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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband punched me in the face

211 replies

Helpmetalktomeplease · 13/12/2024 18:48

He hit me in the face into the stone floor twice my lips swollen my cheek is blue and swollen. I ran upstairs with my phone to call the police but he snatched it I yelled out the window to help and call the police but no one heard/cares. Now I'm just frozen and scared I don't know what to do.... I do but I'm too scared he pays for everything if I call the police he'll lose his job and we'll lose the house and I'm so scared the kids will be taken away. He's getting angry now that I won't watch TV with him he keeps angrily saying "I said I was sorry" but he's not he's cross I'm not over it yet. I just want someone to talk to right now, womens aid were busy, my family won't care and my friends arent very close to me, they can't help. I have no one

OP posts:

Wonderi · 13/12/2024 21:02

What would you want your kids to do?

Remember you are both their role models and it’s up to you to show them right from wrong.

If it was my DD then I would want her to ring the police.
If it was my DS then I would want him to know that hitting his partner is unacceptable.

The worst part of his behaviour is not actually the violence, it’s the fact that he’s acting ‘normal’ now instead of at least trying to pretend to feel bad and leaving the home in the hopes that one day you can forgive him.

He hates you and he doesn’t care that you know it.
The next time you may not be so lucky.

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/12/2024 21:04

How many lives will be ruined if he kills you - he may hit you again with no intention of killing you, one punch can kill, and one hitting the deck wrong can kill. What if you hit the deck but next time you've got a broken neck, now you're a wheelchair user entirely dependent on an abusive bastard for care?

Sure as fuck if he kills you, or paralyses you, everyones gonna know then.

What would you tell you to do? Do it, make that call. And send those photos to someone you trust who can keep them, because if he finds your phone again he will delete them.

He ruined everything by being an abusive and violent man.

mrspresents · 13/12/2024 21:05

Please call the police. Yes your life and your dc's life will change, but for the better. I was a child who grew up with domestic violence, I wouldn't wish it on my enemy. On average a women experience domestic abuse 37 times before seeking help, and that's only if the worst doenst happen. It's not getting better it will get worse. Please seek help x

SprinkleOfSunak · 13/12/2024 21:05

@Helpmetalktomeplease

Please message to let us know that you and your children are safe.

ConstanceM · 13/12/2024 21:06

Take pictures of your injuries asap and send to your email or WhatsApp account. Use the time stamp mode which is in your photos settings.
Then call the police. Have a bag ready and take the kids to a safe place, family, friends.
He won't stop.

ManhattanPopcorn · 13/12/2024 21:07

The days of women needing to cover up mens bad behaviour because 'everyone would know' are over. Abuse thrives in secrecy. Let everyone know. You have nothing to hide. No more secrets.

MJconfessions · 13/12/2024 21:09

Use the police live chat service

BeAzureAnt · 13/12/2024 21:30

MJconfessions · 13/12/2024 21:09

Use the police live chat service

Yes. OP, lovely OP, you are a brave person. You can contact the police. You really can. They will tell you what you need to do. Your husband beat you, and is normalising this. NO ONE deserves this. NO ONE. You need to see a doctor to check if your cheekbone or jaw or eye socket are broken. You really do.

They will come and take your husband away so you and your DC can be safe.

Look at all the people on here who are concerned for you. We all see this is no good for you. No one who loves you would beat you up.

TillyBilly29 · 13/12/2024 21:33

Op I am so sorry this has happened to you. every part of me is willing you to the call the police. You are brave and you are strong, you already know what he has done is unacceptable, you are already seeking help on here, you can carry on being brave by just pressing 999, you can do it, you are brave. You have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed of, it is only your husband who should be ashamed. You can do this.

Thighdentitycrisis · 13/12/2024 21:33

Hope you are getting help@Helpmetalktomeplease

if you still need a reminder of what you need to do, Put yourself back to when you ran upstairs and shouted for help out of the window. No help came unfortunately, but remind yourself what that felt like and why you did it - that’s why you need to call 999

Booboobagins · 13/12/2024 21:35

@Helpmetalktomeplease Im sending you a big hug. Having been in a violent relationship, the best advice I can give you is to call the police and end t his relationship. It will not get better and being with him is bad news for you and the children because it will just get more frequent and escalate.

Money, his job, the house are the last things to worry about - it's far more important your DCs have their mum alive and well than stay in your current house. I'm not being melodramatic, most women who are murdered are murdered by their partners.

Good luck.

Pls use all the help you are offered x

Lovemusic82 · 13/12/2024 21:38

TheSilkWorm · 13/12/2024 19:02

The children are only likely to be taken away if you do nothing. Call the police now, please

This….by not reporting it and allowing your kids to be in the house with an abuser is more likely to result in you losing your dc.

Don’t allow him to do this too you just because yeh will lose his job, next time he could kill you and then your dc are left with an abuser.

Ralphafluffa · 13/12/2024 21:41

What a sick individual. I am so sorry.

Get yourself to safety.
Rebuild and try to gain some financial independence. Try not to be in a position again where you feel you can’t leave a man when he’s punched you in the face purely due to money.

Things will work themselves out. 🧡 My SIL is a single Mum, she is on small income, no cms, and her housing benefit (or whatever it’s called these days) covers rent.

Dmsatdawn · 13/12/2024 21:50

This man has committed a serious crime against you. A similar thing happened to me. I did not call the police for reasons you state (mainly misplaced cowardice) but things escalated when I later had to go to A&E and made a disclosure about my injury. Things were then taken out of my hands and other agencies became involved - including the police. It was a blessed relief. There is a lot of support out there as you will know. My thoughts are with you.

ArabellaScott · 13/12/2024 21:55

OP, you are in my thoughts. I so hope you are safe.

Wishing you every good thing.

Yesiknowdear · 13/12/2024 21:59

Just a few things OP, doesn't matter how close or not you are to your friends, they would want you to go to them so they could support you.

Secondly. Him punching you in the face is a sign that he doesn't even care that he's hitting you in a visible area. I'm worried for you because that's a scary escalation.

3rd. You're not going to lose your kids if you leave.
If you don't, you may lose them, and you may lose your life.

Please call the police. Please get help. Please get him away from you.

Isometimeswonder · 13/12/2024 22:01

Please @Helpmetalktomeplease get out, get help.
Let us know you're ok.
I imagine this isn't the 1st time he's hurt you... and he will get worse.
That's very scary

ArtfulBiscuit · 13/12/2024 22:02

It will get worse and worse
So you know he will only feel disgust towards you more each time this happen's
Hope you don't forget how much more you re worth or worst I hope you don't lose your self.

ArtfulBiscuit · 13/12/2024 22:10

Look lady I have been there.. the great looking sexy older dark handsome charmer beautiful baby girl from him... Big home deep swimming pool decor from front door to pool belong in a magazine..
Guess what he now drives the Benz he bought for myself and his daughter and I am in public housing...
Are ready for the best part with my daughter small dog older Nissan .....SAFE AND VERY PEACEFUL the person yelling at me is smart 4 year old ..
Please grab your kids run don't go slow run fast and BLAME IT ON HIM. YOU WILL BE HAPPY YOU DO

Workhardcryharder · 13/12/2024 22:17

Please phone the police. This won’t get better for you

Hocuspoc · 13/12/2024 22:26

ArtfulBiscuit · 13/12/2024 22:10

And this what you described is so disturbing to me and I think it stops at least half of women reporting that very first instance of abuse.
Long story short the abused person needs to leave their home (really irrelevant if it's fancy or not) and uproot their children's lives potentially school changes etc, and the abuser stays.
I honestly don't understand why the abuser is not removed to an 'abuser hotel' and why the abused family doesn't get to stay in their home.

That said, OP - definitely call the police, he will smash your head next time. Every next instance of abuse goes one notch up - and this one was already pretty up there :(

YourNavyPoet · 13/12/2024 22:34

Lovemusic82 · 13/12/2024 21:38

This….by not reporting it and allowing your kids to be in the house with an abuser is more likely to result in you losing your dc.

Don’t allow him to do this too you just because yeh will lose his job, next time he could kill you and then your dc are left with an abuser.

Show quote history

If he kills her he’ll be remanded and the children will be in foster care until he’s found guilty of murder, then they will spend their childhoods in the care system.

R053 · 13/12/2024 22:42

I am so sorry - you sound so trapped with fear whatever way you look. He could have killed you with the punch though - it is life threatening for you now and then later on for your kids when he turns on them (and he most likely will). Please call Women’s Aid again and just tell them you feel you cannot leave. It’s a very common worry and they will totally understand your fears and help you work through them.

Normallynumb · 13/12/2024 23:21

You've been so brave posting when you must be in shock and pain
One step at a time.
Phone 999 when you can
It really doesn't matter if he loses his job because of what he has done.
The shame is his, not yours
Take that first step tonight and I promise you, everything else will fall into place in time
You and your DCs safety is paramount

Onceuponatime9 · 13/12/2024 23:29

Everything every poster has said on this thread

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