If you're an older woman (say 45+) do you feel invisible?

[Wordau]

Just wondering if you feel "invisible" as the trope goes or whether the tide is changing? And who are you invisible to - everyone or just certain people?

And if you feel invisible is it shaming, or liberating for you?

Interested to hear what others have to say before I offer my own perspective!

Tan leather, knee length, high block heel, vaguely sixties styling. Whenever I pair them with something above knee length, I think men clock the pins before anything else. I have very similar boots in black that don’t have the same effect at all.

Actually when younger I would be ignored in pubs but now I get served! I am not a frequent visitor just occasionally for a lunch.

Not at all bothered by lack of male interest - although some still look!

I get offered seats on the bus all the time now. Slightly peeved as I thought I looked younger, but my creaking body lets me down!!

I am 52 and I would say it's changed but now a lot of it is down to me.
At work I am very visible. I in quite a senior role, I am very gregarious and get invited on nights out. I mostly work with men. Some are very flirty, although in a respectful way, which is really nice.

I chat to people all the time on the train, etc and have had men stare/smile etc... it is different from when I was younger but now I feel it does tally with how gregarious I feel on the day. I still feel attractive to men though. Maybe I am not and it's all in my head though lol 😆 😅

I am never ignored in pubs or restaurants. I am no shrinking violet and I make sure I get service.

Echoing others - I don’t get ignored ordering drinks etc mostly because now I’m older I can afford nicer places with table service 😂 they are very keen to let us buy expensive wine and cocktails

I'd love to know what job you do!! 😂

My company is very young (20's) but it's the older ones that have the respect! Even the young directors look up to the older people even though they're officially less senior.

Reading this thread, it seems like invisibility is more a feeling of low self-esteem/uncertainness? But most women seem to get more confident as they age. Or, maybe they are invisible initially, but won't allow themselves to be invisible because they barge right in 😂

Nothing remotely related to any of these questions! These are things random people asked me on one short visit to Leyton Millls retail park the other day.

@user98786 It has nothing to do with low self esteem. It was a shock when I first started realising young people at work were taking me less seriously.

People will often ask women in their forties and fifties things in public. We are seen as non threatening and friendly, but not old enough yet to have cognitive decline.

I'm early 50s. I am much more visible professionally and I'm loving that. I feel confident and happy at work and have been taking the opportunity to do public speaking and to give presentations this year. So good.

Personally, as in walking down the road? I'm quite glad not to attract attention from men any more.

I'm 55 and don't feel any less visible than I used to. Well... when I was in my teens/20s I used to get people telling me I was ugly, and they don't do that any more - I guess they don't expect me to glow with youthful beauty! But I do get attention, perhaps as I'm taller than a lot of women my age, and fairly slim. Can't be because of my face! I go out dancing with friends and still get asked if I want a drink by strange men. I don't get overlooked in a queue either - again probably as I'm tall. And yes, at my age it seems people are more likely to strike up a conversation randomly in public.

@Berlinlover I hope you get your mojo back soon

I'm similar to you in that I had mostly negative attention in my teens and twenties from blokes, I've no idea why as I was very slim with a good figure until recently due to health issues. Maybe men prefer plumper women but I was relieved I didn't get leered at etc as I'd have felt very embarrassed as I was very shy in my younger years.

I'm 58. Definitely not invisible.

So the people you work with are ageist? I'm 50 and I feel I'm taken very seriously by the younger people. I feel respected. I also respect my older colleagues. I work with a man who's 75 and he's highly respected as an expert in his field.

@SallyWD - I think it really depends on the industry you are in. Banking/finance is heavily skewed towards people in their 20s/30s, most people over 50 are often being asked to retire or move into consulting roles. So someone in their 40s is at the upper end of the age range. In academia or civil service or even medicine, people continue working well into their 60s or even 70s, so someone aged 45+ may be more respected in their field or taken seriously. I have 20+ years of experience and my colleagues with 5-10 years of experience aren’t taking me or my peers very seriously I would say.

I got a lot of attention when I was young & younger than I am now at age 58. I don't think I'm overlooked now, (not ignored in shops, etc), but I don't get the looks or comments that I used to. I hated being bothered by all that anyway. I definitely noticed the change when it started, but I accepted that it's just how it is, no problem.

By the way, I wasn't a catwalk model, just a very attractive woman, (not my words nor my thoughts).

I'm 53. No I don't feel invisible at all. I was never aware of a lot of sexual attention from strangers, so that's not changed. I get more attention and respect at work than I used to. I feel like I've become one of the "elders" and people come to me for advice and general support. I've noticed that people in the street smile at me much more than they used to - I think I look more relaxed and open and friendly these days. If anythng, I probably find it easier to get served in pubs, restaurants etc. And once every few months or so a random person (of any age, gender) tells me how much they like my hair (it's unusually curly). So that's nice!

@occhiazzurri loads of my male friends/colleagues date/marry women 10-15 years younger than them. Which you don't see happen the other way round very often. Its depressing - its the first time in my life i've been aware of a really disparity between the sexes

@mustardseedandmoonshire - when it goes for dating that wouldn’t surprise me if those friends/colleagues offer a desirable lifestyle to the younger women or are very attractive or successful. My single girlfriends have tended to date men 10 years younger and so have I, but this hasn’t necessarily led to marriage. I actually have more examples of women being married to a younger partner than the other way round but that’s probably an aberration. From my perspective, I don’t need anyone to support my lifestyle so I am not prepared to date someone closer to your age but I can imagine other women feel differently if they don’t have a similar career.

Banking/finance is heavily skewed towards people in their 20s/30s, most people over 50 are often being asked to retire or move into consulting roles.

Even if the person is senior e.g. Managing Director and above?

I doubt most older men get attention. In the street I do not notice most men. I will notice tall and fairly good looking ones though of any age, well not elderly ones but anything from 10 years older than me to young men. I might not say anything but I definitely notice.

But is that with a view to have children?

I'm 65 and retired, and no, I've never felt invisible in my life. People say Hello when I walk down the street - even young men (just in a friendly way).

No. Depends what you mean? Invisible how?If it’s no longer turn heads as a decoration? Yes. Invisible that way - TF and it’s liberating.
Not invisible at all in all the ways that really matter though. Being an older confident woman is great. It’s much better than 20s or 30s. Knowing many others like that is a privilege too.
Intellect. Humour. Kindness. Those are how we should be making our mark and those traits are ageless.