If you're an older woman (say 45+) do you feel invisible?

[Wordau]

Just wondering if you feel "invisible" as the trope goes or whether the tide is changing? And who are you invisible to - everyone or just certain people?

And if you feel invisible is it shaming, or liberating for you?

Interested to hear what others have to say before I offer my own perspective!

50 next year and no, absolutely not. If anything, feel more visible and seen than ever before, and dare I say it, memorable - people always remember me.

Invisibility can be a useful tool.

Early 60s, a bit tubby & grey-haired, and yes fairly invisible except for work. I also really like it as it makes many of my favourite pastimes - travel, wandering around cities, going to galleries and people watching - so much easier. It was a real shock to the system when I went to India a few weeks ago and people started approaching me when I was out and about - I'd entirely forgotten how to deal with it...

No, not really. I feel like people give me a lot of respect and time for my views and opinions and have time for me both socially and professionally.

Do I get catcalled walking down the street now? No. I don't miss it! I do find people still look - more surreptitiously, and more than once. I get polite and respectful compliments not sexual innuendos and flirting- because what would be the point anyway? A 49 year old is likely married or in a relationship. You might chance your arm at someone in their 20s being single and available.

I actually like being ever so slightly intimidating, and when I was younger I felt people underestimated me and thought that butter wouldn't melt because I was young/blonde/pretty/female/quiet/whatever- at their peril, as I haven't ever really been a pushover, even if I seemed it.

Not because I am not friendly, lack a sense of humour or am rude or look particularly scary, but because I'm more forthright, confident and assertive. I feel like people are listening to me and taking me seriously and that's important, and far more important than how attractive I am.

This is a really uplifting thread. I'm pleased that so many women are having very positive experiences of middle age.

No. I feel like me. Mostly tediously noticeable.

I'm interested in your questions and the responses you'll get, I'm well beyond 45 and have never felt invisible, so have struggled to understand when people have mentioned that this happens to 'older' women.

In my workplace I feel respected and very visible. In my friendships and husband / children / family I feel very visible. In my hobbies I feel part of the team and like I matter.

In comparison to a younger women, perhaps there's less male attention when I walk down the street, but that's only a good thing (and I'm not even sure how the attention compares - I'm not looking for it so wouldn't notice even if someone gave me a second glance).

No, not in any sense. Ive never felt invisible and nothing has changed since I got a bit older. I find it an odd concept - if I wasn’t invisible before why would I be now? A few grey hairs? Fuck that, I think it’s mostly attitude anyway, and I intend to rock 60, and 70 as I rock 50, lol.

No. My class pay attention to me when I am teaching. I chat to people as I go out and about in my daily life. No change in the decades of living adult life.

I've never understood this type of question.

Invisible to who, and where, and in what way?

The idea is that once women are no longer at their peak of youth and fertility, they become invisible because they're less desirable to men. I'm 50 and haven't noticed any difference in the way I'm treated. I imagine it's something only experienced by women who were very beautiful in their youth. They probably notice a difference in how men react to them as they age.
However, as this thread has proved - many women notice no difference, many women enjoy getting less attention from men, they are a million different important ways to be noticed and visible, being attractive to random male strangers, is not important to most middle aged women.

Not sure if invisible is the right word but it I do feel like my opinion carries less weight and there is less "point" to me.

I'm 47 and haven't experienced feeling invisible sexually as I think I always have been, and honestly from all I've heard I haven't missed anything!

I was never unattractive I think, I just spent my teens and 20s with cropped very short hair, not dressed in a very feminine way and while a few blokes found me very attractive, I was of zero interest to your average bloke on the street. And thank God for that.

My husband still finds me very attractive, which is lovely but I don't have and have never had any desire to be particularly noticeable to men.

No not at all. 55 and probably the most visible I have been since I was a teenager. I have the money for good clothes and self care now.

I’m so glad to be invisible now. My teens and 20s were shit - being beeped at by van drivers, newspaper sellers telling me to smile for them, men grabbing my tits, just generally feeling watched and observed all the time. It was creepy AF. I only realised how bad it was when it had stopped and I looked back at it from the position of glorious invisibility that is frumpy middle age.

These days I’m the responsible and sensible person who everyone needing directions chooses to approach in the street because I’m not intimidating and I look trustworthy 😂
I don’t mind that kind of visibility. Happy to help!

Thanks for so many replies!

My question wasn't really just about being invisible to men.

I work in an industry that's typically quite "young" and I feel like I'm seen as out of touch or ageing out.

I have too struggled to get served at a bar much more than when I was younger.

People seem less likely to help me out.

I was never typically very attractive and this is from men and women I would say.

In other situations however I feel like I'm probably taken more seriously.

And I quite like not having men leering at me.

I am 55 and visible to the people who love me.
Got lots of attention in my younger years and very much enjoyed it at the time. But to me the best compliments I ever received were from other women.
I still get those now and again as I still like to dress well when the occasion calls for it.
Out and about, I am entirely invisible and it is absolutely freeing. I think I stopped getting noticed in my mid 40’s and it was a bit odd at first.
I do look at social media and think I’m so glad I didn’t have to endure it in my younger years. I did experience a bit of bitchiness, but the trolling and nastiness now I’d have found tough.
I am the same age as Jennifer Lopez and I think part of her job is to be visible. She works very, very hard on her appearance I will give her that, and she’s gorgeous, but I do think the need to still be sexy must be a pressure.
The last time I was abroad I was in Italy in a place where whole families were out of an evening. The grandmas were at the back and the beautiful teenagers were at the front and I thought it was fabulous.

Hmm, not that I notice really, although I am quite a vague head in the clouds sort of person. I've never noticed anyone blanking me or not serving me or owt like that.
I've not been grabbed or wolf whistled at for a couple of decades (I'm 47).

I don't feel invisible at 49.
Maybe people don't notice me I have no idea as usually I'm just going about my business.
I don't really look my age and have a good figure and I'm not invisible to older men around my age.

It wouldn't bother me at all if I was ignored in favour of a young woman this is their time now I've had my time of being young

I'm 52 and look maybe eight years younger although this varies a lot according to how tired I am. I usually wear makeup and dress up. I'm treated very nicely and I think that's because I'm smiley and well-groomed. I'm described as very pretty but that's mostly down to makeup so I start the day looking pretty and end it looking dreadful. I hate going out looking rubbish because my interactions with people are different and a bit confusing. I only know how to act when I look certain way.

Sexually, I'm not really interested (no hormones) so it's really difficult to say if men are interested. I get the odd loony following me around because they're encouraged by the smiles. Women are nicer to me now because I dress nicely, but not to attract men. Plus, not many women are going to be intimidated by a 5'1, 52 year old woman.

I think one of the positives about being older is how much nicer women are to each other.

Id say I get so many more compliments from other middle aged women now about my clothes and general style. Older women have much less hesitation in saying to another woman ‘you look great’

Hmmmm.... I am late 50s.
People don't crash into me. I'm not that invisible.

I feel invisible to teenagers in UK. I first noticed that when I was about 30, though. Teenagers only see other teenagers socially, everyone else is barely noticed.

I have a new habit (phone game) and I am pleased that everyone in public is on their phones & I do not stand out at all, I fit right in, with my nose in my phone. Is that a kind of invisibility? That I fit in very well with all the phone zombies ? Phew.

In poor countries where I was the only white person around & I got called out to a lot by taxi drivers (on bicycles & mopeds, btw); that's just because they were looking for business, is all, was not threatening. I had to say I was a crazy tourist who preferred to walk... And I got called out to by very poor women who were literally hungry: "Bobo, bobo!" they'd say. Which I think means "Food!? food!?". That was just plain sad experience. Not invisible to them, either.

I don't miss the annoying attention of random blokes in pubs, that's for sure. And I have found that in the workplace, ageing has had considerable advantages as not only do people take me more seriously, I have much less tolerance for bullshit.

It's much easier now I am no longer young, slim and blonde. I don't get treated like an air-headed bimbo any more.

I started to feel a bit old when I worked somewhere where most people were at least ten years older than me. The answer is to work somewhere with a lot more mature people. Now I feel quite young!

My sister is 40 adult child im 38 with a adult child all moved out and we're having a whale of a time.
More now as we are more confident than what we was back in the day.
Yes we have a few grays popping in but who cares.
Embrace life.