Please help me - my partner just dumped me

[kitkat2024]

My partner of 3 1/2 years has just dumped me and I'm in total shock. We moved in together 3 months ago and were planning to start a family together next year. Apparently he doesn't love me anymore. My biggest fear has been that we would move in together and he would get cold feet. I don't know what I'm going to do or how I will meet anyone else. He has taken my childbearing years. All my friends are settled down with children. I am at a loss. Please help me

OP, do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk.

You put years mummying this immature man and pushing him.
35 and his mum washing his sheets?
Learn from this or you will not meet a good man.

Don't invest in a mans potential, look at who he is now, today.

Men don't change that much.
If you are acting as his therapist, coach, mummy, it is never going to be an equal relationship.

It is not normal nor healthy to have to put that much effort into a partner.

You deserve so much better.
He is not someone to want a child with.
He has zero capacity for growth.
He'll be the same mummys boy tosser a decade from now.
Mind yourself.

Thanks so much everyone, I am feeling strong now but I'm sure I'll waver later when the tiredness and reality sets in.

@Youvebeenframed I had my suspicions he was building a connection (emotional if not physical, maybe both) with the gf of his friend who died recently and the fact that he spent most of the day with her yesterday and then dumped me has not relieved my suspicions.

It seems pretty clear from your posts that you didn't love him. It doesn't even look like you liked him. It comes across that you wanted a partner and children because everyone else you know has and he really could have been anyone. This really isn't all on him.

I was dumped by my partner of 5 years aged 33. We were living together (rented) and about to buy our first property. It was a huge shock but definitely not cold feet on his part - he’d not been happy for a while.
I too thought I’d never have kids but I had my daughter at 42. Don’t panic.

You shouldn't have to work so hard to be in a relationship with someone. From what you have written, he was never really in the relationship with you. You pushed, and moved it further than it should have been

You are young enough to find someone else and have a child, if that's your end game.

@DowntonFlabbie you have no idea how I behaved in my relationship. I am angry right now and I am expressing that here. I'm not telling you about all the kind little things I did for him - always buying his favourite snacks, organising fun things for us to do, listening to and comforting him at all hours of the day and night when he was suffering with extreme anxiety about his job, supporting him to leave his old workplace where he was deeply unhappy and get a new, better job...the list goes on.

@DowntonFlabbie
youre making an assumption. Not everything is black and white but more shades of grey. The OP may have overlooked some things that she shouldn’t have because she wanted the relationship to work but that doesn’t mean she didn’t like or love him. She obviously liked him otherwise she wouldn’t have been in a relationship with him.

Honestly. Go it alone if you want a child.
OLD is dire and I wouldn't waste any more time.

She doesn't mean it like that does she, she means about having a child.

God does anyone else hate that 'chin up'. DH has stage 4 cancer. 'Chin up'. No just bugger off with your chin up.

Op it'll be shit, it'll take time to process but lean on family and friends and try to go no contact whilst you process everything and look after yourself. It's totally shit but it always gets better I promise you.

Any ideas how I can meet new people? I just joined meet-up but you have to pay to see anything of use on it and I'm currently a student so was hoping to find info for free

If you're a student, are there events or clubs on campus?

Just wanted to say went through something similar 2 years ago x If you don't want to see him today to clear out your things, if you still have keys, can you take a day off in the week while he's in work? If not, take your mum. Just having her there will hopefully support you x

I don’t think he was wrong to end the relationship. If he fell out of love with you he did the right thing, and yes I get why you would be angry and upset but if you believe he was a manchild and it was all you pushing the relationship then you must have thought that this could be the outcome?
You have plenty of time to have a child, and with someone who wants to be with you.

Get involved in some local community projects. Volunteer. Get a part time job. Go on social media and search for events around your interests. Attend some events through your college/uni. Go to some events around your political beliefs and meet like minded folk there who you can bond with over making the world a better place.

And while you're angry, write down all his bad bits!! There'll be a time when the anger fades and maybe feeling a bit lonely when it'll help to read back so you can tell yourself 'no, we weren't suited, he wasn't the one' x x
And yes, parents are usually right...I remember introducing mine to my dad and he quietly said to me in German are you sure that's the best you can do????

Hmmm OK
Does all seem a bit coincidental 😏 you’re well rid.
I’m glad you’ve found your roar.
Grab your soap and run for the hills. Enjoy being single for a while💫

I have totally crashed now. I went and he was happily putting up his Xmas tree, couldn't have cared less about me. My dad called him 'a fucking wanker' and 'an absolute weirdo' which provided a laugh though. I had too much stuff to bring back in one trip so I'm going to have to go back during the week and next weekend to get the rest but he took my key off me and said that if I didn't give it back to him he'd change the locks so I couldn't even get in to get my stuff. What a dick.

Dating apps these days have a limit on the number of likes you can do and my search for local meetup groups has been fruitless so I'm feeling much more sad and worried about my future now.

It's not even been 24 hours and you're already trying to meet someone new?

What an absolute arsehole.

Please take some time- I have already commented about being unexpectedly single 6 weeks ago. Dumped by text message. It’s tempting to think about the future but I think we need to heal and get used to things not being as we planned…

also I noticed you are doing your social work training- I’m ten years qualified and it’s a bloody hard job even harder heartbroken so please be kind to yourself 💔

Whoah OP slow the fuck down! You're not in the right emotional state to start up any relationships for quite a while - say, 3 months minimum.

If you're desperate to get someone you'll very likely get with the wrong person for the wrong reasons and you'll have a world of hurt and anguish ahead.

You must take time out to heal from this one before you even consider meeting someone else.

Are you looking for Mr Right or just Mr He'll Do?

Try not to panic about meeting someone else - you need to be ok on your own and the best version of yourself first. That will come when you're ready and you're properly over this guy. You won't meet the right person if you're trying to meet someone before you're really ready or for the wrong reasons. It's a shitty time of year for him to have done this but you'll get through it. There's plenty of company and support on here if you need it.

Women who Love too Much is a great book, I’d recommend you read that before starting a new relationship.

@Sofaroller @BMW6 @BlueSkies1981 I'm not on dating apps right now, I'm just thinking about my future and how I will move on from this. Now I'm back in my hometown id like to find some social groups to rediscover myself and have some fun but they seem very hard to find

This ^^

Slow down OP.

Unless you think you're going to meet someone to 'spite' him?

It won't because he couldn't care less.