MIL comment about money - feel hurt and just a bit odd

[ShatOnAndrew]

DP is likely to come into some money next year. We were chatting with PILs about it.

I made a comment about flouncing from my job and being a lady of leisure.

MIL said "Oh you're coming into money as well are you?" and did a sort of cats-bum face.
I laughed it off and said "I wish, I'm sure what DP gets will do nicely"

I can't put my finger on it but it really hurt me. It felt like she was suggesting I'm gold digging (sorry, terrible phrase). Me and MIL have always got on well - we're not close but no falling out or anything.

It's really niggling at me. I know I need to just leave it. I'd look like a loon bringing it back up now but I can't shake this horrible feeling.

Sorry, not sure what I'm actually asking here. Just needed to vent a bit.

"So why then should DH continue working while OP decides to become "a lady of leisure"? Why is it OP's decision as to what is done with the money?"

Presumably because the people buying his business are paying him a lot of money to oversee the transition one day a week.

As the op and her husband are married it is 'their' money - if you don't accept this, don't get married. That is literally the point of the marriage contract.

@CitrineRaindropPhoenix As the op and her husband are married it is 'their' money - if you don't accept this, don't get married.

Yes, that's my point. So why then is OP behaving as if it's exclusively her money?

Yes, that's my point. So why then is OP behaving as if it's exclusively her money?

Do you honestly, HONESTLY believe that OP and her husband haven't actually discussed this? Does it seem likely to you that she randomly made a split-second, unilateral decision at the PILs and blurted that decision out?

It’s just a joke, smacks of bitterness to me.

What is DP and DH please ? I hate abbreviations 🤣

Dear partner and dear husband.

She’s not. She clarified in an update.

@shuggles
RTFT, or the very least OP's updates. She has explained the context - it was a quip, in jest to break an awkward silence.
Stop with the money grabbing insinuations

I would number among my life skills, to never, ever, talk breezily about, or make 'jokes' concerning money and how well off (nor not, mostly) I am within any listening distance of any relative, or anyone who would pass on the comment. It's served me well.

I think she’s probably put out about your remark about being a lady of leisure - which was possibly not appropriate in the moment. I think I’d make that comment to my DP in private as a joke, but not to in-laws. She gave a comment back about was it you coming in to money, but you seem to have again answered in a way that could have hurt her - that your DPs would be enough. If you get on with them and want to fix this, I’d say something to her like, “I was thinking of the comment I made the other day about being a lady of leisure, I’m sure you know I didn’t mean it, I hope it didn’t come across as if I did’. Something like that to mend the relationship. Not worth falling out over but I think you need to see that your comment possibly offended her.

Er no. The DH isn't still working full time. He'll be working 1 day a week.
If she had said she would change jobs and work one day a week too would you feel happier?

And no she hasn't said it's her money at all. She has simply made a joke that she'll become a lady of leisure. Are you always this obtuse? Are you always literal?

Ignore the goaders... attention gives them cheap, static-ridden thrills.

Why would it offend her ? The money is coming from the sale of a part of DH’s business, so absolutely nothing to do with his parents, and everything to do with joint finances between OP and DH, and what they intend to do with ‘their’ money. OP has worked full time, and has likely facilitated the expansion of the business at various points in their relationship, so MiL needs to wind her neck in.

I absolutely don't see the money as "mine". I see it as ours because we share finances.

There'd be enough for me and DP to give up work. We've obviously talked about that. I didn't make a snap decision to retire when PILs were over 🤣

This thread got weird.

Most threads appear to go down various weird rabbit holes these days OP. I think a lot of it is down to people posting after just skimming the OP, and not bothering with updates, so they don’t really comprehend properly. I don’t think you need to give this any more thought. Mil was really out of order to comment as she did - the money is from your partners’ business sale and as such you have as much say in how it will be used as he does, given that your finances are joint and your salary contributes in the same way. Mil however, has no say in the matter. I think she knows it and l think maybe that’s the source of her little dig at you in response to such a light hearted and throw way comment. I’d forget it and move on.

I absolutely don't see the money as "mine". I see it as ours because we share finances.
So why was the comment "I'm going to be a lady of leisure" rather than "we are taking early retirement"?

The thread got weird because you wrote weird stuff. We're not mind-readers who are supposed to know that, for example, when you write 'DP' you actually mean 'DH'.

I think there’s sone truth in this op.

DH and DP are used to indicate the nature of the relationship on a legal basis, and that had relevance to the situation under discussion.

I also think it’s less about you actually sharing the money, or even becoming a lady of leisure, and more about it being your knee-jerk comment in a way that didn’t include DH/Dp. I think it probably struck mil as a bit self-focused.

Are you always this pedantic and literal?

She’s right.

So why was the comment "I'm going to be a lady of leisure" rather than "we are taking early retirement"?

I mean the husband is hardly going to be a lady of leisure is he?
It was just a turn of phrase.

The whole point here is that nobody can take a bloody joke any more.... you made a joke... she didn't like it... What you and your husband do with your joint money is none of her damned business, nor anyone else's !! Good for you that you can give up work young. If your husband is happy for you to do that and finances allow then grab the chance!!! Who ever wished they'd worked longer ?? I gave up work 12 years ago for various reasons, and my husband is still working, retiring next year. It has always made him happy to see me happier than I ever was at work. Our income has always been joint ... "Our" money. You go girl !!!