If you're an older woman (say 45+) do you feel invisible?

[Wordau]

Just wondering if you feel "invisible" as the trope goes or whether the tide is changing? And who are you invisible to - everyone or just certain people?

And if you feel invisible is it shaming, or liberating for you?

Interested to hear what others have to say before I offer my own perspective!

Can I ask why you think that is at work? From what I've seen it seems the education system is letting the youth down in terms of teaching the ability to think and problem solve, and the behaviour required to exist successfully in the working world. Is that your experience?

I'm 42 and can't believe I've only 3 years left before i'll be an 'older woman'. I still feel like a 20 year old and no definitely not invisible (to who?!)

ETA not a braggy post, i'm not saying i'm super hot or anything.

I'm early 50s, I've always had lots of attention but now I don't turn as many heads. I'm slim and friends would say attractive but obviously something has changed. I don't care a jot, I've had my turn in the limelight and it's not been without it's pitfalls. I have beautiful grown DDs and it's rightly their turn.
My DH still apparently thinks I'm gorgeous and that'll do for me...

Definitely less visible at 48 than I was. Mostly I don't miss the leering/perving but my shitty self esteem issues also mean that I do miss the validation.

I remain the same as I have through life not bothered by what men think of me, they irritate me. Last time I got cat called in the street I was 50.

People still notice me, men and women. DH says it’s because I have a very cheeky friendly face. Complete strangers tell me their life stories in queues.

I noticed that people are a lot friendlier and willing to talk to me now I am older (60).

What @PuppiesProzacProsecco has written is a real issue for some women and I’m sorry you feel like that.

My self esteem has always been good I suppose though I never thought about it till I was older. When we hit teen years my girl friends were experimenting with make up and wondering about boys. Whilst I was in to sport and not caring if I got covered in mud, I was a good cross country runner and hockey player. Some male friends of mine when I was 13 wanted to look at my developing boobs, we had been climbing trees, I was a very good tree climber. At that point I realised they were to quote my Mother ‘lower than the belly of a snake ‘ and my childhood innocence was shattered at that point. so thank you S and W for showing me just how shit men can be. We had been like the 3 Musketeers till that point.

Depends on what you mean. I am 47 and got stopped by a man probably in his 30s (a very gay man so no sexual intention) who said I looked great and asked me where my trainers were from. That made my day.

59 and I still get a lot of compliments from women about my clothes and my style. I’ve always had a very visible RBF which had generally meant I don’t get unwanted male attention and I’m happy to remain that way.

I feel more visible as part of this age group than I did in my 20’s and 30’s.
More body confident now, much more outgoing, and as a PP said I’m outwardly very cheerful and positive. I do think that helps a lot.

I definitely get less cat calls and random sexual comments, which is wonderful.

But I seem to have become extra visible as a Responsible Person. Like strangers keep asking me "What app do I use to park here?" and "Are these jeans for boys or girls? Or either?" and "Is the blood donation centre here?" and "Excuse me, do you speak Hungarian?" and "Is it much further if I go by the ramp instead of the stairs?" I answer to the best of my ability but I sometimes think "Why are you asking me?"

I agree with @GCAcademic that I actually feel more visible at work as I age, more respected and listened to but I'm not sure if that's respect due to age, or my experience, or possibly an expectation that I have a more senior role than I actually do (I have quite a junior role in a company where most people my age are partners/directors)
I am definitely more confident in my 40s than I was in my 20s and 30s and also project that, so people are also probably responding to that.

In terms of invisibility to men, I can't remember the last time I was hit on but in my youth, I was only ever blatantly chatted up in places like nightclubs and I don't tend to go to nightclubs any more. There's definitely less "alright, darling?" type catcalling...not sure if that's my age or changing times but very welcome anyway!

I had almost no male attention AT ALL in my teens, 20s and 30s. Or if I did, I didn't notice it.

In the last 2 years, I've had more attention, been asked out and just politely asked for sex numerous times. I wonder if it's a post COVID thing and men are desperate!

I'm 49.

Maybe sexually invisible to men? Its great! I love it. Otherwise not.
I am not interested in being sexually visible anyway.

Not really. I'm an immigrant, so always "visible" but not usually in a good way! When i was younger, the men just assumed i was an easy lay, so thankfully don't do that anymore. In my company, i'm more visible than i'd like (I'm actually very shy) but I suppose it's cos i'm more senior and respected (or they're terrified of me who knows), which is nice.

I'm 48 and I don't feel invisible.

I don't feel invisible at all. I love the confidence my age has brought me and the fact I really don't give a fuck any more😃

I'm visible, but in a different way (51).

I'm not seen as potential sexual "prey" like I was in my 20s. I don't get hassled.

I'm seen as having "clout", in the form of money and/or assertiveness. Because I have more money and confidence than I did, and it shows in my appearance.

It's much preferable, in my opinion.

When the media talk about invisibility, they generally mean (in) visibility to strangers or in casual/ transactional encounters rather than in contexts where you are well known. e.g. getting served in bars, whether people hold doors for you, getting freebies/ extra services etc.

Honestly, I think it's just a case of good looking people being more visible because people notice/remember them more and we are hard wired to try to ingratiate ourselves with people who appear to have social currency. As we age we become considered "good looking" to a smaller percentage of the population (just maths because an increasing percentage of people are younger than you than older than you and most people don't find significantly older people attractive- the average 25 year old wouldn't consider a 50 year old attractive even if they were a top decile 50 year old whereas they'd definitely notice a top quartile 25 year old- obviously there are exceptions, but generally, it's true).

There's also the "pretty privilege" factor whereby some people have had a marginal advantage in most situations they've been in for probably 2-3 decades of their lives by virtue of being widely considered good looking according to society's norms. When they start to lose this (see above on aging), it's more noticeable to them than if they didn't have it in the first place.

I often feel invisible but have done for decades so not an age thing for me. I think I'm just not very confident and don't push myself forward or demand attention like some people I know.

As a teenager I got harassed a lot (not compliments, being told I was ugly by random adult men).

That stopped when I got to c.30 and ever since I've just felt like a person in the world. I hope that doesn't change? I assume women who report feeling invisible used to get lots of attention and extra consideration, which I know happens to pretty people.

Yes to a degree and I love it

I feel more visible now as I know more people than ever before at work and my area.

if you mean visible to men - still yes - to my age group anyway. Maybe more so as so many divorces happening. Not that I’m interested in them tho!

I don’t feel invisible at 50. I lost the getting harassed by men across my thirties and that was a relief. I gained getting served in shops and restaurants because it is assumed I have money.

The freedom to wander around and not feel threatened and self conscious is massive, as is the power to get properly listened to when you talk.

Swings and roundabouts!

I'd quite happy be invisible, I've always felt that way. It would make life much easier, and more fun.