Moved in with my partner and I did make a huge mistake - thread 2…

[haveimadeamistake]

Hope it’s okay to carry on posting as the thread has been a massive source of support for me and although I’ve asked him to leave, I could still really do with some support as I navigate the actual logistics of moving out and how to explain this to my DD.

link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5216942-moved-in-with-partner-and-i-might-have-made-a-huge-mistake?page=1

@haveimadeamistake

Oh - that's perfect !

I can't believe it was less than two weeks ago when you first posted to where you are now. You must feel like you've been caught up in a whirlwind.

I know it can't be easy but you're doing amazingly well ❤️ you're a bloody great mammy.

@MerryMauveBeaker I haven’t told him yet, I was going to have a chat with him tomorrow when he picks DD up. He’ll help where he can, but I have lots of support from family and friends to help move so I think we’ll manage it!

Well done OP an all the best in your new home, hope it's a smooth move and very Merry Christmas for you and your lovely daughter 💐

OP can I just say I commend you for being so decisive and taking action so quickly. I was in your shoes and I ignored all the red flags, went ahead and married him and had 2 more kids with him. He ended up being really abusive and awful to both me and DD, she witnessed some horrible stuff.

Obviously I don't regret my kids, but I do regret what DD has been through and the time lost on the relationship, because 6 years later and I'm back to being a single mum in a rented house. Total sunk cost fallacy. Well done for being so strong, recognising the red flags so early on and mostly importantly getting out. Honestly hats off to you.

Kudos for taking action and moving toward safety, @haveimadeamistake.

A man who targets a little 3 year old girl is a brute of the highest order. How dare he show consistent, loving engagement and then pull the rug out from under her (and you) after you moved in. That kind of intermittent, inconsistent behavior — being nice/refusing to acknowledge her presence/being nice/grunting or walking away when she shows him something/being nice/winding her up until she gets grumpy — will cause her to feel shame and mistrust in her world. Unsafe. This adult has been knowingly emotionally abusive to this small child, and in turn to you. He’s a horror.

Sending my best wishes for a happy and peaceful future with your precious girl.

Of course it’s ok to keep posting for support. I read your original post but didn’t comment but hoped you moved out or got him to move out. I am glad you are going forward for your sake and the sake of your little girl x

Aww op lovely to have your mum there, hot chocolate and chocolate biscuits then,
What a week of do you're had, well again your strength is amazing, you truly are an amazing mummy,

Well done you! You are so right to put your daughter first and not take any risks with this man. Wishing you and your little one all the very best. It really is a brave wise move xxxx

I’ve only just read through both threads but I just wanted to say you’ve 100% done the right thing.
I had the same issue with my ex. Was amazing with my daughter, until we moved in together and things went south fast. I gave it more time, we had many conversations and he’d change for a week or two and then we’d be right back where we started. He’d be horrible to her when I wasn’t around and it got to a stage that if I was at the office he’d be texting me moaning about my daughter and she’d be calling me moaning about him. Enough was enough and we left. My only regret being that I didn’t do it sooner!!

Well done OP 👏 hope you have a lovely little Christmas with your DD and family

There's still posters posting on the OP's thread #1, as it's not full yet

Welldone OP. Such a strong woman, putting your daughter first. Welldone and best of luck

Well done OP

You have definitely made the best decision for your daughter and for yourself.

Well done for having the courage to do this 👏

I'm gald he's not being awkward about the house. From everything you've posted I get the sense he's not a bad man, just a lazy weak one who isn't willing to do the work needed to make things happen. It's sad, but you will all beh appier I think.

This:

What a refreshing read on this wet and windy December morning!
wishing you and your daughter all the best for your next chapter 🌲🥰

His aunt messaged me again last night… I was out with my friend for her birthday and got a text at about 9pm. She said she was so sorry and can this be salvaged, we were all so happy etc. I ignored it, then got another message to say ex is ‘normally such a kind and loving person’ and she can’t understand why he’s done this but he doesn’t want to lose us all, then another message saying they’re all so gutted. I replied at this point and just said ‘I appreciate your concern but I think it’s best discussed with ex and I going forward ‘, thinking that would nip it in the bud. Well, she only replied again! Huge message about how she doesn’t condone how he’s acted, she’s so angry with him but he’s so very sorry etc etc. Weird how I’m not hearing any of this from him though!

im wondering if it’s come about from him going back to the house last night as id started to pack so he’s probably noticed, realised I’m seriously leaving and phoned his aunt.

He had his chance and he blew it…

Sounds very childish of him running to his aunt OP, I suspect the person you seen him as when you all moved in together is the real him and he got comfortable, he probably is shocked you’ve left but I don’t blame you! You have made absolutely the right decision, move on and enjoy your new life xx

I’m just so angry that he’s having his aunt act as some sort of intermediary and can’t even say these things to me himself! It won’t change anything even if he does, but it’s so childish! I’ll be seeing him at the house when I go home later so hopefully we can iron out what to do with the house.

He was using his aunt to pave the way, and now he’s gearing up to try hoovering you. Stay strong, @haveimadeamistake!