for 8 years by the time I was 24, and was more than capable of staying at home by myself. Honestly OP, you need to put your foot down over this, or where will it end?

Schreechingtantrums · 20/12/2024 04:07

Just go. She’ll survive.

Fraaances · 20/12/2024 04:17

Good grief.... You're enabling this. What do you mean she MAKES you....? Tell her to get a life. She's 24 not two. Let her know that you are entitled to some adult time without her. You are her parent, not her friend. She needs to do friend things with her friends and you and your DH need to do adult things with each other. What a buzzkill.

Codlingmoths · 20/12/2024 04:23

Let me edit your title: ‘I let adult daughter tell me I can’t go on holiday without her’
I mean, she says ‘I can’t believe you’d leave me here’ - don’t you say why on earth not? Are there any other 24yos in the uk whose parents cant leave them at home alone? Remember when you turned 18? Then 22? And now you can boil the kettle and have a job? You’re an adult, and it is quite strange for adult children to always accompany their parents on holidays. Your dad and I were a couple before we had you and we’ve booked a holiday together and will be gone two weeks. Have a good time!

Flopsythebunny · 20/12/2024 04:24

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

She isn't a child

ChristmasinBrighton · 20/12/2024 04:38

Doesn’t she have friends she can holiday with or go on her own? I was travelling around Kenya alone at her age. Not having a partner is irrelevant.

Justwant2sit · 20/12/2024 04:44

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

Children ( she’s an adult by the way ) seem more vulnerable because they make smallish demands and see them being given consideration… and then go bigger and bigger on the demand till we get to this.

either your adult child has severe mental health issues in which case my sympathies but then she and you are deserving of help and support and treatment ( and she needs help that you may be unqualified to give)
OR your adult child is trying it on and if you have reached the limit then now if the time to say no.

Beesandhoney123 · 20/12/2024 04:47

She wants a free holiday and you sound worried she will trash the house.
She doesn't need a partner to leave home or go on holiday.

There are plenty of holidays for singles out there, adventure ones etc, She could book and pay for one of those.

She doesn't like the idea of you two having fun. She should be saying go! Enjoy! Not 'what about meeeeee!!! ?'

Are you both affectionate with each other in front of her? Or doesn't she like that either?

She needs to move out. Doesn't she have friends to house share with?

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 20/12/2024 04:50

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

Only the ones who were mollycoddled through childhood. My 19 and 20yos are out in the world being adults and taking care of their own affairs, as they were raised to do.

That's not to say I am not a loving doting mum, I'm always here for advice and support but they don't need it to function.

buttonousmaximous · 20/12/2024 04:54

I'd probably still do a family holiday and include her but then do a break just the two of you.

Zita60 · 20/12/2024 05:04

If she has mental health issues, then they need to be addressed. It may be that she genuinely can’t be left alone. Even so, with the right support, it might be possible to go away for a shorter period of time.

If she doesn’t have mental health issues, or is simply anxious because she’s not used to being alone at home, then I’d suggest starting with a weekend away.

Is it possible to have short holiday with her, and then another one without her?

Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee · 20/12/2024 05:26

Circedee · 19/12/2024 23:57

My adult 24 year daughter stops me and her father from going away on our own . We have always had family holidays . Now the children are grown up finished Uni . Working . Still living at home . However sadly no boyfriends or girlfriends yet. We want to go away , travel and talk about trips . But she won’t let me she says "I can’t believe you would consider leaving me at home on my own and going away not inviting me for a whole week or two". She makes me feel guilty and so we don’t go away ever . What have I created , a monster ! I’m so sad .

This is the most pathetic thing I’ve read on mumsnet. Ever

muddyford · 20/12/2024 05:27

Yes, you have created a monster. She is effectively holding you hostage with your connivance. Get a grip

thepariscrimefiles · 20/12/2024 05:32

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

She's an adult though, not a child. Is she capable of looking after herself while you are away or is it just because she wants to come on your holidays with you?

It does seem odd that someone who has been to University and is working sounds so dependent on her parents. Did she live away from home while at University?

Yessssssscxxx · 20/12/2024 05:33

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

For goodness sake shes 24!!!

Stop being a doormat.

I moved out when I was 21!

Tell her to get a grip.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/12/2024 05:34

Tell her that you and your husband want to have sex five times a day to make up for the fact that you've not been away as a couple since before she was born.

Starlight7080 · 20/12/2024 05:42

Just go if you don't this will continue. It's not good for her to give in to these demands.
She will be fine . She has siblings.

Just tell her the kitchen will be stocked and it will be nice for them to have some time in the house without parents.
Once you have done it once she will see it was fine .
Just try a long weekend first

Onelifeonly · 20/12/2024 05:45

We have a 24 year old that lives at home. She generally doesn't like the kind of holidays we now go on now we don't plan them round our children's needs anymore. She has been staying home for a few years. At first she wouid arrange for someone to come to stay for at least part of the time (bf when she had one, friend, cousin) but this summer she stayed home alone for 10 days (she was invited on the holiday as it happens but didn't want to come).

If you are afraid to leave her, I think you should look at ways of building this up gradually. Eg go for a short break, arrange for her to have someone to stay or to stay elewhere. She will get used to it.

Our issue is with our 19 year old - although she is a good travelling companion, we need to cut the apron strings a bit. Luckily she now has a long term boyfriend, and we have left her for a few days.

TinyMouseTheatre · 20/12/2024 05:48

If you are concerned about her MH if you go away, what support is she currently receiving?

yipyipyop · 20/12/2024 05:50

I'd have loved my parents away for a couple of weeks when I lived at home. Stop pandering to her. She's not a child.

Aposterhasnoname · 20/12/2024 05:54

Circedee · 20/12/2024 00:03

I am worried if I leave her after what she said to me what about her mental stability and Children seem more vulnerable these days .

Good job she’s not a child then.

TakeMyBreadAway · 20/12/2024 05:56

If you pander to her, your entire life will be controlled by her.

Look up Borderline Personality Disorder.