If you're an older woman (say 45+) do you feel invisible?

[Wordau]

Just wondering if you feel "invisible" as the trope goes or whether the tide is changing? And who are you invisible to - everyone or just certain people?

And if you feel invisible is it shaming, or liberating for you?

Interested to hear what others have to say before I offer my own perspective!

Are you talking about feeling invisible in general or in terms of being a sexually attractive woman?
I'm 50. In general, I don't feel at all invisible. I find the vast majority of people are friendly and kind to me. I'm always treated with respect. I really haven't noticed any change in how people treat me.
In terms of being a sexually attractive woman and how men react to me - again I haven't noticed a huge change. I'm fairly nice looking but not exceptionally so. I was never the sort the woman who'd get a lot of attention walking down the street. I imagine you might start to feel invisible if you were a head-turning woman to begin with but I never was. Maybe I got a tiny bit more attention when younger but really it makes no difference to me.

Invisible as I walk down the street, yes. It's an absolute godsend!

At work, due to my career stage, I've become a lot more visible recently. There is definitely a tide turning at work where middle-aged women are coming to the fore and running the show.

I'm happy with that, I feel that any visibility I have now is for my achievements not because the worst kind of salivating men can't keep their disgusting thoughts to themselves.

But slightly taking exception to the description of a woman "over 45" as an "older woman"!

67
No.
I haven't been old before (in this lifetime) so I don't know if attitudes have changed or not. I think young lads might be more up for it with older women nowadays. Or maybe I just didn't see that before because I was younger.

Nope - never have - hopefully never will. I am older than that!

I’m 40s and I would say reasonably attractive.

I went to the bar in the pub this weekend. I was waiting & not being served. Two bar tenders (one male and one female didn’t notice me.

A man came up and stood next to me, immediately got served. I had to point out to both this man and the bar tender that I existed and was waiting to be served. It was literally like I was actually invisible.

Oh and this has happened more than once, just giving one example!!

No. But I've never relied on my looks to get me what I want.

I'm sexually invisible which I'm completely fine with. I've never been especially physically attractive so it's not been any kind of shock.

I don't think I'm ignored in any situation where I wouldn't want to be ignored, ie at work, socially, going about my day in society - again, since I've rarely had attention from randoms (for good or ill) due to sexual attraction, then I wouldn't notice the lack of it.

I was waiting & not being served. Two bar tenders (one male and one female didn’t notice me.

That's a pet peeve of mine but I put it down to a general malaise on the part of the bartender. I worked for the best part of a decade in pubs and bars and I considered it a key part of my role to keep an eye on the queue and make sure I served people in the right order.

As for feeling invisible (I'm 53), not really but I'm not a shrinking violet so I suppose that might have something to do with it.

As @GCAcademic said - I feel very visible for my accomplishments. It’s liberating and empowering walking into a room and knowing my appearance is the least important thing I’m bringing to the table because I have so much wisdom, experience and knowledge. Appearance wise, I look fine I think. I can afford better clothes and more expensive makeup but find I dress for myself now rather than to get attention which is nice. What I find is the less I care about being visible as I age, the more people seem to be attracted to me, or want to get to know me or seek me out. I feel my confidence and losing the need to please or prove myself has made me more visible than I ever was.

I can afford better clothes and more expensive makeup but find I dress for myself now

Yes this too. Today I'm off up to London shopping with DH and I'm wearing my favourite jeans, a gorgeous pair of blue leather boots and my All Saints leather jacket. I look bloody amazing if I do say so myself!!

Invisible in what sense? Sexually attractive to men and then letting us know or in the work place in general?

@SallyWD hit the mail on the head, if you’re a head turner in your early 20’s then you will probably feel it more than the average woman, who isn’t ’stunning’ and normal like most of us.

The tide has also changed though regarding whether it’s ok or not to wolf whistle for example or shout sexually explicit language at women merely walking past. These days I think a group of work men would be far more unlikely to do that in compassion to the late 90’s/early naughties, where it was almost a right of passage,

Yup! I could stroll through airport security if I wanted... I honestly believe that.

I'm 55 and feel almost invisible now to men. But when I was young, I was stunning, as in men would stop me in the street, or if I was clubbing, I'd be approached by over 20 men a night. So the contrast is immense. I am not stared at any more. How do I feel about it? I'm not really sure. I still dress up and I think I look good for 55, that's about all I can do really. Luckily, I am happily married. If I wasn't it might bother me more.

I'm not invisible to everyone, no. I don't suppose young people notice me, I'm quite unremarkable. But I'm not ignored at work, people seem to enjoy my company, I sometimes get compliments from women on what I'm wearing, and men my own age and older sometimes look at me in what I assume is vague appreciation.

45, older?! Ffs

I'm nearly 60 and got hit on in a pub the other day, ok he'd had a drink but he told me I was really fit which I know I shouldn't have found pleasing but I secretly did!

I've never been chased or paid much attention so can't say I've noticed. I'm very smiley and so generally feel as visible as ever tbh

Yes, and it's wonderful. Why on earth would it be "shaming"? If other people aren't bothered about me, then I don't have to bother about them. Definitely liberating!

@Crestinvr I think being smiley is important here! I posted a minute ago that I always get treated kindly wherever I go. People are just nice and friendly to me and I do feel this is because I'm generally smiley and friendly myself. People react to it. Human interaction is a two way process - if you feel people are unfriendly to you, think about how you come across to them. We're not blank slates, people respond to our facial expressions and behaviour.

Yep as in regards men and sexual attention. I don't care because I don't like men in general anyway . The less I have to deal with them the better.

No i don't, but invisible to who? I have a few more grey hairs that is about it

Not at 45 but at 60 , it’s great. You can walk past a group of men and they won’t notice. I don’t think they act as badly these day anyway.

No. Not at all. 49.

Nope - early 50s here, feel just a visible as I ever did. I have the status of a well paid senior role and the confidence of a middle class woman of a certain age which defiantly helps though.

Less visible than I used to be, but not completely invisible at 55. More people could see me after I lost a couple of stone.

Sexually invisible becuase I purposely now put out an energy of don't even look at me arsehole. It has taken this long to perfect and is my favourite thing about aging.
Professionally, no, not invisible and in fact professionally more visible.
Visible walking down the street, really depends on what I am wearing and the energy I have that day. I can be invisible if I wish, if I want to be more visible then I can dress and conduct myself differently.
When I am out and about people are usually kind and friendly to me, although there are some absolute arses out there. Generally people will lend a hand and a smile.
I think aging has allowed me the experience to master my invisbility cloak.