Page 8 | My husband punched me in the face

Grammarnut · 13/12/2024 23:33

Helpmetalktomeplease · 13/12/2024 18:50

I do have my phone but I'm so scared of ruining our lives I work for the police everyone would know

You don't have a life with him to ruin. Call the police.

Haveacuppaandwaitforthistoblowover · 13/12/2024 23:45

Hi I haven't read the full thread (recovering from migrane but read all YOUR replies) but what I will say is you say you work for the police? So you'd advise someone in your position to call the police and get out of this.
I'm sorry you feel scared but he is a cunt and you need to do it for your children as they will be scared too.
Mumsnet women are actually a lovely bunch for support and we are all behind you.
Your work will notice your face surely anyway? Please get help. I hate to think of all these woman (and children) terrified in their own house!

UniqueOP · 13/12/2024 23:53

OP, I know you're scared about losing your house and not having much money and everything if he loses his job, and I get that. I really do. Concerns about the abuser's income stream are what keep a lot of women trapped, I think. But many people leave relationships when they don't have much, and they make it work. You'd be better off in a 1-bed flat with your two kids than living like this. Also, there is help available to house you since you have children. You won't starve or be on the streets.

Your safety is everything. If you don't have that, there is no relationship.

I am so sorry that you're so scared and living like this. You don't deserve it. No one does.

You can either get the police involved, or you can just leave, and get Women's Aid to help you. I'm concerned that you may not get all the help that's available to you if you don't make his violence official by calling the police, and I'm also concerned about your safety when you leave if the police aren't involved. But I do understand your concern about him losing his job, since that would have a direct impact on you and the kids. I can see how leaving him, and him keeping his job so that he can pay child support, might be preferable in practical terms.

Does anyone here have experience to share about how things panned out if/when they called the police on an abusive partner?

Understand465 · 13/12/2024 23:59

Helpmetalktomeplease · 13/12/2024 18:48

He hit me in the face into the stone floor twice my lips swollen my cheek is blue and swollen. I ran upstairs with my phone to call the police but he snatched it I yelled out the window to help and call the police but no one heard/cares. Now I'm just frozen and scared I don't know what to do.... I do but I'm too scared he pays for everything if I call the police he'll lose his job and we'll lose the house and I'm so scared the kids will be taken away. He's getting angry now that I won't watch TV with him he keeps angrily saying "I said I was sorry" but he's not he's cross I'm not over it yet. I just want someone to talk to right now, womens aid were busy, my family won't care and my friends arent very close to me, they can't help. I have no one

When did he do it

Mamabearsmile · 14/12/2024 00:00

Helpmetalktomeplease · 13/12/2024 18:48

He hit me in the face into the stone floor twice my lips swollen my cheek is blue and swollen. I ran upstairs with my phone to call the police but he snatched it I yelled out the window to help and call the police but no one heard/cares. Now I'm just frozen and scared I don't know what to do.... I do but I'm too scared he pays for everything if I call the police he'll lose his job and we'll lose the house and I'm so scared the kids will be taken away. He's getting angry now that I won't watch TV with him he keeps angrily saying "I said I was sorry" but he's not he's cross I'm not over it yet. I just want someone to talk to right now, womens aid were busy, my family won't care and my friends arent very close to me, they can't help. I have no one

Get off here and call the police. If he's got your phone how are you on here?

JanemckC · 14/12/2024 00:07

Helpmetalktomeplease · 13/12/2024 18:48

He hit me in the face into the stone floor twice my lips swollen my cheek is blue and swollen. I ran upstairs with my phone to call the police but he snatched it I yelled out the window to help and call the police but no one heard/cares. Now I'm just frozen and scared I don't know what to do.... I do but I'm too scared he pays for everything if I call the police he'll lose his job and we'll lose the house and I'm so scared the kids will be taken away. He's getting angry now that I won't watch TV with him he keeps angrily saying "I said I was sorry" but he's not he's cross I'm not over it yet. I just want someone to talk to right now, womens aid were busy, my family won't care and my friends arent very close to me, they can't help. I have no one

Leave immediately. Document injuries. Report him to the police. Start divorce proceedings

marmia1234 · 14/12/2024 00:19

Do you have a close friend that you can send the photos to and ask them to call the police? Get them to say you have just sent these photos after an attack by your husband and they are very concerned for your welfare and need to get you to hospital but would like the police to be there to avoid any more violence, . That way it wasn't technically you that called. Your friend can call it a welfare check. Roundabout way of doing it but stops you having to ring the police but same result.

Jux · 14/12/2024 00:27

Are you OK, op? Please come back to the thread if you can.

Gcsunnyside23 · 14/12/2024 00:28

Hope your ok op

Jux · 14/12/2024 00:41

It's unlikely the kids will be taken away if it can be seen that you're protecting them from a monster.
You need to call 999 and tell them about him.

You are strong enough to do it. Yes, it's scary, very scary, but you are living with him, which considering what he can do - and eventually he'll kill you, yes he will - is much much braver than making that phone call.

DreamTheMoors · 14/12/2024 00:44

Helpmetalktomeplease · 13/12/2024 19:37

I dont know what I wanted from this thread really, I didn't have anyone else to talk to and you're all so kind and such strong people. Thank you all for replying

Dear heart.
I hope you don’t think this is a one-time-thing.
It’s gonna get worse.
And next time you might not be conscious to call the police.
He might knock you out cold and then keep on punching.
CALL THE POLICE AND GET OUT.

ElsieElf · 14/12/2024 00:53

This first step is brave and terrifying but do it. Things won't improve from here. Thisv is an escalation. You are jot the problem. He is.

BabyPudu · 14/12/2024 01:25

Nc92982822 · 13/12/2024 20:07

This was my first thought too upon reading the info supplied by OP

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Me too, sadly.
sending you strength for your next steps OP, as a witness to DV as a child. I’m 60 now… it’s still vivid in my mind.

catlover123456789 · 14/12/2024 02:07

I hope you are quiet because you called the police and are with them now. You know there are many officers who would want to help you. Yes making that call will change your life but only for the better. I hope you're OK.

Maggispice · 14/12/2024 03:06

Helpmetalktomeplease · 13/12/2024 19:29

I've taken photos, and messaged womens aid, everytime I go to ring 999 I freeze I can't seem to take that last step, I know there's no coming back from it then I'm such a coward

You can report it for future reference. Tell your GP and the police but don't press charges on the condition he repents and gets counselling.

mnreader · 14/12/2024 03:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

showersandflowers · 14/12/2024 03:36

Helpmetalktomeplease · 13/12/2024 18:50

I do have my phone but I'm so scared of ruining our lives I work for the police everyone would know

HE has ruined your lives, not you.

Raindaer66 · 14/12/2024 05:55

Helpmetalktomeplease · 13/12/2024 18:48

He hit me in the face into the stone floor twice my lips swollen my cheek is blue and swollen. I ran upstairs with my phone to call the police but he snatched it I yelled out the window to help and call the police but no one heard/cares. Now I'm just frozen and scared I don't know what to do.... I do but I'm too scared he pays for everything if I call the police he'll lose his job and we'll lose the house and I'm so scared the kids will be taken away. He's getting angry now that I won't watch TV with him he keeps angrily saying "I said I was sorry" but he's not he's cross I'm not over it yet. I just want someone to talk to right now, womens aid were busy, my family won't care and my friends arent very close to me, they can't help. I have no one

How are you felling now

minceyminceypies · 14/12/2024 07:40

If you do work for the police, what is everyone going to think when you go to work with a battered face?

You can't say you walked into a door.

I hope you find the courage to leave this monster.

YourNavyPoet · 14/12/2024 10:10

Maggispice · 14/12/2024 03:06

You can report it for future reference. Tell your GP and the police but don't press charges on the condition he repents and gets counselling.

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It doesn’t work like that - the police decide whether to charge or refer to CPS for a charging decision. Abusive men don’t need counselling - they need locking up. I told my GP my husband was controlling my every move and threatening to take our months-old baby when I was at work. She said, “Families work better when they stay together.”

OopsyDaisie · 14/12/2024 10:50

YourNavyPoet · 14/12/2024 10:10

It doesn’t work like that - the police decide whether to charge or refer to CPS for a charging decision. Abusive men don’t need counselling - they need locking up. I told my GP my husband was controlling my every move and threatening to take our months-old baby when I was at work. She said, “Families work better when they stay together.”

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That's appalling! And yes abusers don't change with counseling, many times they actually get worse as they fins more excuses for their behaviour on their "feelings" and their past trauma and learn the fancy words to describe and shift the blame.
@Helpmetalktomeplease I hope you are ok

LemonPeonies · 14/12/2024 10:58

BysammyJS · 13/12/2024 20:30

A police officer once told me that it takes on average 3 calls to the police before a victim of domestic abuse finally leaves their abuser.
It took me 4 times.
What pushed me over the edge?
Not the black eyes, the knocked out teeth or even the window being smashed in my face...
I saw my children running around laughing and playing in the garden together, not a care in the world until their dad appeared. Their laughter instantly becoming quiet, their eyes fixing on me and wondering if today was a good day or a bad day.
Denial will not help you, thinking your children are not affected by the situation is selfish (I did it too).
They see and hear more than you realise!
You are not throwing your life away, you are gaining a new one. It's terrifying and completely unpredictable, raising 4 kids alone was a struggle at times but you learn to cope and the bonds you create with those little people along the way are worth every second of the struggles to come.
Good luck. And if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your children.
P.s- social services are not the enemy. They will help those who are willing to help themselves.

Wise words 💐

ArabellaScott · 14/12/2024 11:00

Just hoping you're okay today, OP.

If you need to talk, or support, there are lots of us here happy to listen.

DanceTheDevilBackIntoHisHole · 14/12/2024 11:04

OP I don't know if you're still reading replies or how things are this morning but wanted to add that a close friend of mine is in the police. While she was a detective constable she ended up in an abusive relationship including domestic violence. When she ended it the police were fantastic support for her . She felt so embarrassed initially as she used to specifically work in the sapphire project (DV) and later family support so she felt she should have known better. But she got fanta support and counseling etc through work.

Wanted to offer that perspective in case it helps. Police are not immune from abusive relationships.

LushLemonTart · 16/12/2024 22:38

@Helpmetalktomeplease hope you're ok?