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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Moved in with my partner and I did make a huge mistake - thread 2…

224 replies

haveimadeamistake · 04/12/2024 21:18

Hope it’s okay to carry on posting as the thread has been a massive source of support for me and although I’ve asked him to leave, I could still really do with some support as I navigate the actual logistics of moving out and how to explain this to my DD.

link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5216942-moved-in-with-partner-and-i-might-have-made-a-huge-mistake?page=1

Moved in with partner and I might have made a huge mistake… | Mumsnet

Moved in with my partner a month ago and I feel sick to my stomach that I’ve made a huge, huge mistake. I have a 3 and a half year old, he’s always be...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5216942-moved-in-with-partner-and-i-might-have-made-a-huge-mistake?page=1

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 11/12/2024 02:54

friendlycat · 08/12/2024 23:51

You’ve made the right decision and will move forward from all of this.

He may be remorseful and very sad about this, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s behaved in a way that made it wrong for you and your daughter to stay. He shouldn’t have ever taken his frustration and difficulty in adjusting out on a three year old and then followed up by giving you silent treatment. This just isn’t acceptable behaviour hence you’re where you are now with plans to separate and move into your rental.

A decent adult would have handled all of this differently accepting a period of adjustment, but not one involving unkindness and being cruel to a young child. But you know all of this yourself.

Thankfully he’s being reasonable about the financial implications going forward. But no doubt he’s also relieved that you’re making the decisions going forward even if he has sadness that your own relationship is now irreparable. He’s just not cut out for sharing his space and relationship with you plus your child full time and it’s shown right from the off.

Of course your feelings for him have changed and you’ve been brave and proactive in solving the issue. Yes it’s unfortunate and unpleasant at the moment but your rental is there, financially it will be ok and you can and will move forward. You’ve done remarkably well at recognising this isn’t going to change and work and have taken the bull by the horns to sort it. All credit to you.

Well said.

VividGreenCrab · 11/12/2024 16:52

There are always 2 sides to every story

SheilaFentiman · 11/12/2024 17:51

VividGreenCrab · 11/12/2024 16:52

There are always 2 sides to every story

Profound.

Could you clear up the religion of the Pope for us next?

VividGreenCrab · 11/12/2024 18:21

That proves you are so ignorant

VividGreenCrab · 11/12/2024 18:22

And uneducated

SheilaFentiman · 11/12/2024 18:33

It proves I am sarcastic, I’ll give you that.

But uneducated?

<eyes my degree certificates>

Nah.

VividGreenCrab · 11/12/2024 19:15

You can get a degree in bullshit now which I think a lot of people have

AcrossthePond55 · 11/12/2024 19:19

@haveimadeamistake

So glad you'll be in your new place by Xmas! Best wishes to you and DD and a wonderful Xmas!

SheilaFentiman · 11/12/2024 19:23

VividGreenCrab · 11/12/2024 19:15

You can get a degree in bullshit now which I think a lot of people have

Ok doke, sweetie.

That’s not what my degrees are in, but I’m glad you are proud of your achievements.

Derail over, it’s not about you, dear, so I will leave it there.

SheilaFentiman · 11/12/2024 19:23

AcrossthePond55 · 11/12/2024 19:19

@haveimadeamistake

So glad you'll be in your new place by Xmas! Best wishes to you and DD and a wonderful Xmas!

100% this!

VividGreenCrab · 11/12/2024 19:25

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ThisJollyLimeBird · 13/12/2024 06:27

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Original poster
haveimadeamistake · 13/12/2024 09:44

@ThisJollyLimeBird thank you for asking. I get the keys on Monday, but I’m just going to gradually move my things during the week and actually move in next weekend. Couldn’t get Internet set up before the end of next week and I can’t work without Internet! Everything is good though, I haven’t heard much at all from him so hopefully it’s smooth sailing from here onwards. DD is so excited for her new house - ‘another new house!’ Bless her.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 13/12/2024 11:07

Just reassure her the Father Christmas / Santa Claus will know she's in ' another ' new house, if she asks - and if you do celebrate him.

Polkadotz · 13/12/2024 13:57

DD is so excited for her new house - ‘another new house!’ Bless her.

Aw that’s great she’s excited - it’s lovely how kids often see the bright side and see change as a new adventure!

QuickOpalOrca · 19/12/2024 06:29

This reply has been deleted

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Polkadotz · 19/12/2024 16:20

I’m guessing you’ve moved in now
and the internet is all set up! @haveimadeamistake

How are you and your daughter settling in?

Original poster
haveimadeamistake · 19/12/2024 16:23

Polkadotz · 19/12/2024 16:20

I’m guessing you’ve moved in now
and the internet is all set up! @haveimadeamistake

How are you and your daughter settling in?

Havent officially moved in yet as the internet isn’t activated until tomorrow, but I’ve been moving bits and bobs across all week and officially moving in this weekend! DD has been staying with my parents as we’ve both been ill and I’ve needed to work and move, absolute nightmare timing! But she’s v excited. I’ve got the Christmas tree up in the new place and it honestly just feels like such a calm, lovely space. I can’t wait for us to get settled there.

OP posts:
Damsel · 19/12/2024 16:31

Wishing you and your daughter every happiness in your new home.

Polkadotz · 19/12/2024 16:49

So good to hear that and well done on getting the tree up! 🎄 @haveimadeamistake

Hope you both feel better soon and you get to rest up a little over Christmas! It’s not always the easiest time of year to move so kudos to you for pulling it off.

Good luck with moving the rest of your stuff in this weekend and enjoy your fresh start 🥂

MrsTigerface · 19/12/2024 19:17

I’m sooo happy for you and your DD xxx

LittleGreenDragons · 20/12/2024 13:38

it honestly just feels like such a calm, lovely space

It sounds like you have given yourself and your daughter the best Christmas gift ever. I hope you have many years enjoying this space together Flowers

AcrossthePond55 · 20/12/2024 13:42

@haveimadeamistake

Oh how nice to hear!

Have a happy moving day(s) this weekend!

Original poster
haveimadeamistake · 20/12/2024 16:58

I’m probably totally overthinking this but what do you think… we bought 2 brand new sofas last month, they’re financed for 12 months and the credit agreement is in my name. We’ve only paid one instalment and a small deposit so he’s paid approx £200. I didn’t think they’d fit in my new place but they do and I’ve taken them with me as my logic is that if he doesn’t send me the money monthly as he said he would, he has the sofas and I’m stuck with a monthly payment for nothing. So I’ve taken them but now I’m panicking about telling him! I have another 4 seater sofa that was mine from my old place, it’s only 2 years old and I was planning on selling it but I was going to offer to leave it at the house so he at least has something to sit on and would make up for what he’s paid for the new ones I think?

OP posts:
Original poster
haveimadeamistake · 20/12/2024 16:59

Just read that back - I haven’t taken them just so that I have them in case he doesn’t pay me back, I absolutely love them and they’re soooo comfy which is the main reason I’ve taken them!

OP posts: