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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please help me - my partner just dumped me

238 replies

kitkat2024 · 07/12/2024 22:00

My partner of 3 1/2 years has just dumped me and I'm in total shock. We moved in together 3 months ago and were planning to start a family together next year. Apparently he doesn't love me anymore. My biggest fear has been that we would move in together and he would get cold feet. I don't know what I'm going to do or how I will meet anyone else. He has taken my childbearing years. All my friends are settled down with children. I am at a loss. Please help me

OP posts:

madaboutpurple · 07/12/2024 22:04

I am sorry to hear this. He does not sound the right person to be having a family with if he has suddenly gone. I just hope that you meet a worthwhile man that you feel you could have a family with. I wish you all the best.

Prettydisgustingactually · 07/12/2024 22:07

OP when you say you’re not sure how you will meet anyone else, if you are really thinking how to meet someone else, are you sure you were really in love with this man? I don’t think meeting someone new should be your first thought if he was really ‘the one’
At least he has told you before you start a family. How old are you op?

GreyBlackBay · 07/12/2024 22:08

I'm so sorry, this must be such a shock. You need time to think and get used to the idea.

I'm afraid a life with a partner who doesn't want you would be a living nightmare, but it must be hard for you to see that right now.

You absolutely can meet someone else. Someone right for you. Once you feel better you need to live a rich and varied life meeting lots of people so you'll have a good time and hopefully meet the one.

I'm terms if kids, you have more than 3.5 years to have them. It can be difficult to conceive as you get older but perfectly possible.

It's shit when life doesn't go the way you planned but I can guarantee you'd have regretted settling down with this one.

Adventlandonhs · 07/12/2024 22:09

I’m sorry you are going through this but you have been with him for 3 years, he has not took your childbearing years.
It’s better he tells you now then have a baby with you and then split up.

SueFielding · 07/12/2024 22:14

Unless he was your last roll of the dice, 3.5 years isn't enough to have taken your child bearing years.

I get the pain though, when all friends are settled down and you're suddenly single.

Kandyfloss10 · 07/12/2024 22:16

Better of without him. You don’t need a man to have a child these days, go it alone if you wish. He sounds like a loser.

3luckystars · 07/12/2024 22:17

He sounds like a loser and not good father material. 3 years is not your childbearing years though, don’t panic.

I hope you will be ok x x

TipsyJoker · 07/12/2024 22:25

How old are you?

Prettydisgustingactually · 07/12/2024 22:34

3luckystars · 07/12/2024 22:17

He sounds like a loser and not good father material. 3 years is not your childbearing years though, don’t panic.

I hope you will be ok x x

@3luckystars
That’s a bit harsh! If a woman was no longer in love with a man you would not call her a loser or bad mother material. Better he is honest now. It’s not a crime to fall out of love but of course it’s upsetting for the OP

mcmooberry · 07/12/2024 22:44

What a horrible shock, no wonder you feel awful. Honestly you won't feel like this forever and if you were planning on ttc next year then hopefully you do still have time to meet and marry someone else and have a family with a committed man. Obviously the idea of this theoretical man is of no comfort whatsoever at this point but rest assured that you will be happy again one way or the other.

Prettydisgustingactually · 07/12/2024 22:53

Prettydisgustingactually · 07/12/2024 22:07

Why can’t I edit my mistake in this post please? Clicked on three dots but no edit option.

martinisforeveryone · 07/12/2024 22:55

@Prettydisgustingactually there's a time limit on edits

Doggymummar · 07/12/2024 22:56

You have about 25 childbearing years, so he hadn't taken your childbearing years, but it's better to know now that he's a flake. It must be a shock but you will sort it out and be relieved eventually

StSwithinsDay · 07/12/2024 22:59

it's better to know now that he's a flake.

He is allowed to decide that this relationship is not working for him. That doesn't make him a flake.

MrsPinkSky · 07/12/2024 22:59

3luckystars · 07/12/2024 22:17

He sounds like a loser and not good father material. 3 years is not your childbearing years though, don’t panic.

I hope you will be ok x x

Because he's fallen out of love, he's a loser and won't make a good father?

What sort of nonsense is this?

There must be some potentially awful mothers out there who haven't stayed with the first man they fell in love with.

martinisforeveryone · 07/12/2024 23:01

@kitkat2024 I'm so sorry. Things seem to have broken down for him really quickly and so it's obviously a horrendous shock. All I can say is get your friends and family around you and look after yourself and then regroup. You don't think it now, but you will bounce back and find happiness.

Nothatgingerpirate · 07/12/2024 23:01

Kandyfloss10 · 07/12/2024 22:16

Better of without him. You don’t need a man to have a child these days, go it alone if you wish. He sounds like a loser.

👏👍

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/12/2024 23:02

Why would you fear cold feet after more than 3 years of dating? That suggests things weren’t that good between you irrespective of the plans to ttc which should suggest things were stable.

I’m sorry you’re hurting. I wonder if you’ll realise quite quickly it’s not him as a person you’ll miss but the function you hoped he’d have. I hope you meet someone great when you’re ready.

3luckystars · 07/12/2024 23:07

Yes apologies, maybe I shouldn’t have said that he was a loser. I just was suspecting he lied to her and led her on, judging by level of shock she is in. And they only just moved in recently so why the sudden change of heart, if he can do that then I wouldn’t want to have a baby with him.

I’m probably suspicious now because of my own recent experience. But I was just putting my own spin on it and that was wrong. Sorry again.

FknOmniShambles · 07/12/2024 23:10

I'm sorry but no. He hasn't taken your childbearing years - you've unfortunately invested your time into a wrong'un.
Probably best to change that.

Lighteningstrikes · 07/12/2024 23:21

GreyBlackBay · 07/12/2024 22:08

I'm so sorry, this must be such a shock. You need time to think and get used to the idea.

I'm afraid a life with a partner who doesn't want you would be a living nightmare, but it must be hard for you to see that right now.

You absolutely can meet someone else. Someone right for you. Once you feel better you need to live a rich and varied life meeting lots of people so you'll have a good time and hopefully meet the one.

I'm terms if kids, you have more than 3.5 years to have them. It can be difficult to conceive as you get older but perfectly possible.

It's shit when life doesn't go the way you planned but I can guarantee you'd have regretted settling down with this one.

This is so true. You probably don’t realise this at the moment because you’re hurt and shocked.

MondayYogurt · 07/12/2024 23:24

If they got together when she was 38 then he could have taken her chance at children down too low. Finding another partner will take time as well.

Good luck OP.

Semiramide · 07/12/2024 23:25

My biggest fear has been that we would move in together and he would get cold feet

So you felt like this even before you moved in together? What made you think that? And why did you still move in together, despite this premonition?

Honestly, in your post you come across as rather desperate. Desperate to be in a relationship and have a child, perhaps no matter who with. I imagine your Ex felt cornered, which is why he left so soon after he moved in with you.

RubyRedBow · 07/12/2024 23:26

Don’t worry about having kids you need to think about where you’ll move to.

sometimesmovingforwards · 07/12/2024 23:28

Chin up.

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