Moved in with my partner and I did make a huge mistake - thread 2…

[haveimadeamistake]

Hope it’s okay to carry on posting as the thread has been a massive source of support for me and although I’ve asked him to leave, I could still really do with some support as I navigate the actual logistics of moving out and how to explain this to my DD.

link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5216942-moved-in-with-partner-and-i-might-have-made-a-huge-mistake?page=1

Let him discover the sofas are gone when you’ve moved out and he moves back.

If he quibbles it, say the finance is in your name so of course you’ve taken them. He might be past caring at this point. If he causes a fuss and you think it might escalate into more financial risk for you over the house, give him the £200.

so if you have the sofas - will you take over the payment in full?

I would have the sofas - as the fewer financial transactions between you the better i.e. just the mortgage to sort
and they are in your name.

offer him back the £200 he has paid so far

and offer your sofa if he would like that instead of the £200.

i.e. let him choose. ( let him think it's his choice / decision ) it's possible he doesn't like your sofa ?

I’ll pay the full monthly amount for them, the DD is already in my name and my bank account.

If you are paying the monthly payments I think the above is a perfect solution

That sounds fair, to give him your sofa or repay the £200, and as you say the credit is in your name so it’s both a big risk for you and a big commitment for him to take them on. This makes it cleaner and easier.

He’s going mad. Doesn’t want my couch and is demanding the total that’s been paid, so about £500! If he wants to go down that route I paid for half of a lot of stuff in the house that I won’t be using anymore…

Sell your couch . Give the money to him and the rest to take it to £500

Then tell
him the rest of the stuff has to be sold so you get your half back .
Or tally up your half then take the £500 of it. .

I agree with pp you will be tied to him financially if you left the sofa .
Maybe he just sees that you are really gone now

If the finance is in your name then it is legally yours…he doesn’t have any claim.
don’t give him the £200 but tell him that out of the goodness of your heart you will make no claim on things you have left but helped pay for.

I think it’s absolutely fair to give him back the money he had already spent on the sofas if you are taking them unilaterally and without discussion or agreement to trade for other things to be honest.

@haveimadeamistake just explain to him that’s fine he can have the money he contributed towards them, but you will just start knocking off the money for the other household items you’ve paid for that he has.

Be prepared for him to ask you to take them all back out of spite.

Doesn’t mean you have to pay him immediately - just within a reasonable timeframe based on your budget.

good luck.

All sorted I think. He’s agreed to have my sofa and he’ll sell it and keep the money from that which should cover what he’s paid for the sofas so far.

One more car load then I am OUT! What a bloody relief. I can’t wait to lock up, post the keys through the door and be done with it. Until it comes to selling it when I’m sure I’ll have to communicate with him again…

Op, I would keep hold of a key ... just in case. As you part own the house, you would have very right to do so, I believe.

Take photos and video of how the place is when you leave for the last time. If he decides to smash the place up or something in a fit of pique, you need to be able to show that you're not responsible
As for needing to speak to him when it comes to selling, you don't have to. Everything can go via a solicitor and the cost taken from what is realised from the sale.

As per above poster, keep your key, you still own the house until your name is off the mortgage and deeds.

I would also keep a key until you are off the mortgage.

Ah crap, I posted them through the letterbox earlier…

Argh, should I see if he’ll let me collect my key?! I can’t see a reason why I’d need to actually access the house in the future but now I feel a bit silly for posting them!

I think it would be wise to get your key back. You both need to discuss what's happening with the house etc. the financials of it all too. Try to keep things as amicable as possible until your name is off the mortgage.

Had a bit of back and forth last night about the key, he wasn’t happy about giving me it back, asking why I’d need to access the house etc. He eventually agreed so I’m going to collect it tomorrow. He’s also said we need to discuss the minute of agreement (the document that he never signed or filed to protect his deposit) so I think it’s probably best that anything is discussed via a solicitor now, I haven’t responded. I already told him verbally that I want nothing from the sale of the house on the agreement that he pays the mortgage, he can have whatever is left and hopefully it makes up at least some of his deposit.

Sign absolutely nothing until the very end and it is indeed a clean break financially.

Let everything go through your solicitor.
This drama is because of his awful behaviour.
Do not be bullied by him.

Well done for staying so strong.

It’s not just a drama, though. They do have joint financial commitments.

He will be a lot further down monetarily than OP because he paid the fees and stamp duty. £500 on a sofa is minimal in that context.

Make sure you have everything Christmas wise decorations and from the loft etc x

Take photos and video of how the place is when you leave for the last time. If he decides to smash the place up or something in a fit of pique, you need to be able to show that you're not responsible

Eh? Need to be able to show who, exactly?

There’s no landlord, OP and XP currently own it jointly and OP is waiving the right to any proceeds (though I am not surprised XP wants this in writing). So if he smashes anything up, he’s only reducing his chances of selling later/giving himself an unpleasant place to live.