Moved in with my partner and I did make a huge mistake - thread 2…

[haveimadeamistake]

Hope it’s okay to carry on posting as the thread has been a massive source of support for me and although I’ve asked him to leave, I could still really do with some support as I navigate the actual logistics of moving out and how to explain this to my DD.

link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5216942-moved-in-with-partner-and-i-might-have-made-a-huge-mistake?page=1

I would tell his aunt that it wouldn't be appropriate for you to talk about your relationship with her, given it's obvious that's what she's calling about!

Is it? Or is it possible she knows nothing about it and wants to ask OP if her DP would prefer a scarf or socks for Xmas.

@haveimadeamistake I would ping the aunt back and find out what it’s about, or ask your STBXP if he has spoken to her. Not fair to inadvertently tell her.

He went to stay at hers last night and she asked me what was going on, so she does know. I haven’t replied yet, but I definitely do not want to speak to her on the phone as I have no idea if she’s going to try and guilt me into giving it another go or something!

I’ve just checked the message again and I think the aunt has blocked me now! It was on Facebook but now I can’t reply or see her profile. Bizarre.

Ah, ok’ - maybe she told STBXP that she’d messaged and he said Lord, that was unhelpful, delete it!

Good luck OP. Your doing the right thing

Mmmm as I’ve said already- he will make himself the victim now. I can’t imagine from your posts that a more balanced response of “I really struggled with the change of instant family responsibilities and living with her DD and what comes with a 3yr old” is likely to be his narrative 🤷‍♀️

Very odd behaviour from the aunt.

You can say to anyone who asks that although you both had high hopes, unfortunately it quickly became apparent that you had different expectations of living together and that these were unresolvable/ fundamentally incompatible.

It’s neutral and basically true.

Hi Op You have made the correct decision given all the issues. He sounds like a jerk of the first degree and should not have left home, family appear to be the same, aunt's involvement, its none of her business or anyone else's.

You and your daughter's peace of mind and safety come before all the paperwork and costs.

All the very best OP.

Yes, just keep it simple. If it needs to be more in depth then something like “I didn’t like it when he ignored you, that’s not very nice, so it’s better if we just live on our own”

Just caught up with your updates and wanted to say well done you.💪

Prepare yourself for him now telling people it was all your fault things went wrong. Just keep your head up and focus on your DD.

Absolutely do NOT speak with this Aunt of his. He has an agenda and she is his mouthpiece.🤨
A cynic (me) would believe she has her own motives to offload him back to you.
Why else?
Repeat. Do NOT speak with her. 💐

100% this!

Your relationship is with him. Not his family. They haven't been witnesses to his behaviour and will be working on whatever spin he has put on what he has told them.

As you know his behaviour towards you and your innocent child has been inexcusable. He has admitted he knows what he has done but seemingly cant help it 🙄. That is all that matters.

You don't need to justify yourself to others, it will simply increase your stress levels. Look out for you. He is the one that has caused this, not you.

It might be interesting to talk to the aunt let her pour everything out and then you'll know what he's been saying about you. But don't say much yourself don't give any information away, or confirm or deny anything.
After the phone call write everything down and if she wants to speak to you on the phone again tell her she's welcome to email you. Keep a record of everything for the purposes of finding out if he's likely to cause you problems in the future.

Haven’t heard any more from the aunt today. My mum has come up to stay with me so we’re both working from home but it’s nice to have some company.

He messaged to say he needs to stay here on Friday and Saturday but has made alternative arrangements from Sunday. I’m grateful that he at least isn’t being awkward about letting DD and I stay in the house, at least it doesn’t disrupt her nursery etc.

Feeling a bit more positive!

Will you stay elsewhere Friday and sat?

@Onceachunkymonkey definitely Friday, not sure about Saturday yet. We need to have a discussion about the logistics of what’s happening with the house at least, so I’ll probably at least drop in on the Saturday for that, then maybe I’ll stay at my parents overnight.

Friday being tomorrow ?

is there any chance Mum can take dd with her when she leaves today ?

I know Mum works and I know dd has nursery but nursery can be missed, and maybe Mum could wfh ? and I believe you have Dad too ?

it just means if there is an argument / shouting dd won't be present to hear / witness it.

@haveimadeamistake ignore the aunt - you are both 2 consenting adults and I wouldn’t expect someone outside my relationship to be getting involved.

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon DD is at her dad’s from tomorrow til Sunday, so she won’t be around when he’s here thankfully.