If you're an older woman (say 45+) do you feel invisible?

[Wordau]

Just wondering if you feel "invisible" as the trope goes or whether the tide is changing? And who are you invisible to - everyone or just certain people?

And if you feel invisible is it shaming, or liberating for you?

Interested to hear what others have to say before I offer my own perspective!

Like a PP Ithink i've mastered the 'leave me alone arseholes' thing which I absolutely love. I don't feel invisible though.

I honestly don't understand this invisibility thing people talk about..
I feel more visible as I age, people talk to me more, from young to old. I feel part of the adult world, more seen than ever, more confident than ever. Strangers talk to me so much more. I feel like I've unlocked the world! Men (and women) still stare at me, chat me up, beep horns, infact more than ever. Might be a confidence thing as I was insecure when younger. My mum and females in my family have said the same, they felt more visible as they aged, more taken seriously.
The only thing that's changed is perverted men who only like really young women stay away and that's only a positive.

@coldcallerbaiter in the younger woman/older man relationships that i have observed, the women want children and the men go along with it. The men often already have older children from their 1st marriage but the sexy new young wife wants her own (and fair enough), so he starts a second family. See it all the time.
@occhiazzurri i am professionally successful and don't need anyone to support me. I'm just aware that men my own age seem to go for women at least 10 years younger - and why not? I haven't noticed early/mid-40s mens dating older than them, but i'll take heart from your and your friends experiences that plenty do.

@mustardseedandmoonshire - yes, I can see how if you are amongst the 1% earners you can afford to have a second family with a younger partner, given you can afford plenty of childcare etc, and you are effectively giving that younger partner a lifestyle they can’t otherwise afford. But I think this is truly confined to a small % of relatively high earners, given the cost of living. I also know a few couples where the younger woman then left the 10-15+ years older husband when he got close to retirement and the women were still in their 40s. Now I appreciate that doesn’t give any comfort to anyone looking to date these men but it is not all fun and games for them in the long run.

My friends are early 40s and dating/getting married to men in their 30s, early/mid40s professional men seem to be just getting out of divorced with young kids and don’t have time for anything remotely serious.

I rarely see older man younger women in real life and I'm out and about all over the place in my job and general life. People are with others their age. I read about it sometimes on here and I see it in films and shows a lot and hoping it gets less and less.

Hell NO !

Never

Look at Iris Apfel

I'm well into my 70's and getting exactly the attention I want from men - opened doors, offered seats, help with luggage (all in the last week). What other attention would I want or need?

I was attractive but shy, from 14 to mid 20s, men would make comments to me passing on street, tooting and pulling over in cars to offer me a lift, builders calling out, 30+ thought I was invisible until I went to bars and still got chatted up until early 40s. Im 45, I still get glances occasionally but I’m left alone, happy to be more invisible, occasionally get hit on through work, I’m worried for my daughter hoping men’s attitudes to women and girls have changed since I was 14, the amount of pervy grown men was shocking.

I’m invisible to most young people - I know I am, because the youngsters at work keep calling me Susie. Susie is the other older woman at work - she’s a good 10 years older than I am, and we look nothing alike, but to the kids we are indistinguishable.

I was annoyed by this until I realised that I can’t tell any of the kids at work apart and see them all as a homogeneous blob of youth and angst.

I’m very much not invisible to women and men of my age and older though.

46, no I don't feel invisible in any way.

I feel my teenage sons prefer me to be mumsy, so I tend to be modest around them and their friends.

I notice their and their teenage friends emerging body confidence and awareness. They send me some of their day to day activity shots, there is a lot of smouldering teenage pics 🤣🤣🤣. Posers!

Ultimately I don't feel invisible, and I also purposefully try to not take up space when engaging with the next generation.

I feel my age at face to face work get togethers, it's a young company, I feel thoroughly middle aged compared to them (which I am). I also don't care, and am usually trying to make a quick exit to get my bus home.

Last year ALL of the senior leadership team were gone to a 2 day funeral, and the young(er) employees were coming to me and telling me I was the "Mum' while all the directors were gone 🤣🤣😅. I m only 10 years older than some of them (or less). You have to laugh.

No, I don’t feel invisible except sometimes when trying to get served in a bar - but then, I’m a short-arse!

I like the fact that people talk to
me more. I have had several interesting conversations with young men on long bus or train journeys. They see me I think as non- threatening non-scary mum category and it’s been a revelation how sweet they really are in a time when there’s lots of reasons to think that so many are porn addled, Tate admiring, work shy louts. I was shown phone photos of a 19 year old’s ( he told me!) dog, garden table he’d put together from IKEA and new girlfriend just the other day on the bus 😁. It’s funny to me because I never managed to strike up these kinds of interactions when younger.

I'm 53. Like other posters, I feel invisible sexually to men, but I'm absolutely fine with that, in spite of having been reasonably attractive in my youth. At work I don't feel invisible at all, but then I work in a particularly female-dominated workplace in an already female-dominated sector. It's true that the men in my sector and in my workplace are disproportionately highly rated and promoted though.

Not especially, but I don’t care. I don’t want male attention, either.

yea definitely invisible, it’s extremely different to being young for me. Men used to treat me very differently. I prefer it now actually. I’m not invisible in any other way. Just far less unwanted attention.

I have dipped in and out of visibility to males depending on my weight and tiredness level for the past 10 years, but now my hair is grey I am firmly invisible to them and wildly less rated at work, sadly. One really nice thing is that other grey haired women in their 50s and 60s have started talking to me, and I do find older women better company generally.

It's quite interesting as I've had periods of feeling invisible throughout my life, anything from teens to late 50's. I've only just realised it's attitude that makes the difference. I've spent a whole lot of my life suffering from depression and am now taking AD permanently. I was told once by a Doctor that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain and for some people it means staying on AD's to prevent a dip.
When I'm feeling 'not depressed' I feel like I'm not ignored. If that makes sense. My outlook it a lot brighter, smiley, cheerful, in your face sometimes, lol.
So, yeah, I think how you feel inside is reflected in your interactions outside, with other people.

50. Don’t feel invisible. Just knackered! Get a lot of good interactions through work - work-wise can’t really be ignored. Enjoy not being a decoration though and all the crap that can come with being a younger woman. So happy to not be considered in that way. As you say, that’s liberating.

I haven’t noticed any difference tbh

I have been getting this since my twenties! Think it might be because of my matronly bosom.

Sometimes I have panicked and given an answer to the question asked - dread to think what the consequences have been.

Same for me. I really really hope we are the last generation that says that, but...

This is very true.

I’m not quite in your target audience as I’m 43, but I’ve noticed that I get more looks in the street and compliments (from men and women) now than I did when I was in my late 20s/early 30s.

I’m also a size 18 (when younger I was a size 14-16).

So kind of the opposite of what people might expect…

I found I became invisible when I had kids. I became a Mum and lost myself. I saw a massive change in people’s perception and expectations of me changed. Took a lot of getting used to. Now my dc are young adults I’m finding myself again