If you're an older woman (say 45+) do you feel invisible?

[Wordau]

Just wondering if you feel "invisible" as the trope goes or whether the tide is changing? And who are you invisible to - everyone or just certain people?

And if you feel invisible is it shaming, or liberating for you?

Interested to hear what others have to say before I offer my own perspective!

I actually feel more visible as I have gotten older, but the annoying pestering I got as a younger woman has definitely stopped. I was talking to a woman in her early 20s who was telling me how she was wearing AirPods at the traffic lights and some old bloke was trying to talk to her, so she took them out to listen and it turned out to be some cheesy pickup line. When she told me that story I had flashbacks to what it was like at her age constantly trying to avoid attention. So in conclusion I feel more visible but less pestered

I suppose when I was younger I got wolf whistled when out running etc. and I don’t now. Also my life is different, I was single in my 20s and early 30s, whereas now I am married with kids and work from home a lot - maybe it is would be more obvious in a like for like context

Agree, a good bar tender keeps an eye on who is next, a good customer if they get served out of turn will be mortified and tell said bartender that you were first. If neither of those things happen then it’s encumbent on you to say I think I was next.

This - it happened to me by late 30s when I was drowning in the many small children stage. In my teens, twenties and pre children-30s I was used to being noticed by random, male strangers on the street, in bars etc. I’m not stunning but would have known I had some sort of sex appeal in my youth. Then in the middle of the drudgery that I experienced with small children I became aware that I had no longer the sort of attractiveness that men noticed. It hit me hard! And it did feel like I had become invisible. Luckily I got my mojo back by the time I hit 50, aided I suspect by hrt. I feel great now and no longer invisible- despite not getting the attention I got when I was younger. Post-menopausal confidence is definitely a thing!

I feel totally invisible since I got diagnosed with cancer last year. I had long blonde hair and lost it all after going through chemo. My hair is growing back but I look like a scarecrow. Eighteen months ago I was good looking, I’m 48.

I've always been invisible, so there's been no difference for me

I’m 69 and don’t feel invisible.

Yes, I feel invisible and i hate it. I am a professionally successful, attractive and well-kept 53 yo - i make alot of effort to make the best of myself. Outside of work, i feel passed by, like i have no identity outside of being someone's mum, its miserable. I worry that i'll never have sex again. Men my age want to (and can) date women in their early 40s. I didn't realise I would be as envious of my younger self at this stage in my life..

No, absolutely not , I take up all the space , and I can't think of anything I did in my 30s that I don't do now ,
I've never really cared about what strangers In the street think of me.
Invisible me? NO

No, not at all.

Not something I've ever heard from colleagues, relatives, friends or other peers too.

Why would we be?

I noticed in my forties that it takes a lot longer to get served at a bar.

I'm 48.
Professionally definitely not feeling invisible at all
With men, possibly I'm invisible but to be fair most men over 55 don't get a 2nd glance from me either.

Seeing as how I've spent pretty much my entire life invisible at five feet one with a soft voice I can't say I notice the difference much.

I do enjoy being able to be very sharp tongued when necessary though.

As I have become more senior at work, I certainly feel less visible due to juniorisation of banking/finance - as someone in my 40s I am one of the oldest employees. I think male colleagues or others in banking at this age feel the same.
In real life, I still look early to mid 30s (mix of genes, exercise, skincare etc) so attract the same level of attention as before. However, I have a few mid 40s friends who despite being attractive look their age and they complain about loss of and lack of attention they enjoyed when younger. I am not sure this is simply a female issue since my male friends and acquaintances fret about their greying hair and physique in the same way.
@mustardseedandmoonshire - how many of your male peers are actually fit and attractive enough to date women in their 40s? It is all wishful thinking and OLD mentality.

Sexually invisible to men? Yes, which doesn't bother me in the slightest. Otherwise, not at all, no.

Most of the time I'm dressed down in a hoodie, glasses, no make up and probably am invisible to most - this suits me fine as I find most people exhausting and couldn't care less what anyone thinks of me. I love that bit about getting older!
However on the weekend I was out with some similarly aged girlfriends, we had all made an effort, looked great and definitely turned heads. It's nice to have options.

I've never been someone who was noticed a lot - by I'm fine with that. I'm small and fairly unremarkable looking. What matters to me is that I'm noticed once I start speaking - I care not a jot for what people think of the way I look. Your question is pretty strange to me because I think it's only an issue for people who get attention for their physical appearance and worry about (or look forward to) it stopping.

@TheYearOfSmallThings
Omg I get that some days. Literally queues of people asking me stuff. So weird I am luckily very opinionated and I read alot so I know quite a few things or think I do.
And other days people walk into me. After two men did that at Canada Water station I said loudly to the second one " If I've turned invisible over night I'm off to rob a gold vault bugger work."

I'm in my 60's and am embracing "elegance is the beauty that never fades", per Audrey Hepburn. I think it's style really, just that hers was very elegant.

A friend visited recently a very old aunt who has had an interesting life. When much younger said aunt went to a party where Dame Edith Sitwell was present. Apparently aunt was absolutely terrified and went nowhere near her, but DES was the focus of all attention, because of her style and her presence.

Being older and being invisible do not need to go together, unless you want them to.

I’ve never been the subject of sexual attention from men but they’ve always acknowledged my presence, head turns in the street and always when I’d enter a room. Now it’s like I’m invisible and I’m only 41. Work is a nightmare as I work in finance and if you’re not a senior man / bright young thing then you’re ignored there too.

I'm 56 and can't quite remember when I first noticed it, but it is a thing.

Yes. At the workplace, to men and even to my husband.

Invisible.
Young people at work ignore me and another older woman.

I’m 52 and I definitely don’t feel invisible. I’m objectively attractive though 😬

The only time I felt invisible (or comparatively so) was when I had new babies and was out and about with them. You do get a lot of attention when you have a bump and I really noticed people were no longer looking at me or striking up chats in queues etc. If they noticed me at all, it’d be to look at the baby.

But I seem to be older than most people on this thread at 62.