MIL comment about money - feel hurt and just a bit odd

[ShatOnAndrew]

DP is likely to come into some money next year. We were chatting with PILs about it.

I made a comment about flouncing from my job and being a lady of leisure.

MIL said "Oh you're coming into money as well are you?" and did a sort of cats-bum face.
I laughed it off and said "I wish, I'm sure what DP gets will do nicely"

I can't put my finger on it but it really hurt me. It felt like she was suggesting I'm gold digging (sorry, terrible phrase). Me and MIL have always got on well - we're not close but no falling out or anything.

It's really niggling at me. I know I need to just leave it. I'd look like a loon bringing it back up now but I can't shake this horrible feeling.

Sorry, not sure what I'm actually asking here. Just needed to vent a bit.

Hard to say but maybe she just thought your comment was a bit distasteful? Is the money connected to them in any way?

It was a bit of a thoughtless remark on your part. If doesn't sound as if your mil likes you very much. People can be a bit 'funny' when folk come into money. So it's better not to crow about it.

I would say that comment showed you what your MIL really thinks about you - her mask slipped - just for a moment and that is what is upsetting you.

The comment could be seen as being a bit crass, especially if someone is fading away, making this all possible.

She probably feels quite strongly that it's your DP's money and not yours. Even more so if he is a DP and not a DH.

I took it that she was saying it's your husbands money and not yours

Well she’s not your mother in law for a start is she?

It perhaps reflects how they have handled their finances ie separate pots.

If you and your DH are more of a couple who just pool everything then she might not quite get or agree with that.

I don’t know, maybe a slightly crass comment from you and a snidey remark from her.

I actually would mention it again, just one on one with her. Just to say when I said about being a lady of leisure I was totally joking- I know that’s DH’s inheritance and obviously up to him how it gets spent. Then leave it.

Exactly my thought.

She's letting you know she thinks its not your money. Its DPs. Not up to her of course but if the money is connected to a bereavement then you've been insensitive tbh.

Is the money connected to a bereavement?

I’m guessing your DH is going to ‘come into some money’ due to a death in the family? I would be a bit annoyed too that you’re treating the death of a loved one (who is unrelated to you) as an opportunity to not work. When really it should be up to your DH how he wants to spend it

I made a comment about flouncing from my job and being a lady of leisure.
Surely, he's the one - if anyone - who gets to flounce and have a life of leisure.

I get why you’re miffed. You made a joke and she put you in your place. But I can see her point of view as well. Talking about money doesn’t usually end well. Best to keep your finances private.

How are you hurt that she was suggesting you were gold digging when you literally made a jokey comment suggesting that you were in fact gold digging?

And if your partner is “coming into” money due to inheritance then it’s pretty distasteful to be rubbing your hands about it to his parents.

Both your comments were a bit out of order, really, the second one making the situation worse.

She might feel the same if your DP suggested giving up work too to be fair. It would feel like a waste of inheritance if it all got spent because you both quit your jobs. (Depending how much you're getting of course..)

It was tit for tat, don't apologise and leave well alone. Least said soonest mended and all that. 🤔

I would think a lot less of you for that remark.

If the money is due to a bereavement and DP (and therefore MiL) losing a relative, your comment was crass and insensitive.

If it was from another route, you looked like you were crowing and it comes across as grabby.

If you aren’t even going to leave your job and be a lady of leisure, it was a silly comment that has put the cat among the pigeons needlessly.

If you are leaving your job ‘on your DP’s dime’ and he’s OK with that, none of her business and you didn’t need to tell her.

I think you brought this all on yourself, either way, and should have stayed away from the topic and not joined in the conversation between DP and his Ps.

I wouldn’t revisit it.

It depends a bit on the wider circumstances to be honest. You’re not married to your partner and you say very clearly that he’s coming into money, which makes me feel it could be an inheritance. Your comment was pretty unpleasant if that is the case and given it’s probably coming from ‘MIL’s side, I can see why she was annoyed. Either way, I can also see her point re it being his money and not your money, you’re not married and it was a bit of a crass comment. It’s a shame you were upset by it but I’d not have liked it either, in your boyfriend’s mums shoes!

Your remark was distasteful.
You are not married. Any money he gets is his and his alone.
His mother was correct to pull you up on it.

This was my thoughts too.
And I have a mil who spent 20 years thinking I was a gold digger though I never made tactless jokes and it's a laughable idea, so I get how that would irk.

Where's the money coming from? If it's an inheritance what you said is very distasteful.

I'm not surprised she pulled a face. I would never expect to give up work based on a partner's inheritance. Even if you were joking it's a weird thing to say.